To think you are NOT a good dad?

He works all weekend too does he?

The cognitive dissonance on this thread is crazy. People going to great lengths to justify why their clearly lazy and inconsiderate partners are actually great dads. Other women are suggesting it's not good enough because they have partners that do more. They work difficult, hard jobs and do their share at home and with the kids.

Erm, I had maternity leaves and was a SAHM apart from one shift a week, so I don’t need a moment to ponder it thanks, I lived it. And my ex didn’t earn much money in all the hours he worked either, so I can can see the value of having a partner who does provide well financially even if they don’t do much baby care.

I agree that a partner should help out at weekends, but I object to fathers being called shit fathers when they are making a massive contribution to the family. No one calls mothers shit mothers if they only do the caring part and not the providing part, so why is it different the other way around?

@IButtleSir i said useless, not abandon. And yes there are lots of useless mothers. I had one! I personally just hate the narrative of it’s always the dads fault. A lot of wormen don’t help themselves, for which there is no excuse!

I agree completely. My post was in response to another poster who suggested that their partner shouldn't have to get involved with the night wakings because they woke up at 6:30am for work I was merely point out that this isn't a particularly early wake up time and certainly doesn't excuse anyone from pulling their weight at night.

Right so whilst he's out of the house for 12 hours a day he is also sat on his arse watching me. Makes sense.

My husband and I have always shared the night wakes despite him working and me being a SAHM. Why should I have no sleep when I am also working all day looking after our child. He has never even questioned this. He also does all of the above you have listed OP and our children are equally well looked after by both of us. Your friends husband sounds awful

When I was on maternity leave I did pretty much everything. DH worked really hard and saved up enough money to buy a house near my work so I wouldn’t have a long commute when I went back. He often got less sleep than me. People divide things up differently and you never know what goes on in a relationship. If your friend is happy with the setup, it is fine.

Comments like this really bug me because it shows how so many people have no idea how hard it is to be a SAHP to a young child. The difference when you have a useless partner is your job is 24/7 and theirs in 40hrs. Have a moment to ponder that. If you were working 24/7 with minimal sleep and your boss (ie baby) needing constant care and attention you'd want some help or a break every now and then too. Piss off with your providing money comment 🙄

Even if you’re a sahm the work of child rearing should be split when your partner isn’t working outside the home. I don’t see how as a parent you can have anymore than a superficial relationship with your dc if you don’t spend any time with them.

Me and DH did sleep shifts and split the nights - it meant we both got a chunk of uninterrupted sleep.

We did this regardless of who was off with the baby Vs who was working out of the home (we split parental leave so both did both roles). I think it's ridiculous when people say the person looking after the baby doesn't need sleep as they're not "working". Your baby is your most precious thing! If you're too sleep deprived you could fall asleep with them on the sofa or something and they could die - the worst that usually happens if you're sleep deprived at a job is that you get fired and get another job. It's not comparable - the person looking after the baby should get more sleep imo (I still think this and both me and DH are in high earning/high pressure jobs)

Being a gypsy is not an excuse for sexism.

My father is French gypsy btw. It's fuck all excuse to treat women like shit.

Are you seriously claiming there are as many useless mothers as there are useless fathers? That just as many women abandon their children as men do?

And for your reasons on staying if you’re with someone and you can’t trust them to look after their own kids then that is quite frankly your own fault!
Unless that person had access to a crystal ball before having children with someone, then no, it is not their fault if their partner is a shit parent.

"I wouldn't know how to do his job without instructions would I?"

But parenting is his job. So yes, he should know how. And if you watched him do his job daily and gave a shit you could learn it too. Just as he could.

I only disagree on night wakes if one parent doesn't work, but they should still do breakfast one morning so the other parent gets a sleep in

How does one "not allow it" anyway? Does she leave the partner knowing he's not going to do 50/50 when they split so she'll have all the work and a higher financial burden?

And where all the shit mums who neglect their children because the men don't "allow it"?. It's one more job for women micro managing men

I'm an excellent example to my kids thank you. So is their dad. You've clearly never met a gypsy before. Your loss.

My exes mum a full blown narc would did all the night feeds, cleaning, self care, lunches l, dinner stay home mum, etc his step father would go to work, she told him you work and bring me the money 😳 she also alienated the kids from their real dad, made them call step dad their real dad, changed their surnames, poisoned them into hating their real dad, and so much more, of course she was always the victim. She got 2 houses out of those men and never worked in a job. Let’s not make all women out to be hero’s. Some men work damn hard to make a nice home, and work all hours. 2 out if the kids don’t talk to her due to her instability of mind but she did all those things you mentioned and kept a clean and tidy home too

Yanbu but people don't like it when you point out that their husband is kind of shit as this thread is basically doing.

And fuck the pp who say women on mat leave don't need sleep because men have big important jobs. Not falling asleep with a newborn is life or death, it's at least as important as your husband's crappy self important nonsense job.

I can't remember what book it was (invisible women?) but they showed two families with GPs. In the female GP couple she was the one doing the bulk of childcare because her job allowed it. In the second couple he was the GP so his wife did the bulk of childcare because his job didn't allow it. 🙄

Yes darling we have to have ten people helping while mummy is in hospital because daddy is rubbish and doesn’t want to raise you.

What a brilliant example to children, training daughters to be household appliances and sons to do absolutely nothing.

@IButtleSir it’s not nearly always the father. Why is MN so anti dads? There are loads of useless mothers too! The blame sits with both the partner being lazy and the partner putting up with it. Often people behave like shit because people let them get away with it! And for your reasons on staying if you’re with someone and you can’t trust them to look after their own kids then that is quite frankly your own fault!

Whether relatives or paid employees, I do think it is incredibly sad that your husband needed to be supervised by a team of people when around his children. You can have a traditional set up AND make your children a priority.