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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be endlessly grieving

60 replies

LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 00:36

… for my parents? I lost both of them a few years ago and I can't stop feeling sad. Whenever I'm alone (even just for a few minutes) I start welling up. They had very good, very long lives, peaceful endings and we had a great relationship. I know it's all in the course of nature and that it's irrational for me to be sad all the time, but… here I am. How do I get out of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 01:00

NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 00:53

Everyone is different. But it seems like you're quite stuck, if it's been years.
Have you considered therapy?

(Also sorry about weird typos in first post!)

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What kind of therapy do I ask for?

OP posts:
NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 00:59

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 21/04/2025 00:58

No, it just reinforces what you have lost x

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That depends. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. That doesn't mean they don't grieve, but it's different.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 21/04/2025 00:58

LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 00:54

Do you think having your own child/children helps you get over losing your parents?
(I am childless by choice.)

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No, it just reinforces what you have lost x

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 21/04/2025 00:57

Well I do get it. I lost both of my parents in the space of 6 months, and it will be 19 years ago this year.

My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my dad passed away in his sleep 9 days later. My mum was gone within 5 months. My children ranged from 2/3 to 9, and my parents were amazing grandparents and it's killed me to bring up my children without their input, especially as I know they would have been very supportive and very proud of all three of my children.

I just turned 62. My mum died when she was 62, just before she turned 63. It resonates!

TheSlantedOwl · 21/04/2025 00:56

I don’t think you’re being OTT or having inappropriate levels of grief - everyone grieves differently and you obviously had a very deep bond with your parents. I think your reaction is a natural and, in its own way, beautiful reflection of the love between you and your parents. And - it would probably help to get some therapy to talk it all through. Get some extra support.

Dont let anyone make you feel wrong or like you’re not ‘tough enough’ or some rubbish like that. But do consider getting some support.

Original poster
LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 00:54

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 21/04/2025 00:51

I'm afraid I don't get this I lost my mum when I was pregnant with mu first
She was 55 ,I was 30. I was aware that she life was ill. She was miserable and had no quality of life. Maybe I'm a bit hard, but she needed to go.

Do you think having your own child/children helps you get over losing your parents?
(I am childless by choice.)

OP posts:
NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 00:53

LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 00:51

I'm 54. I know it's not normal or healthy.

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Everyone is different. But it seems like you're quite stuck, if it's been years.
Have you considered therapy?

(Also sorry about weird typos in first post!)

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 21/04/2025 00:51

I'm afraid I don't get this I lost my mum when I was pregnant with mu first
She was 55 ,I was 30. I was aware that she life was ill. She was miserable and had no quality of life. Maybe I'm a bit hard, but she needed to go.

Original poster
LaTristezaDurera · 21/04/2025 00:51

NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 00:39

Is this a constant thing, for years? How old are you?

It is quite odd, to my mind. Feeling sad at the loss is normal snot, but not crying every time you're alone ...

I'm 54. I know it's not normal or healthy.

OP posts:
NotSafeInTaxis · 21/04/2025 00:39

Is this a constant thing, for years? How old are you?

It is quite odd, to my mind. Feeling sad at the loss is normal snot, but not crying every time you're alone ...

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