AIBU to make complaint to police?

The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her.

Did they tell her, or ask her?

The police cannot force him into an ambulance.

I am sorry this happened and that it distressed your daughter, genuinely. I'm also surprised things are still as they were when my sister used to do this, decades ago. But their hands are tied, they can't force him to get into the ambulance and receive medical attention.

I'd take this as the cue that it is too much for your daughter, there's too much of a reliance from him, and there needs to be a better barricade between them.

Yes I would complain. Doesn’t matter if he never actually was dropped to your dd the fact is they phoned her and put a care role on her she should not have been expected to take on. Even if not autistic this would be unacceptable. and I suspect if your child was male the responses would be different as male people are not expected to be support humans like female people.

For my sins I've been involved with several friends who have threatened / attempted suicide or self harmed in other ways, and can confirm that there seems little consistency or clarity in the way various agencies will deal with crisis situations.

I always thought that the definition of "risk to oneself and / or other people" would be quite clear but apparently not.

On more than one occasion I've experienced being expected to look after someone in absolute crisis, which is above my layman's paygrade, while various agencies play "pass the hot potato" for various bureaucratic reasons, despite on one particular occasion having another vulnerable person in my care.

The phrase "capacity" and the rights of the person in question seem to be used expansively with little appreciation of other practicalities in the mix.

So I empathise with the OP and her daughter, and a complaint to "inform best practise" is definitely in order I think.

It is traumatic and scary to be dealing with situations where someone is not acting rationally, and moreover for someone who is essentially an autistic child.

I wish the OP, her daughter and the friend all the best moving forward and hope it can be acknowledged that things should have been handled differently.

That doesn't make sense? What had he overdosed on? Police have a duty of care and a level of first aid training, I can't see how they would risk leaving?
Edit - do you mean the ambulance was already there, or that they were waiting for it to arrive still?

The circumstances of whether he was left with OPs dd or not are highly irrelevant. Taking a child who has overdosed to another child to even witness is a dreadfully poor choice, even if both kids were NT. She's far too young to have to deal with that any the OP is obviously worried about what effect it may have on her. Autistic people are great at masking so her dd may say she's fine but could well not be. Honestly OP, in your situation I'd be at a cross roads. My sons best friend is autistic and my son has adhd. I'm very close with his mum. If I was in your situation I'd let the kid come over but internally I'd be very upset to even be put in that position myself, let alone a 16 year old. I'd probably not make a formal complaint but I'd have a word for sure. I'm sorry for you DD and I hope the boy is okay.

No this is not ok op and id be complaining.

The officers involved clearly need a lot more training, although tbf I'd think it's obvious to a slug you wouldn't leave a suicidal child with another minor. Poor lad and your poor DD being put in that situation.

Hi @Sunshineandpool
I am a police officer and if I were you I would write to complain, not to get anyone in trouble as I'm sure they genuinely thought they were doing the right thing, but for training so no other juvenile with vulnerabilities feels put upon by adults who have responsibilities for this boy...!

It's insane that they ever thought it would be appropriate to leave a suicidal 16 yo boy with a lone 16yo girl with autism, this is so deeply wrong.

The other preferred outcome would have been that when the officers found the boy they rang your DD again to confirm that he wasn't coming, so she wasn't left worrying about it.

I don't think they appreciated what effect the phone call would have had on your DD, but it's just a wildly inappropriate suggestion and I don't blame you for being upset.

It sounds like a lot needs clarifying.

From my, non autistic view, it sounds like the mum rang an ambulance/ police for the overdose. The lad left as he refused to go and mum knew he was likely to go to your dd. Police would have rung her to let her know her friend was likely on his way to her and to keep him there while they made their way to her.

Your autistic daughter, on hearing police and that her friend has overdosed has panicked and had a meltdown. She's understandably not been able to think rationally that the police/ambulance will be coming once friend has got to her.

So, I would raise the handling of this as a concern with police. But also, friend's mum. Who would have known dd is autistic and could maybe have helped communicate what had happened and what they expectations of her were more successfully.

It also might help your daughter if you see if your police force issues the 'I'm autistic' cards as well as setting a plan with dd to manage emergency situations, but also make a plan with the other mum for if this happens again. It sometimes the illusion of control can help.

OP confirmed he was unable to walk and slurring, so not in a position to make decisions.

But even if you were right and the police are obliged to leave vulnerable people who have overdosed and possibly dying, it doesn’t explain why they gave him a lift to his friend’s house, which just delayed the medical attention he needed.

So you seem to have knowledge of this type of thing.
Do you absolutely, totally believe that the police,rather than follow procedures called up the boys mate and said 'here you go! On you!' While his mother, police and an ambulance crew were there, and they all went... 'yay! Stellar plan!!' Or as pp has suggested, they've called her in case he turns up there?

By all means clarify with the police what actually happened regarding their apparent contact with your daughter.

always get the full facts before going in head first to complain - it does sound like there’s quite a bit of room for misunderstanding

use this as a opportunity to reinforce with your daughter how to handle unexpected situations

this is absolutely awful, and you must complain! Surely the ambulance crew weren’t on board with this? It’s a safeguarding violation on so many levels - he is a vulnerable young person and so is she. It’s not remotely appropriate to make her responsible with him whilst he is in crisis and requires medical attention.

It’s also a violation of police policy. They should have been following section 136 of the mental health act in this scenario, which means the police have to take the young person to a DESIGNATED place of safety in an emergency mental health situation. This can’t be a place designated by the young person eg “take me to my best friend’s house”, it is a legally defined place with safeguarding structures in place, such as A&E or a police station.

I am still confused and I have read the full thread.

But could the Police have planned to take the boy to your DD in order to for her to convince the boy to go with the ambulance.

It all sounds very confusing tbh. An ambulance came, he didn't want to get in but wanted to go to your DD. Maybe the people attending made a decision to get him seen by professionals as soon as possible. Maybe he was scared and wanted DD around. As long as he was safe and treated, I think I would drop it. Hopefully he's recovered? Must have been very distressing for him , was there a reason he didn't want his Mum?

Did they call her though, or did the boy and she’s confused? Did they just say he might turn up there? Why would they call her when the ambulance was already there? And if they did call her were they even aware of her age and diagnosis, this is very unclear. He can refuse treatment but if he’s a danger to himself they would have arrested him while waiting for a section surely.

He's 16 is safe to assume his friends are the same age. It's a pressure to put on a kid who's friend had taken an overdose.

It seems the OP is altering the narrative based on the responses she’s getting.

Do you think the police have a list of every person who is under 18 and autistic?

he was refusing to go to hospital, apparently, he asked to go to his friend. I see nothing wrong with that.

You can not force any medical procedure onto a 16 year old or adult unless they are incapable of making the decision, which as he was conscious l, able to make decisions and presumably objecting to going to hospital this running away.

If this is in the UK, 16 year olds can legally take responsibility for medical care, can live on their own, lots of things.

Parents cannot override their consent for medical treatment unless the 16 year old is unable to or lacks the capacity to make the decision.

So not sure you have a case against the Police in this instance. A boy over 16 requiring medical care refused and requested to be taken to another 16 year old.

I would probably reach out to the police and ask what happened/what was their plan. Something there isn’t right.

I’m baffled by some of these responses. The only place to take someone who has overdosed is a hospital.

If he was upset because he wanted his friend, they could have pacified him by saying they would let her know which hospital he was going to.

Or she totally misunderstood and the police/friends mum thought that’s where friend would turn up!

So no, not “obviously”