AIBU to make complaint to police?

YANBU, I'm not sure the Police should have contacted your daughter in the first place, given she's not next of kin and his Mum contacted them and was present. They definitely should have taken a minute out of their day to call and update your daughter that he'd been taken into hospital. Even for a NT adult, being told your friend has OD'd is a distressing situation. Though this was likely inexperienced officers trying to do their best under pressure, the impact of their actions should be fed back to them for training on how better to handle a situation like this in the future.

The police wouldn't have known that your daughter is autistic, so I wouldn't stress that in your complaint, it could give them an out.

To send a suicidal boy to anyones home is crazy. Even if he said that his friend was 20, the police knew he was 16, so should not have been acting as a taxi service. They also knew he'd taken an overdose - and were going to leave him in a friends house, it's very irresponsible.

His poor mum.

Rather than complain, you could ask what the police meant? I find it difficult to comprehend that they’d take a child attempting to take their own life/ heavily medicated to your child. Surely nobody would want that- I would’ve thought you’d need to be on some kind of suicide watch / need to be assessed after that.
Thank goodness everyone ok, I hope that boy gets some help.

You seem to be inferring a lot about what the police’s further ahead plans were based on your daughters recollection of a brief phone call.

It’s worth keeping that in mind.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that the threshold to section is high.

There’s a gulf here between what you know and what you have concluded based on secondhand information, about something that ultimately didn’t happen.

That makes complete sense then, if he's in the ambulances care and not being violent then the police don't need to stay

Now you're being disingenuous..

Hang on. he was unable to walk and slurring, but in the op, she says when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house both can't be true.

I think we're only getting a confused story, which is understandable if the Op has only heard it through her dd who was clearly upset.

As far as we can tell, the lad wasn't brought round there by the police, so I'd guess it was one of the following:

As others have said, he'd left the house, they were trying to find him and phoned her to see if he'd turned up there.
They told him they'd take him round to her, as a way of trying to calm him down. They may have had absolutely no intension of taking him there, but hoped that would calm him down enough for him to listen to them.
I wonder whether it was the police who called or him - obviously the police would have had to ask him for the number.
Or was it the mum who phoned, asking her if she brought him round could she talk him into going. Obviously this was inappropriate, but I think we can all appreciate that she probably wasn't thinking straight at that point.

So really a difficult situation in all; I don't think there was an easy and obvious way of handling it. They will not have known the situation with op's dd. It may be that she was painted a much better picture than the reality by either the chap's mum or himself.

But the ambulance do not have any authority to take into hospital or treat someone who has capacity who is refusing. I've been in that situation with elderly people a couple of times, where they're swearing that they're absolutely fine, when clearly not, and the ambulance service can do nothing.
In one case they'd broken a couple of ribs (I informally phoned daughter, who I knew, as they left and suggested she "dropped in" very shortly) and the other time they had concussion and a broken nose. Had to rush her in half an hour later when she lost consciousness.
In both cases the ambulance service was advising that they came in and they totally refused, and they said there was nothing they could do. They were clearly upset because they could see the risks, but their hands were tied.

The relationship between the two of them doesn’t sound healthy and Id be putting distance between them wherever I could. Taking a bunch of pills and saying he can only go to her house to the police and ambulance service, would be setting off way way more alarm bells than anything else. Do we know why he took the OD yet?

At best he is too much for her, she isn’t helping him, the friendship isn’t helping him, so off he goes to get some other friends and appropriate support. Otherwise it’s just going to get worse. Thank god his mother put a stop to it this time. But you need to sort out what’s going on in your home. It’s like you aren’t seeing or don’t want to deal with the real issue right in front of you, so making a complaint to police makes you feel better. But what will actually change other than causing more drama and avoiding the real problem.

It sounds like you might have grounds for providing feedback that it would have been beneficial for them to follow up and say they weren’t coming, after they’d phoned to say they were.

The rest, is a difficult set of circumstances with no ideal solution, and no psychic powers on the part of the police. 16-18 is the weird middle ground. You can live alone, consent for some things and not others.

While your ideal is that they took him back to his mums, from their perspective that’s where he had run from. And your daughter didn’t say no.

The best use of time is probably a cold light of day conversation with your daughter about appropriate responses and boundaries. And a plan for any repeats. Even with a complaint being made, it doesn’t prevent the potential for a repeat.

I don't think the sedatives are important to this thread.

I'd think they were highly important and a factor as to how urgently he needed medical attention like having his stomach pumped? So also something as to why it's apparently been mum and ambulance and police saying 'yeah a 16 yo can manage this medical emergency' or he's not actually taken anything that horrendously dangerous?

I don't think the sedatives are important to this thread.

I'd think they were highly important and a factor as to how urgently he needed medical attention like having his stomach pumped? So also something as to why it's apparently been mum and ambulance and police saying 'yeah a 16 yo can manage this medical emergency' or he's not actually taken anything that horrendously dangerous?

The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her.

Did they tell her, or ask her?

The police cannot force him into an ambulance.

I am sorry this happened and that it distressed your daughter, genuinely. I'm also surprised things are still as they were when my sister used to do this, decades ago. But their hands are tied, they can't force him to get into the ambulance and receive medical attention.

I'd take this as the cue that it is too much for your daughter, there's too much of a reliance from him, and there needs to be a better barricade between them.

For my sins I've been involved with several friends who have threatened / attempted suicide or self harmed in other ways, and can confirm that there seems little consistency or clarity in the way various agencies will deal with crisis situations.

I always thought that the definition of "risk to oneself and / or other people" would be quite clear but apparently not.

On more than one occasion I've experienced being expected to look after someone in absolute crisis, which is above my layman's paygrade, while various agencies play "pass the hot potato" for various bureaucratic reasons, despite on one particular occasion having another vulnerable person in my care.

The phrase "capacity" and the rights of the person in question seem to be used expansively with little appreciation of other practicalities in the mix.

So I empathise with the OP and her daughter, and a complaint to "inform best practise" is definitely in order I think.

It is traumatic and scary to be dealing with situations where someone is not acting rationally, and moreover for someone who is essentially an autistic child.

I wish the OP, her daughter and the friend all the best moving forward and hope it can be acknowledged that things should have been handled differently.

That doesn't make sense? What had he overdosed on? Police have a duty of care and a level of first aid training, I can't see how they would risk leaving?
Edit - do you mean the ambulance was already there, or that they were waiting for it to arrive still?

The circumstances of whether he was left with OPs dd or not are highly irrelevant. Taking a child who has overdosed to another child to even witness is a dreadfully poor choice, even if both kids were NT. She's far too young to have to deal with that any the OP is obviously worried about what effect it may have on her. Autistic people are great at masking so her dd may say she's fine but could well not be. Honestly OP, in your situation I'd be at a cross roads. My sons best friend is autistic and my son has adhd. I'm very close with his mum. If I was in your situation I'd let the kid come over but internally I'd be very upset to even be put in that position myself, let alone a 16 year old. I'd probably not make a formal complaint but I'd have a word for sure. I'm sorry for you DD and I hope the boy is okay.