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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to make complaint to police?

134 replies

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:28

I really feel the police acted inappropriately and am thinking of making a complaint.

A friend of my DD's (they are both 16 and both autistic) has been going through a difficult time with his mental health. Both families are close and he is always welcome at ours. However, myself and his mum are mindfull of my daughter feeling 'responsible' for him or having too much put on her so I've been making sure to check in with her and be available myself if he is struggling.

Recently he sadly took an overdose but when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house so she had to call the police to keep him safe until an ambulance could come. The poor lad was highly distressed and told the police he wanted to go to his best friend's (my dd). The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic! The police were aware the boy had taken an overdose and that my DD was only 16 and autistic. How can they think it is appropriate to put the responsibility of this on to my daughter?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 22/04/2025 07:11

TaggieO · 22/04/2025 07:04

Sadly, as “someone of knowledge of this kind of thing”, I find it all too easy to believe this happened.

If your DD’s best friend is frequently in crisis or this is something that is likely to happen again, it’s worth talking to his mum about having an action plan in place, including their preferred 136 suite, any particular behavioural triggers, what his crisis behaviours look like and what his needs might be eg is he going to need specialing once they get to hospital (I imagine yes, but would that need to be 2:1 etc), is he likely to lash out at staff etc. That way the police/ambulance crew have a template to follow.

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Thank you, that's really useful.

OP posts:
TaggieO · 22/04/2025 07:04

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 23:38

Some posters always seem to want to come onto a thread to tell you, you are wrong about the facts. They, being a complete stranger, apparently know better than you.

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Sadly, as “someone of knowledge of this kind of thing”, I find it all too easy to believe this happened.

If your DD’s best friend is frequently in crisis or this is something that is likely to happen again, it’s worth talking to his mum about having an action plan in place, including their preferred 136 suite, any particular behavioural triggers, what his crisis behaviours look like and what his needs might be eg is he going to need specialing once they get to hospital (I imagine yes, but would that need to be 2:1 etc), is he likely to lash out at staff etc. That way the police/ambulance crew have a template to follow.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 23:38

TaggieO · 21/04/2025 23:28

The other child’s mother has confirmed this is what happened?

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Some posters always seem to want to come onto a thread to tell you, you are wrong about the facts. They, being a complete stranger, apparently know better than you.

OP posts:
TaggieO · 21/04/2025 23:28

CaptainFuture · 21/04/2025 09:03

So you seem to have knowledge of this type of thing.
Do you absolutely, totally believe that the police,rather than follow procedures called up the boys mate and said 'here you go! On you!' While his mother, police and an ambulance crew were there, and they all went... 'yay! Stellar plan!!' Or as pp has suggested, they've called her in case he turns up there?

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The other child’s mother has confirmed this is what happened?

Kellybonita · 21/04/2025 22:35

hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 22:24

He wasn't left with a friend though. The police were with his Mum, contacted OP's daughter to say they were heading over with him, then scarped without updating that he was safe in hospital...

If he has taken an overdose, which is very serious, they shouldn't bring him over to his friend. (Who is under 18 with no parent at home)

hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 22:24

He wasn't left with a friend though. The police were with his Mum, contacted OP's daughter to say they were heading over with him, then scarped without updating that he was safe in hospital...

Kellybonita · 21/04/2025 19:19

I would make a complaint.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:16

LookingAtMyBhunas · 21/04/2025 18:58

Exactly.
This is why the police are on their knees.

An overdose is a medical issue. He obviously wasn't sectionable and was left with a trusted friend, who is over the age of responsibility, whether you agree or not.

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The police clearly thought it was a police matter hence them attending.

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Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:14

Have you actually read the thread or even my OP?

A young man who is a danger to himself and others out in public is a police matter. On what basis are you saying he 'wasn't sectionable'?

You think it was right that instead of getting medical help he should be left with an autistic child to take responsibility of him? The 'age of responsibility' refers to being responsible for a crime not being legally responsible for another child who needs urgent medical attention!

If he'd not got to hospital, he could have died.

OP posts:
Kellybonita · 21/04/2025 19:10

I think the police were wrong in this instance

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:08

DandiDelta · 21/04/2025 18:50

It’s also not important because the police can’t categorise between “being a bit OTT” and a serious overdose, not being medically trained. Their role is to get him into the ambulance. It’s bad enough in A&E where young people feel dismissed for “attention seeking” and don’t get the care they need, making them reluctant to go back. The Royal College of Psychiatrists has written about this.

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Indeed. It would be terribly dangerous if they started deciding to not call an ambulance because the boy (and his mum) were apparently being OTT. The police did the exact right thing in this situation on finding him and keeping him in one place while the ambulance arrived.

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Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:02

MistressoftheDarkSide · 21/04/2025 18:24

It strikes me as odd and illogical that all institutions dealing with minors, which includes all under 18s in most cases, are subject to safeguarding, DBS checks, and all the right insurances, yet in a case like this there's next to no checking to see if the young patients demands would potentially put them at even higher risk. Or the person / people being considered as "appropriate".

The whole issue of rights and capacity needs an overhaul in my opinion. While I in no way advocate a return to the bad old days of prolonged incarceration for spurious "mental health" reasons, there seems to be a huge lack of consistency in how the MHA is interpreted and applied, when someone is in acute crisis. Have experienced this in several situations and across various age groups.

While most families are keen to support, care for and advocate for loved ones, sometimes they are just not equipped to do so.

I agree with you, it does need looking at. I've taken sedatives and I really wouldn't be in a position to make an important decision about my health and this was only taking a standard dose.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 21/04/2025 19:00

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

wtf are you talking about?

LookingAtMyBhunas · 21/04/2025 18:58

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Exactly.
This is why the police are on their knees.

An overdose is a medical issue. He obviously wasn't sectionable and was left with a trusted friend, who is over the age of responsibility, whether you agree or not.

DandiDelta · 21/04/2025 18:50

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 14:24

And the question about the sedatives were exactly what they were and if they were prescribed. It is not appropriate on here to describe in detail methods of suicide.

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It’s also not important because the police can’t categorise between “being a bit OTT” and a serious overdose, not being medically trained. Their role is to get him into the ambulance. It’s bad enough in A&E where young people feel dismissed for “attention seeking” and don’t get the care they need, making them reluctant to go back. The Royal College of Psychiatrists has written about this.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 21/04/2025 18:24

It strikes me as odd and illogical that all institutions dealing with minors, which includes all under 18s in most cases, are subject to safeguarding, DBS checks, and all the right insurances, yet in a case like this there's next to no checking to see if the young patients demands would potentially put them at even higher risk. Or the person / people being considered as "appropriate".

The whole issue of rights and capacity needs an overhaul in my opinion. While I in no way advocate a return to the bad old days of prolonged incarceration for spurious "mental health" reasons, there seems to be a huge lack of consistency in how the MHA is interpreted and applied, when someone is in acute crisis. Have experienced this in several situations and across various age groups.

While most families are keen to support, care for and advocate for loved ones, sometimes they are just not equipped to do so.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:27

ThinWomansBrain · 21/04/2025 17:23

So despite the opening post, the police did not leave the friend with DD?

It was as I said in my OP:

The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic!

Nowhere did I say the police left the friend with DD. And I have reiterated that multiple times throughout the thread.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/04/2025 17:23

So despite the opening post, the police did not leave the friend with DD?

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:20

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 17:04

I don't know much about the police, but this all seems rather strange. If anyone is going to query this messy situation if should be the friends mum. Surely her complaint should be she wasn't called when her child was found, as they could have then explained to her he was refusing treatment and would only go to your DD. She could then have said no that's not appropriate. I think this is an issue your friend needs to raise.

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Yes, exactly. If only they'd phoned her and she would have said 'absolutely not' to them.phoning my DD.

OP posts:
hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 17:12

The bottom line is the mum of a vulnerable 16 year old who needed swift medical response calls police for help. Young man runs off, but Mum's asked for assistance from Police. Police find young man and call OP's (unrelated) DD saying they'll bring him to her as that's what he wants, rather than dealing with the situation with the mum (next of kin) and son. Police take vulnerable 16 year old to hospital and ghost OP's daughter so she's left wondering what's happening.

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 17:04

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 16:58

The number was on his phone. And yes, that's my point. They should have phoned his mum.

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I don't know much about the police, but this all seems rather strange. If anyone is going to query this messy situation if should be the friends mum. Surely her complaint should be she wasn't called when her child was found, as they could have then explained to her he was refusing treatment and would only go to your DD. She could then have said no that's not appropriate. I think this is an issue your friend needs to raise.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:01

ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 16:00

But you don’t know what the police were planning on doing what they got to the road outside your house.

It could have been drop and scarper. It could have been one of them have a face to face chat with your daughter while the other stayed in the car with her friend.

You’re assuming drop and run. I’m not sure how much clearer I can’t make it (to use your own phrase) that you don’t know their plans.

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I said ' I don't know how much clearer I can make it'.

The police have said they were going to take the boy to my house and leave him with my DD. Therefore I do know their plans.

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Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 16:58

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 15:56

How did they get your DD's phone number?
Clearly her friend wasn't slurring that much to hand it over to them? Also if he is 16 and being treated as a vulnerable child, why was the mum not informed he had been found and that he was refusing to go into hospital and won't get in the ambulance? I don't understand the story.

Edited

The number was on his phone. And yes, that's my point. They should have phoned his mum.

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 16:00

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:34

I don't know how much clearer I can make it. I have spoken to my DD, the boy and his mum. The mum has spoken to the police.

The police were planning to bring the boy to my house. And it is that I am seeking advice about.

I know the threshold to section is high hence me suggesting it as something they perhaps could have done rather than they should.

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But you don’t know what the police were planning on doing what they got to the road outside your house.

It could have been drop and scarper. It could have been one of them have a face to face chat with your daughter while the other stayed in the car with her friend.

You’re assuming drop and run. I’m not sure how much clearer I can’t make it (to use your own phrase) that you don’t know their plans.

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 15:56

How did they get your DD's phone number?
Clearly her friend wasn't slurring that much to hand it over to them? Also if he is 16 and being treated as a vulnerable child, why was the mum not informed he had been found and that he was refusing to go into hospital and won't get in the ambulance? I don't understand the story.