I’m not sure how to manage an awkward friendship situation.
I have a DD (age 4 Reception) and she has quite a wide friendship circle so we always have people over. One of our friendship group (more my friend) has a son who is a month younger but preschool as the school year cuts off between them.
He’s a nice kid underneath but highly strung and has aggressive rages if doesn’t his own way. No additional needs / known neurodiversity, but he’s been in middle of parental breakup and a bit of change (moving house/nursery). Result is his behaviour is, at times, really rather challenging.
Mum is a very gentle parent and tends to use some of the reasons for his behaviour as excuses for it. She tends to pander to / excuse the bad behaviour. It would be fine if that was just her affected by it.
Problem I have is the physical aggression towards my DD. She’s pretty stubborn not a wallflower but never physical as she’s tiny, just stubborn at times (mainly at me). If she plays up, she gets told very firmly.
I had a gathering with number of kids and parents. The kids were playing together but my DD got fed up with kids messing stuff in her room and wanted them out of her room (none of them should have been up there but I was hosting alone and sorting food etc). Anyway, as I understand it, during this my friends boy punched my DD in face and another dad chastised him and told me. I told his mum he had hit DD. She made him apologise (was forced no contrition) but she came up with excuse about some argument over the doors upstairs. I don’t think any excuse for a punch in face even if my daughter was annoying or in the wrong (other witnesses suggest not but she can be annoying and I wasn’t there so I’ll be neutral on that). Later there was also an incident in playroom with him pushing her. Again, I was in other room at time of incident but others parents commented that it was unprovoked other than dispute over toys. When I entered room I told kids to calm it and (very low tone quietly) gave the “no pushing/shoving in my house. If you are feeling annoyed please go and calm down” lecture. The kid then went full red faced angry rage and threw various toys on floor and actually at me. I felt quite stressed /nervous by the hard flying objects.
Now, I like mum very much. She’s a good sort and hasn’t had easiest time. But my DD is pretty clear she’s now not keen to play with the boy again. Frankly I don’t really want him in my house or near my DD if he’s going to get punchy. And I don’t want hard objects thrown at me.
So do I deal with the mum and land the “no more play dates/invites” message (and how do o do this - she’s a lovely and sensitive soul). Am i being too harsh to cut off play dates until he sorts his anger issues?
YANBU - no more play dates
YABU - give the kid a break