Lack of human contact causing MH crisis?

@WhatNoRaisins you're probably right

Now I'm thinking of the old Oscar Wilde quote 😂

That's not true. About 1/6 of PIP claimants are working.

Given that being too busy is a common excuse I assume they don't think of the friends they've moved on from much but think about what they consider themselves to be busy with.

Lockdown affected our, then, pre-teens, much more than we realised at the time.

But they bounced back once back in school and out with their friends, they drifted from some friends but found others.

Yes it's easier at school because there dozens of people to try and find a connection with, but it just illustrates that finding human contact, regular, quality, human contact is a numbers game aside from anything else.

The difference in them when they have come back from school with lots of "news", it's always about others, their interactions and what others have done/not done. They buzz with human contact and if they have "meh" days it's when their friends aren't around at breaks, illness, clubs, you can physically see the difference in their body language.
Coming out of an exam and they all start yapping about question and answers, so not even friend, friends, just other exam takers, even just that helps.

Human contact is vital for good mental health. It just makes you feel like you don't have to carry whole world yourself.

Actually, I think I know the answer to my own question

The one person I did contact when I had a breakdown clearly didn't want to know. So I guess that's an answer.

Bit off piste but I do wonder what the vanished friends think has happened to me, or us, as others are clearly struggling.

I mean, I suppose they never think of us at all but if they do, they probably don't think that other friends vanished too? That there's quite a few isolated people post Covid... has it not occurred to them or it has occurred to them and they don't give a shit?

Absolutely.

I always see threads on here where men maintain their hobbies and social lives but women seem to give them all up - and it's such short-term thinking. Yes, your kids need you when they're young but they won't be young forever - one day you'll turn around and they won't be there and then what?

I also had a friend who was widowed very young (in her twenties) - luckily she'd kept her friendships going as she ended up on her own, pregnant and with a toddler to raise!

The thing is, without trying to upset you, your children will grow up one day and leave home. They won't be there to interact with you everyday because they'll be too busy with their own lives. And more than 50% of marriages end in divorce - relying on your immediate family for all your social needs is a big risk.

There's also the possibiity of bereavement. Or that the other person in the relationship will want a more active social life when they have fewer work//family commitments, and develop their own interests and friendships, leaving their spouse/partner behind.

The same. I love being alone. I'm an only child. I find being around people for long lengths of time very stressful. It'd take a HUGELY significant pay rise to get me into a non-WFH job again.

Actually, divorce rates have never been as high as 50%. I think it peaked at 41% and has been decreasing from that point for years and years now. Anyway, that's probably extraneous to the discussion and the point still holds that it's best to not let your life shrink away so it hinges on only a few people but it's a stat which seems to roll off the tongue and doesn't really stack up against ONS data.

@Thepeopleversuswork totally with you. I'm far from the most sociable and I'm probably at my happiest when I'm out alone on a walk with my dog, but I still recognise how important it is to have a social circle outside of my marriage and immediate family.

It also puts a huge amount of pressure on your partner if they're all you have in terms of a social life. I'd even argue that it's not fair on them, in many ways.

The thing is, without trying to upset you, your children will grow up one day and leave home. They won't be there to interact with you everyday because they'll be too busy with their own lives. And more than 50% of marriages end in divorce - relying on your immediate family for all your social needs is a big risk.

Absolutely this. It’s also not setting your children a good example to have such a limited social life.

Not everyone is the life and soul of the party and it’s fine to want a quiet life but children need to see adults interacting in a positive way with other adults outside of their own family.

My mum became very isolated as a SAHM after having had a busy earlier life and I struggled with making friends as a teenager because I had no positive role model of a woman without her own independent identity and social life. It took me years to shake this off. The signal you are sending them is that living alongside people outside of their own family is problematic and difficult.

@WhatNoRaisins in terms of actually moving, I guess it depends where you live and where you're going. There's obviously more opportunities in a city.

It's not the reason why I moved but things do feel better here for complicated reasons - and I moved away from London.

I imagine the social landscape is the same everywhere though, in a way. A lot of people have described it, but it really is that "my little family" mentality. Add it up with online things and it's a real problem for some of us.

i'm not even an extrovert. I don't really like the labels to be honest. But living so much online doesn't work for me. It doesn't seem like a real interaction at all.

I try to think of myself as being lucky to have had a good chunk of life before lockdown changed everything.

I think it's very clear that the world as it is now really suits a lot of people. I know it doesn't make it any easier to cope though.

I mean I think having to do that is very commonplace now because of how much more transient our lives have become. Starting over from scratch socially either in a new place or because your old contacts have moved on seems to be something lots people struggle with.

Lack of meaningful human contact is harmful but I think the social landscapes available to many of us can feel so poor that it doesn't feel like a solution.

Bit confused

is anyone suggesting that?

This. WFH 4 days a week is better for my mental health because it means I have more time before & after work to get out & do things I want to do / see people I want to see. And I get to spend my days with my cat.

I do see that never talking to anyone, or only talking to the people you live with, could be very isolating.

From personal experience it's too much contact that's the real problem, at least too much of the wrong kind of contact. I'll quite happily sit with my own thoughts for a few days. The things that trigger me are people being overly demanding of my time or generally inconsiderate of other people.

I think for many contact is necessary for good health but it's like anything, better to have no human contact than predominantly bad human contact.

I have my DH and dcs, so I have social interaction with them. And I'll make a limited amount of small talk at the school gates and in shops. But otherwise I don't talk to anyone else and I'm quite happy with that.

The thing is, without trying to upset you, your children will grow up one day and leave home. They won't be there to interact with you everyday because they'll be too busy with their own lives. And more than 50% of marriages end in divorce - relying on your immediate family for all your social needs is a big risk.

I don’t feel it’s sustainable and the more I read about the importance of social interaction whether that be causal greeting with a stranger or a deep chat with a friend, it’s an essential part of being human

Everyone's situation is different.

I have three dc, a dh, a dog, extended family, a couple of good friends. My life is busy. Too busy, often! I see people, interact with people plenty, I can't bloody avoid it. At school drop off/pick up, before and after school, neighbours popping in, nipping to the shop, multiple kids activities, daily dog walks. And at work barely half an hour goes by without a Teams or zoom chat.

For me, WFH is the peace, quiet, space and 'me time' that I need. No one able to pop up and hover over my shoulder wanting something. No having to drown out other peoples' noise to concentrate. It's lovely and massively beneficial to me and my mental wellbeing.

I am the same. I see quite a lot of coverage abut loneliness especially in old age, there have been advertising campaigns about it so it's not as if it's not known about. But it always assumes that anyone who doesn't have a social circle is desperate for companionship, and for me it's not the case.

I have my DH and dcs, so I have social interaction with them. And I'll make a limited amount of small talk at the school gates and in shops. But otherwise I don't talk to anyone else and I'm quite happy with that. I'm a sahm and people often encourage sahms to go out to work just for social contact, and I wouldn't enjoy that at all . I don't sit at home all day, am mostly out of the house, but just going out in town and to the gym or art classes or museums (all on my own), and would much rather be doing activities I choose to do, than being stuck at work with the same people all the time.

I think people's isolation is one of the major drivers of mental health problems.
It's not just a recent thing, it's been going on for decades, and many people don't even realize that our society is not normal because they have never lived in a community with a strong social fabric.

Absolutely with you @TempestTost - we are not designed to sit in offices for nine hours a day, or to spend our free time in front of screens. We've been outdoors and active for thousands of years - yet in the last several hundred, our lives have changed almost beyond recognition. And we wonder why people are anxious and overwhelmed constantly.

As soon as I left the "rat race" and set up my own business working outdoors, my mental health improved ten fold. I was so much happier. Calmer. Healthier. I spoke to people, got the sun on my skin and got my body moving. I know it sounds like some kind of TikTok post but my God it changed my life. And I always laughed at my dad telling me to get outside and do some exercise!

I've WFH permanently since Covid and am struggling now with the lack of face to face interaction. I have three kids, work PT, have friends I see regularly and do sports, so I do see people in person a lot. It's just that I'm an introvert and in most of those situations I can pretty easily avoid talking to people face to face if I want to! Whereas at work in an office it's just unavoidable (and for me it's good practice). I definitely feel my social muscles have weakened and I'm quite nervous or self conscious in social situations now.

As soon as it doesn't suit my childcare situation I'll be looking for a hybrid set up.

Ive worked remotely from home since 2015.
I would agree its affected my MH. However, i think thats because i live alone for some of those years. Dont really have family to see and my friends are busy with there kids mostly.
I think if i had a good family unit around me (actively visit each other in person daily/ weekly) and seen my friends in person more than every quarter (it seems) then i dont think it would contribute to MH problems.
My MH problems affect me going out alone now to even a supermarket and driving. Its a fear. I think its because everything is done online (whatsapp, food orders etc) so the world seems scary. Its weird, but true.

I relocated (& have done multiple times)
I belong to a few different local groups
Some of the groups are predominantly attended by females, although the group is open to everyone.

Talking to people
Some people are scared of joining a new group , which is why I I invite people to come & try

One group that I belong to, we go for a coffee, lunch & a chat. However, people can just come for the chat.

The biggest things that I have learnt

Join some groups & I have found that you may be invited to join other groups or socials
Think of a pebble thrown into a pond & the ripples expanding outwards

Get out yourself, staying indoors will not get you invited out anywhere

Most people are kind & generous

Do things you enjoy. And then go a extra inch or so to help.

Yes lack of human contact most definitely, overall, contributes to the mental health illness increase in recent history.

But no one is going to knock on your door, initially at least.

Things change if you step out though. If nothing else it's a numbers game, the more people you meet the more likely you are to form closer friendships with one or two.