Is leaving baby acceptable

It's ok to feel guilty or anxious and still do it, it's good to expand your capacity for feeling uncomfortable and not give in to the anxiety.

It doesn't make you a terrible mum, and how else will the dad get used to parenting.

You’re asking the wrong question — your question should be ‘Assuming I can (ie have trustworthy, reliable care) do I want to?’

Bottle feeding fine!

breastfeeding you can use your own gut feeling. My boob fed babies I couldn’t really leave until 3 months or 4 months

I think it's totally personal. I didn't leave ds until he was 4 months old and even then I hated it but I have friends who left their 8 week old to go on a 4 day holiday and had a great time. I don't think either is right or wrong- it's what works for you and your family. I was bf on demand and ds was refusing bottles and weight gain was a constant battle for a long time so that probably contributed to why I didn't really want to leave him. Had he been gaining well and taking bottles it would have been easier.

I breastfed but DH kept baby in the car while I got my nails done when baby was 3 days old 👀 first hour away from her

He gave her a bottle of expressed milk at 12 weeks so I could have my first bath

My mum had her for 3 hours with expressed milk so we could go to the cinema when she was about 5 months

However, I didn’t leave her overnight until well over a year

Do what works for you

It's mainly what you're comfortable with. What you've described doesn't seem too much. Maybe if you're leaving your baby with other people outside the home every other weekend it might be too much. My friend had a newborn and was out at the theatre every weekend or going drinking, leaving her with me and it signified a problem, but it doesn't sound like this is what you mean.

I'd love to get out for a few hours my 10 week old has decided she's feeding every 20 mins at the moment 😂🫠
Enjoy every minute and come back and enjoy your lovely little one 😊

I left mine with their dad from about 2 weeks old to do the weekly shop, get my hair done, nails etc. They were with their dad so were absolutely fine - why wouldn't they be?

There’s a third option.

Whatever mum is comfortable with.

Thank you for sharing this @WhySoManySocks. Reading this has helped me to reflect on some of the negative comments I got about leaving my own DD with a bit more empathy.

A few mothers have criticised me for things involving my DD: the fact that I left her with DH or DMIL for a few hours at a time from fairly early on, and then more heavily so for the fact that I went back to work quite early and put DD in nursery. I specifically remember one mum who had her own daughter at a similar time to me telling me 11 months in that she hadn't had her hair or nails done since her daughter's birth - it would be wrong to leave her for even half an hour, she loved her daughter too much not to stay by her side etc, and how could I possibly do it? Didn't I realise my DD would be learning that she was unloved?

I assumed that other mothers criticising me were doing so for straightforward reasons: they thought what they were doing was superior and wanted me to know it. I'm sure that was sometimes the case. But perhaps there is another aspect to this too. I think many parents have a tendency to justify and universalise the value of whatever decisions they make. In your case, I can see how not logistically having the support to be able to have time away could lead to this being justified in terms of always staying with your child being the best thing for them (not saying you made this leap in logic yourself, but others do). Likewise parents like me who leave their children more than most can be keen to portray this as the right decision for everyone else too . I suppose it's natural for all humans across many types of situation to try to make ourselves feel better about our own situations and choices by encouraging others to follow our approach, regardless of how happy we actually are...

I am so encouraged to see all the people in this thread saying it depends on what is best for each mum and their family. I wish I knew more people who thought this way and I hope to try to embrace the same position myself.

YANBU. I had a night out when my DD was 2 weeks old. It’s healthy for you to have time away from the baby.

Totally depends on the mam and what she feels comfortable with. My DM looked after my DN's (her DGC) from 5 weeks old. Had them sleeping once a fortnight. But I dont feel comfortable leaving my DC with anyone other than DP, and only for short periods of time. Neither is right or wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

I thought you were going to be talking about going on holiday without the baby!
It was decades ago now, but a non Brit friend of mine left her 4 week old first baby with her parents for a month while she went on holiday with her dh! 😱
In her culture then it was normal to dump your kids on your parents. Someone else I knew (same culture) passed her 2 very little human-hurricane boys to her mother - she ‘couldn’t cope’ with them. And she was a SAHM who still didn’t work.

I wouldn’t have left mine at 5 weeks, no. Not for a coffee and definitely not for that long on a night out. Apart from anything else I would have been leaking milk everywhere and it’s just not pleasant!

but that’s not to say that others did. And that they were fine with it.

in the spirit of honesty, as you asked if people would judge it. Slightly. At 5 weeks old if you’re out getting drunk with your mates rather than being at home with your baby, yes.

Of course it’s fine. My LO was about a week or so old I took myself for a coffee and a nose around the retail park.

Leaving the baby with the dad shouldn’t even be a question. He’s an equal parent.

as to leaving for a couple of hours with a grandparent then also yes also fine

Perfectly fine and actually important. It does wonders for you to have a few hours ’off’ if you can so go for it!

I’d also add, that due to leaving her with my dm regularly from the start, there were never any issues with separation anxiety. Waiting until they’re months old before leaving their side for any length of time can be more stressful because they’re used to being with you 24/7.

as long as they have milk of some kind they are all good with their dad or grandma!

Totally fine. My dm had my daughter from a couple of weeks old - at first it was just overnight for the odd night so I could get a full night’s sleep, and I’d be round at her house at the crack of dawn for the morning feed.
After that she would have her every couple of weeks so we could have a night out. They had the closest bond.

I think 4-5 hours for a 6 week old is too long tbh.

Tell that to my boobs! Hand expressing only, and that was kind of grim.

But I agree with leaving them if you want to - I did, in the form of short walks by myself, from when he was 3 days old.

It can be hit and miss as to whether everyone will enjoy it though. Sometimes I'd gladly stroll.away and have a nice refreshing break and come back and find my son had woken up soon after I'd gone and howled the entire time. Sometimes I'd go out and do nothing but think of him and come back to find him completely unbothered by my absence.

It's totally fine.

4-5 hours might be a little too long for you if you are exclusively breastfeeding. I managed 3 hours for an evening out when my first was 6 months old.

But I was leaving him with my MIL for 1-2 hours at a time from when he was about 6 weeks old.

And I wouldn't even count leaving him with my husband as leaving him with someone else.

I was one of the people who did not think it’s fine, and didn’t leave them until 4 mo or so even for an hour, so just want to clarify this.

It would have been better for the kids AND me AND their relationship with DH if I had. However, I was struggling, and figuring out the logistics of how to do it felt like an impossible hurdle. My DS was exclusively breast fed, struggling to latch, struggling to gain weight initially, and wouldn’t take a bottle. The logistics of pumping was a nightmare for me in addition to all the other things such as a velcro baby and a DH who hadn’t yet realised that we have extra laundry, extra housework, and that I’m less able to do as much as before as eg DS would only nap on me. DH kept going to work as normal (or I suspect for longer). In this setup, me finding a way to leave DS long enough to have a proper shower was so difficult and so left entirely to me that I could not fathom figuring out how to leave him for an hour. We, obviously, had no local support.

So if you asked me, I might have said “it’s impossible to leave a baby”, but meant “it’s impossible for me to leave DS”.

If you can do it it is good for everyone involved.

Wherever you’re hearing that it’s not ok from sounds incredibly toxic. When my DH came home after work when I was on mat leave with my twins, I used to leave the house to simply go and sit in the car in complete silence.