To ask how you deal with your partner’s crushes?

I don't understand " celebrity crushes" .
I thought that was a stage adolescents went through. Tbh I actually don't understand people's obsession with celebrities at all.

Your partner telling you about how beautiful.he finds other women, whether they are " celebrities " or whoever, is downright nasty. If he cares for you then he should be ensuring that you know he finds you attractive and not deliberately trying to undermine you and destroy your self confidence.

I couldn't be bothered with a grown man who behaved like a star struck teenager and who showed such disregard for the feelings of his real life partner.

You need to work on your self esteem and the book overcoming low self esteem is a good place to start. Your partner also needs to be less vocal about his appreciation of other women though, as there’s a difference between saying someone is attractive and going in to detail about their sexy voice etc, and he’s taken it too far.

Wowza that Doctor is gorgeous.

This! Given he knows it upsets you, he sounds like an asshole. Nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, but you don't need to go on about it. If it's symptomatic of other inconsiderate behaviour, which I assume it is, I'd reconsider the relationship. Is it just a celebrity thing or does he ogle women when he's out too?

I don’t feel insecure about celebrities because they’re just fantasies. Salma Hayek - can I argue with that? She’s a goddess. Hell, I have a crush on her! If he voiced a real life crush though, I’d be devastated.

My problem is the opposite: he doesn’t give as much feedback on my appearance as I’d like. He’s happy for me to do my thing.

My husband and I would discuss famous people who we think are attractive. I don't think he is a dick for doing it though because he doesn't go on about it and isn't crude. I also would think it weird if he didn't find beautiful people attractive.

Maybe ask your husband not to tell you about his crushes and get yourself some therapy for your self esteem.

My DH only has eyes for me because 'no honestly, I am the most beautiful woman in the world, ever and pffff if Jennifer Lopez tried to snog him, he'd be like - errrr you're ugly compared to trytryagain'.

And that's the kind of ignorant bliss I like to live in.

Start dishing it back OP - "oh you're right she's lovely looking and so confident, a bit like 'insert very attractive male celebrity' - I love confidence and intelligence like that in a man and he's so successful with it" gaze into the distance longing for 10 seconds and then, "ohhhh, haha silly me, quite forgot where I was for a second".

Do internal mic drop and walk away.

I think there's a difference between saying x is beautiful or answering I find x attractive if asked outright but I wouldn't expect my partner to go into much detail on it even if rarely. But then if it bothered me I also wouldn't facilitate or encourage the conversation by asking any follow up questions etc.

I think you need to probably tell him the impact it has on you so he can be more aware of what he says going forwards. At the same time I think there's a bit of work for you to do in recognising that fantasy and reality are two very different things for people, and while you're seeing a celebrity and finding them attractive, you're also only getting a filtered, superficial illusion of a person whereas you are a complete, unique, whole person and that is infinitely richer! It's like people who in their head fantasise about having a threesome, but at the same time know that the reality wouldn't be something they want?

Have you done any counselling or similar to work on your low self esteem? I used to have horrific body image thanks to a difficult upbringing and a mixture of counselling, a very positive and inclusive social media feed and really putting the work in with mental exercises focused on challenging those types of thought patterns has made a huge impact for me. In that respect its something you need to get from the inside out, so then really what your partner thinks will only ever be secondary in its importance compared to what you think of yourself.

You don't need to feel insecure because you both know that his crushes aren't going to fancy him back. He's being insensitive but it probably doesn't cross his mind that you feel threatened - it's just fantasy and nothing to do with real life. You're the person he actually loves even though he may not always deserve you.

Mine doesn’t…

If he can bag Carol Vorderman then more power to him!

He's absolutely awful at math, it'd be hilarious.

All jokes aside, unless he's being a horrible letch, surely it's just a bit of harmless fun? Everyone has crushes. Crying feels like a bit of an overreaction.

Have you told him yours? If he's going on about it to the point that's it's genuinely upsetting you, tell him and ask him to stop.

My husband never discusses celebrity crushes. If he did it might annoy but I can’t imagine my self esteem being crushed. I’d just think he was being an arse.

I don’t have to deal with it because my DP cares about my feelings and keeps any thoughts of crushes in his head.

Does your DP disregard your feelings in other ways OP?

Sounds like you need to be vocal about some crushes of your own. "Tom Hardy ooooh phwoarrr," etc

@RubyTuesday10 both myself and DH have had crushes on other people. We've discussed our celebrity crushes, but we are both fine with it. I don't feel insecure because I know the various celebrities aren't a threat, and I understand that people are attracted to other people.

I currently have a crush on a new work colleague, and that is something I wouldn't share with DH. If DH told me about a crush on someone he knew in real life (and I'm sure as shit he has had them), I would find that hard to deal with.

I know that DH loves me though and would be lost without me.

If it hurts you, tell him. If he says you are silly for feeling like that, tell him it doesn't matter and that it hurts you and you don't want to hear it. Or, just say you'd drop him in an instant if Jake Gyllenhaal or Ian Somerhalder were to approach you!

This!!

ALL men have crushes/fantasies (all humans do!) but that he’s sharing them with you is the problem. It sounds like he’s enjoying regularly making you feel bad about yourself to make him feel better about himself.

In other words, you’ve unfortunately married a fecking twat (but you can start to rebuild from here…)

It definitely hasn't been a thing in my relationships. I haven't had a crush since my teens and if I'm in love with someone, why would I be obsessing about someone else?! And why would I want a relationship with someone who fancied someone else? I get that some people are polyamorous, but it's not for me. (Nor would I love someone who was attracted to celebrities, anyway, tbh we don't watch tv etc. anyway, so wouldn't recognise one if we saw one.)

I wouldn’t know who my husband’s celebrity crush is as he’d never dream of telling me another woman is beautiful/sexy and I’d never talk about my celebrity crushes with him.
Your DH is being massively disrespectful and it’s even worse if he knows how much it upsets you.
Tell him not to discuss it in front of you.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who fancied other people, whether he knew those people in real life or was watching them on screen. I know some people are ok with that, but I'd only want to be in an exclusive relationship.

Of course it's going to affect how you feel about yourself, if the man who is supposed to fimd you the most attractive person in the world is going on about finding someone else attractive!

Yeah same here. My partner likes Rachel Riley. My fave celeb crush is Owen Wilson. It's not a big deal for us to have these crushes.
@RubyTuesday10 I think if he is saying so many different things about someone he likes it does sound a bit disrespectful. It's one thing to say you like someone but to go on about all the different reasons why you like them feels a bit much for me. I think you should have an honest conversation and tell him it upsets you. Say it's fine for you to have celeb crushes but I don't need to know all the different reasons why.
I would also seek some help for your self esteem as well. It's never too late to feel great about yourself Ruby. You can work through all those old issues from earlier in your life and leave them behind. I'm 43 and I actually feel pretty great at the moment. I feel much more confident that when I was younger. I was bullied at school as most people are at some point in their lives. I've accepted how I look and it feels pretty liberating.

Yeah, I'm another one who couldn't tell you who my husband has a crush on or even if he has one.

We all notice attractive people of course, but I wouldn't call that having a crush. Some married people enjoy talking about who the other person fancies, but personally in our marriage that isn't something we do. It doesn't interest or benefit us in any way to know.

He knows it upsets you, so the only reason he would keep mentioning her is to be an arsehole.

Your husband is an idiotic moron

i would be pointing out even if he did attempt to chase his crush down she would likely laugh in his face. See how he likes it

I used to dislike it when I was younger! He never mentions celebrities he finds attractive now, which is probably better. I'm sure he still does find some attractive its just having the sense not to tell me about it!

My husband never mentions other women like that, so I never have to deal with it. I had an ex who did though - and same as you I thought "why am I so insecure about this?! I shouldn't care" until I got with a nicer man and realised my ex was a bit of a knob for mentioning other women/celebs he fancied. They do it to get a rise out of you and to make you jealous. Nice men don't do that. Your DP is the problem, not your feelings