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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry my DD might be a narcissist?

87 replies

Roxietrees · 20/04/2025 22:01

Ok so maybe this is a bit of a leap but I’m genuinely worried. My DD is only 4.5 and I know they haven’t developed empathy yet at that age but I know she can be sweet and loving to me and to our cat, hence why this reaction surprised me - So we found a dead baby mouse that the cat had killed (its body was completely intact) and it was so small and sweet. I said to DD aw it’s sad isn’t it? She laughed and said no it’s not it’s funny. Then she asked me if she could pick it up! (Using gloves). I remember being her age and finding cute tiny mice & shrews my cat had killed and genuinely feeling sad for them- don’t remember it ever being something I laughed at. AIBU to think this is a totally abnormal reaction and possibly indicates some troubling behavioural problems or, (hope to fuck not!) narcissism? Or was it more likely she was looking for a reaction/attention-seeking by reacting in a way she knew I’d be shocked by? Or am I just an over-sensitive animal lover and she just isn’t??

OP posts:
InWithThePlums · 20/04/2025 22:21

Theyalwaysknewbest · 20/04/2025 22:13

ASD

That’s a bold assumption. She’s only 4.

Magnificentbeast · 20/04/2025 22:14

Hi OP, sorry I didn’t actually mean to press YANBU! Can’t see how to undo it so didn’t want to click and run.

I think she’s still very young and the idea of death is something that she might not quite grasp just yet. I’ve found children can be very matter of fact about it. It takes time for them to learn empathy. Her reaction isn’t ideal but I wouldn’t worry just yet.

Theyalwaysknewbest · 20/04/2025 22:13

ASD

Fgdvevfvdvfbdv · 20/04/2025 22:12

She’s probably amused by the cat in a “naughty cat” sort of way.
You are reading much too much into it.

InWithThePlums · 20/04/2025 22:12

I remember my friend, age 10, picking up a murdered shrew in the garden and coolly trying to establish cause of death, while I looked on in horror (she wasn’t a narcissist, she was very nice and is now a nurse).

I suspect your 4 year old just doesn’t understand death yet.

SnoopyPajamas · 20/04/2025 22:09

Bit of a bungee jump, yeah. She's four!

I don't think I would have wanted to pick up the dead body of a mouse at four to look at it. But then, I don't think I would have found it "so small and sweet" and cried over it either. I probably would have been freaked out and wanted it away from me! People react differently to these things, and a four year old's reaction to most things might seem completely off the wall to an adult. Kids are nuts.

I wouldn't worry about it.

NeedSomeComfy · 20/04/2025 22:08

You are being completely ridiculous.
She is 4. She doesn't understand the concept of death like an adult. Many inexplicable things are funny to 4 year old.
My own absolutely adorable, loving, sweet 4 year old told me once that she liked my necklace, and then followed it with "and when you're dead I can have it". I was 😳😳.

stayathomer · 20/04/2025 22:06

She’s possibly just got a different thought process- so she’s intrigued by it or thinking it’s a nature thing eg cats are known to go after mice. I’d watch the same as you’d watch her if you weren’t worried

2Hot2Handle · 20/04/2025 22:06

My son found death more fascinating than upsetting at this age. As he got older, he was more worried about something happening to me, or his dad. I think your DD is too young for you to make a call on something like that. There could be a number of reasons why she has a different reaction to what you’d expect.

The best that you can do is be a good role model and explain things to your DD, to help her understand situations while she is so young.

3boys2025 · 20/04/2025 22:05

My 4 year old boy asks to pick up a dead mouse the cat brought in. More out of fascination rather than funny! I think you have read too much into it! She’s 4!!!!

Octavia64 · 20/04/2025 22:03

All small children are narcissists. It’s an appropriate developmental stage.

it’s only diagnosed in adults where it is not appropriate.

MumChp · 20/04/2025 22:02

She is 4.5 yo.
Don’t label your child!

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