to worry my DD might be a narcissist?

Do you feel sad when you go to the supermarket and see the meat? If not are you a narcissist?

Hi OP, my DD is older now but she was similar at 4. I remember fretting she'd be upset watching a zebra being killed during a nature programme but she got really excited talking about the blood.

She's a very kind, sweet girl. I would not worry.

Imagine labelling a four year old a narcissist? Just wait till she's 15 you'll think she's literally satan incarnate?!
You need to consider how this could seriously affect your daughter's happiness and development.

I clearly remember my thoughts at that age

No. I believe you can't be diagnosed with psychopathy or narcissistic personality disorder until adulthood anyway as narcissistic traits are completely normal in childhood.
Imagine a baby laying there crying every time it wants something regardless of anyone else's needs... Textbook narcissism 😂 but if it wasn't like that it wouldn't survive! Toddlers think the world revolves around them (all with good reason, normal evolutionary traits) then over the childhood years I guess these things gradually get honed as we learn about the needs of others.
Model empathy and kindness so she learns it over time is all you can do.l

You're definitely over thinking and projecting your feelings onto your Daughter.
Continue with therapy.
Many people have similar feelings. I remember worrying about DS, his lack of empathy, he is 10 now, really caring and considerate. I had nothing to worry about.

That sounds like a really difficult situation, but I actually think the question about your mental health - if bluntly phrased - was appropriate. You're asking if you're being unreasonable (by nature of the forum) and, yes, it is unreasonable to consider your 4 year old a narcissist, and perhaps points to struggles with reasonable responses to situations more generally. It might be useful to see your response to this incident as fuelled more by your own understandable mental health struggles, rather than anything unusual about your DD's behaviour.

You need professional guidance to unpick which of your DD's behaviours are responses to what sounds like quite substantial trauma, and which might be signs of neurodevelopmental issues. I know support isn't easy to find, and I'm certainly not blaming you for the trauma - you've done a lot to leave the relationship and start building a new life. I hope you and your daughter find safety.

Kindly, and with every sympathy for your traumatic experiences, I don't think you are doing your daughter any favours by fixating on normal behaviours and labelling her in this way. Are you taking steps to improve your mental health to limit its impact on her? Are you seeking proper parenting advice to understand the impact of trauma on her? The behaviours you describe sound normal for a child who's been through what your daughter has. The issue here isn't her reaction to a dead baby mouse.

Small children are totally egocentric. It's literally the developmental stage they are at. There will be so many things they don't understand or are curious about that can come across as strange or even upsetting to adults.

At 4.5 years old, death or killed are just a words, she has very little to zero idea what those words actually mean. The fact the cat killed the mouse, again isn't something a small child, can really comprehend. All she sees is a dead mouse - and it's more likely it's curiosity rather than anything sinister, that has caused her reaction. You are looking at the death of a mouse by your cat, through adult eyes and understanding. You may have felt sad as a child when your family cat killed a mouse, but those memories of you feeling sad, may have been when you were older than 4.5. Most of us by the time we get to much older adults, don't remember much of when we were very young. It tends to be small snippets. At this stage I really wouldn't worry. If she had said she wanted to kill a mouse herself, then, yes, that would have been something to worry about, but she didn't.

Are you quite an 'anxious' mother, OP? Do you worry that your DD isn't hitting milestones exactly on time or that her behaviour is very different from her peers? Do you see and mix with lots of other children of the same age quite frequently? Because this behaviour isn't massively outside the norm for others of her age and I'd wonder if you are maybe scrutinising her a little bit too closely and therefore finding things to worry about?

Exactly this. A narcissist is someone who doesn’t ever grow up into an adult and still has the emotions and behaviour of a small child. That’s why it’s a disorder.

Its not a disorder when the person displaying the behaviour is a child.

Did you ask her WHY she found it funny? Rather than trying to diagnose her with a personality disorder?

Suggesting a 4-year-old child is a narcissist is pretty messed up, OP. Narcissism is only diagnosed in adulthood and generally results from significant childhood trauma.

I think kids are just interested in stuff. Any new experience is worth exploring.

On holiday once we found a dead snake. Every day of that holiday we stopped by Mr Snakey to observe how the local ants were filing back and forth to it and how the body became a snake skeleton with some leftover skin in the space of a week. Fascinating.

Had it been one of guinea pigs they would have been devastated but this was science.

Oh god! There's nothing wrong with her

Why or why is everyone obsessed with trying to label normal childhood behaviour. 🤷

Please don’t be so quick to diagnose your small child with something based on a lack of understanding of child development.
This will ultimately be the most harmful thing you can do for your child. If you want your child to develop certain qualities like caring for all living creatures you need to model them to her consistently over many years until it becomes a habit.

What? In the nicest possible way, you are completely bonkers!!

She's 4.5!!

She laughed at a dead mouse and you think she's a narcissist!!! 🤣🤣

Are you all vegetarians?.or does she see dead fish and pigs and chickens on her lunch plate everyday??? Why should she suddenly have empathy for a dead mouse but not the chicken she's just eaten?? I guess if you are vegans it makes a tiny bit more sense...

I remember at that age my son and his friends putting random insects in their mouths and being fascinated by dead birds or whatever we saw on walks etc..!! He's a teen now and very sweet and a normal!

Please don't call your 4 year old a narcissist!!

Mumsnet is obsessed with labelling everyone a narcissist but I didn't think a 4 year old would be awarded this label!!

My son was diagnosed at three but by actual professionals not by some random poster on mumsnet based on absolutley nothing.

I'd let your cat's feelings be the guide here. If the cat is upset, your DD should be coached to adjust her behaviour accordingly to avoid potential interspecies offence. If the cat is OK with it, though, it's probably fine - you and your daughter probably just have an intraspecies difference of opinion.

Calm down. You have nothing to worry about.

😂