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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you pay back £11?

195 replies

StolenChanel · 20/04/2025 21:49

I went out to an event recently with a non-close friend. We used to work together and thought we’d catch up as it was something we’re both interested in. We’re not close but friendly and always got along well. I paid for the tickets on my card and it was only £11. She said “send me your bank details so I can pay you back” and I did. A week has since passed and she still hasn’t paid me back. It’s only £11 so I haven’t chased it but honestly I’m a bit miffed. We both work in the same industry so I know we’re on similar salaries, (which really isn’t very high but also not very low either) but she is far more financially comfortable than I am. Her husband has a high paying job, her in laws do their childcare and she owns properties that she rents out. I, on the other hand, budget very tightly for each month and, with the cost of living and school holiday, this month’s budget has run through far quicker than usual.

I’m not going to bother chasing her for it as I’m not completely flat out (yet) and get paid in a few days anyway, but I’m just wondering if it’s normal to not pay someone back for something this small?

YANBU = she should have paid back
YABU = it’s only £11, get over it.

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 21/04/2025 11:49

Let it go, she drove you etc.
Best if you discuss these things first then you will know where you are.

Gandalfatemyhamster · 21/04/2025 11:47

@StolenChanelyou’re not petty. The fact that she is well off is the reason she hasn’t paid. It’s pence to her. I have a friend who says ‘can you grab me a coffee’ etc, but she has no idea that my finances are such that I often don’t have that £3 to grab her a coffee. People can’t comprehend it. I would expect £11 back

Edenmum2 · 21/04/2025 11:46

If it was me I wouldn’t waste my energy chasing this up. It’s obviously negatively impacting you so just let it go.

Original poster
StolenChanel · 21/04/2025 11:44

BlondeMummyto1 · 21/04/2025 11:15

Chasing and getting petty over £11 is very embarrassing behaviour.

I haven’t chased for this very reason. I’m also not being petty - I only asked as I wondered what the norm was. I’m from a very underprivileged background, as are most of the people in my social circle. We’ve all pretty much made our way out but things like paying people back straight away are always prioritised, so I was curious as to whether this was normal for wealthier people or not.

OP posts:
Longma · 21/04/2025 11:37

She has likely just forgot.
As you also paid for parking and drinks, you could just send another text - if no responding just leave it but not pay upfront for them again.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 21/04/2025 11:34

Longma · 21/04/2025 11:12

How much would the fuel cost and parking?

Show quote history

OP paid for the parking and drinks and has already said how much it was

BlondeMummyto1 · 21/04/2025 11:15

Chasing and getting petty over £11 is very embarrassing behaviour.

Longma · 21/04/2025 11:12

StolenChanel · 20/04/2025 22:04

I’m wondering if she’s thinking she shouldn’t pay because she drove us to the event? It was about an hour away from where we both live. In which case was I the cheeky one for not just saying “I’ll get the tickets as you drove”?

How much would the fuel cost and parking?

Wishimaywishimight · 21/04/2025 11:10

You should have said the tickets were your treat since she was driving yet you still asked for payment!

There's probably a CF thread somewhere; I drove my friend to and from an event an hour away. She didn't offer to contribute towards petrol and then chased me for the price of the ticket 🙄

Here4thechocs · 21/04/2025 11:05

I won’t chase it but she’d never get a penny from me ever again. I’d make concerted efforts to show up to events with her with CASH only. if we ever have to pay for anything online jointly, I’m sending her my payment as opposed to ever trusting her again.
I do not mess with people’s money and I do not take kindly to people messing with mine, either.

Original poster
StolenChanel · 21/04/2025 10:36

Idontjetwashthefucker · 21/04/2025 10:24

FFS people, RTFT! OP paid for the ticket, the parking and drinks

To be fair I should have mentioned it in my first post, but honestly I didn’t even think anything of paying the parking as I had budgeted for parking whether I was driving or not, and the drinks were more of a “thank you for driving” as she had already mentioned sending the bank details, so in my mind I was getting that back anyway.

I live and I learn! In future I’ll be far more explicit with things.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 21/04/2025 10:24

FFS people, RTFT! OP paid for the ticket, the parking and drinks

SillySeal · 21/04/2025 08:58

If you've paid £11 each for tickets and also £12 parking and drinks and shes just covered petrol amounting to about £12 then I think she should pay you back.

If you hadn't have said you paid for parking and drinks I would have said don't ask for it back due to her petrol costs but if you've contributed approx £ 34 and she £12 then I do think she should pay it.

Teanbiscuits33 · 21/04/2025 01:48

Because she drove, I probably wouldn’t initially expect to be repaid, but that kind of arrangement would be pre agreed. If she doesn’t think she should pay, why did she say she would transfer it? It’s £11, it’s hardly an insignificant amount to someone who needs to keep to a budget.

It’s the ignorance of her that would annoy me more than anything. She’s decided she doesn’t want to pay so was hoping you’d forget about it and is now purposely ignoring your requests because she can’t communicate like an adult and has no respect for your friendship which she clearly deems is worthy of risking losing for the sake of £11.

Instead of either just transferring it as she sounds like she can afford to, or just saying, ‘’I know I said I’d transfer the money but since I drove us there and paid for fuel and parking, shall we call it quits for this event and I’ll pay for tickets next time?’’ , she would rather come across as ignorant and rude.

pumpkinpip007 · 21/04/2025 01:44

I would not chase it but learn from it and not buy tickets for anyone like that again, especially if you are on a budget. It’s ok to be upfront about it, “I can only afford to pay for my ticket, I’m on a tight budget.”

Your friend should pay you back but she sounds like she will not. I think if she intended to, it would be done by now.

You paid for parking and drinks to even out the cost of your friend driving you both to and from the event. So the £11 is on top of the agreement and is owing to you.

ExitPursuedByAPolarBear · 21/04/2025 01:30

@Lavender14 OP not only paid for the tickets, she paid for the parking and the soft drinks so I’d say they’re more or less even. But if her non-close friend offered to repay her, then she should do that. There is a strong chance that she simply forgot to pay OP back.

Lavender14 · 21/04/2025 01:12

StolenChanel · 20/04/2025 22:04

I’m wondering if she’s thinking she shouldn’t pay because she drove us to the event? It was about an hour away from where we both live. In which case was I the cheeky one for not just saying “I’ll get the tickets as you drove”?

Yes I think you're being unreasonable. You should have offered to cover the tickets. She's maybe miffed that you were prepared to chase her for £11 and also stiff her on fuel and parking for a 2 hr drive. I would see that as cf behaviour on your part.

thevassal · 21/04/2025 01:07

weathervane1 · 20/04/2025 22:12

If the event was an hour away - say 40 - 50 miles, then that's an 80 - 100 mile round trip. Assuming a total of 90 miles in a car that does 45 to the gallon (4.55 litres), where I live in the North west, that would have cost £1.40 x 4.55 x 2 (both ways) = £12.74. I doubt your non-close friend is thinking in those terms but it's worth remembering that an expense such as petrol, which can often seem invisible if the car doesn't need filling up, can be expensive. Add wear and tear on top and I think I wouldn't be chasing for the petrol. Could she have had second thoughts in terms of realising that in a way, she has already paid her fair share?

but £12.74 should be divided between them = £6.30 odd, so she would still owe OP a fiver in that case.

I would absolutely pay back the full £11 in these circs - friend still had to get there herself, so would still have paid for petrol and whatever the miniscule amount of "wear and tear" for an hour's drive is whether she gave OP a lift or not. I doubt if OP had driven friend would have sent her £22 for the ticket and OP's petrol costs!

unless we are going somewhere a much further distance away, we don't count petrol costs in my friend group, on the basis that we roughly take turns anyway so it would work out. Even for the person that doesn't drive I'd feel like a right scab for invoicing them for petrol when I was going that way anyway!

EmzJ34 · 21/04/2025 00:53

No matter the value, even if it's £1 it's principle. You took the courtesy to help pay, despite you clearly being in a less financially comfortable position than her. In this day and age, extra money is hard to come by! She needs to cough up!

Montea · 21/04/2025 00:49

Chase it she must have forgot

ClairDeLaLune · 21/04/2025 00:46

Ask her if she could check that she’s paid as it hasn’t shown in your account yet and you’re wondering whether your bank app is playing up.

Waitingforspring77 · 21/04/2025 00:39

If she hadn't driven you there I'd say yes, she should pay you the £11 what she owed you.

As she drove you then no. Doesn't come cheap to run a car when you factor in insurance, tax, fuel etc..

ExitPursuedByAPolarBear · 21/04/2025 00:38

MoominMai · 21/04/2025 00:07

YANBU at all. So many people unable to digest a simple thread and consider all the facts seemingly. Fair enough she drove the two hour round trip but you paid the £7 parking and a few soft drinks London prices so not cheap which is fair reimbursement for her driving. So by my calculations you’re still owed the ticket price. If it were me, I’d definitely ask again especially as she agreed to pay you - it’s the principle of it.

Agreed. I think all of this could have been included in OP’s initial post to provide more clarity on the matter.

ExitPursuedByAPolarBear · 21/04/2025 00:33

couchparsnip · 20/04/2025 23:18

If we're being fair you have paid for:
Two tickets £22, Drinks £10-£12, Parking £7. Total £39-£41
You have subbed her around £20.

In turn she has paid for your share of petrol about £6-£7.
You're down £13 at least.
She definitely owes you for the ticket and should buy you a soft drink next time you're out as well!

That’s a good point. Plus OP’s non-close friend did ask for the banking details so perhaps hadn’t gotten round to paying OP? Or, she could have forgotten that OP had paid for the parking and soft drinks and possibly went home being miffed at OP for not turning down her offer to pay back the £11? Either way, OP please don’t pay for non-close friends anymore. Besides, seeing as you’re not likely to meet again, there isn’t any harm sending a friendly reminder only if you think this will impact your budget.

suburberphobe · 21/04/2025 00:32

She's probably just forgotten.

Well, she sounds flakey if so. I am meticulous with paying money I owe to people who have helped me out at an awkward time. It makes for smooth relationships. It's also about respect.

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