To feel annoyed my friends blase attitude

I somewhat agree with the pp who said life is for living. I have two teens. Maybe 4-5 years max before they won't want to come on holiday with me and will be earning their own living, so I use 0% credit to cover a holiday most years, ensure they can pursue hobbies, have a few days out every school holiday that includes a sit down meal and dessert. I have a house with a mortgage but that has a decent amount of equity. I have a great pension that I've been paying into for thirty years. I have critical illness and life insurance. I don't want to look back on these years (or have them look back) and have nothing much to remember. They dont have expensive phones or clothes or anything remotely "flash" to show off but they will have memories and beyond the primary years it's harder to do that without spending money..not impossible of course, we have plenty of time sat together watching something or playing a board game but we're not hikers or bikers or generally "outdoorsy" types so it tends to be things with an entry fees or travel costs. In the end everyone has their own priorities and approach to life..as long a she's not asking to borrow from you, I'd leave her to.it and assess if you are actually happy with your own approach.

You have different attitudes to money. I would rather be debt free and even save for a rainy day than buy things I can’t afford. Horses for courses.
Whatever you do , don’t ever go on a trip/ holiday with them as you have such different attitudes to money . You are not compatible.

Your friend is bonkers to be so cavalier with debt but it is none of your business.
Stop sharing your private affairs.
If things get unstuck for her you may well find she will come to you for support and it could get very awkward.

You will never know the full details of their finances so leave them to it. Yes they might be taking out credit cards and loans, but maybe they also put money into savings and then pay it all off and have calculated the interest gained from savings outweighs the loan/credit card rates.

It sounds like you are jealous of them, so either follow a similar suit and think about whether you could go abroad, treat yourselves more or be satisfied that you are secure with your finances and not pushing things.

Fiend on the other hand has various debts……..Freudian slip @Queenofkittens - this made me chuckle.

But basically what @CalypsoCuthbertson said.

The thing is who knows if she is living on credit? My friends have no idea of my financial business, because I don't tell them.

Why should the OP be asking her friend questions like that? It’s none of her business how her friend pays for things. If one of my friends asked me how I planned to pay for something I’d tell them to mind their own business.

I don’t see the issue, it’s her business. Her life. There’s no right or wrong way to live. It’s her choice.

If you’re happy with your choices then you shouldn’t be worrying about hers. If you’re not happy then take out a loan and have a holiday?

I think some people live as though they're going to win the lottery or inherit a house, so they spend whatever they want now. You're doing the right thing, OP, but I'd avoid talking about money with her unless it's to ask her how she is going to pay for things - like, "How long will it take you to repay the holiday in Dubai?" etc.

OP, being sensible means that you will probably have more to spend in your retirement. Also, IME, people who give off the impression that they are keeping up with the Joneses rarely end up in better positions financially, and debt is one of the main causes of relationship breakdown.
Keep doing what you’re doing - it sounds like you and DH are on the same page and will stay afloat in an increasingly difficult financial crisis…

Your jealousy is your problem. You need to deal with your own insecurities.

Imagine being jealous of someone who earns and spends as they wish. Imagine being jealous of someone in debt.

Work on your jealousy and insecurity and teach your child about finances, budgeting, debt and its downfalls.

Why don’t you look for better paying work/retrain/work longer hours/start a business and get some more income for your family to enjoy too?

Assuming none of you are high earners, £20k additional household income is significant and could explain why their day to day quality of life (clothing brands, days out, toys etc) is higher than yours. Even if they have the same house as you, things like when they bought it, how much deposit they put in or the length of the term can make a huge difference to monthly disposable income as well.

Putting the big things like holidays etc on finance is potentially a foolish thing for them to do. I would teach your child about credit cards and loans and make sure they know that not everyone who has nice things is necessarily rich.

Also, you say that she’s very honest about her finances but you have no way of knowing that. I’ve definitely lied about our income in situations where friends or acquaintances have made it awkward.

I bet you sleep better at night! I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I knew my whole life was being funded on credit!

You sound jelly

YABU but I can see why it annoys you.

I would take it all with a pinch of salt. She could be bullshitting. Yesterday there was a thread on here from a woman that told her friend about a windfall. All the replies said never share financial stuff with friends. There were loads of people that said their mortgage was paid off, but they’ve told friends it’s still massive. Loads said they’ve had a few grand here and there from inheritance but they’ve told friends they’re struggling, so they don’t ask for handouts or hold a grudge. Her parents could be paying for the Dubai trip, you have no idea what her husband earns. Yes you know the figure they’ve told you but maybe she’s saying that because her DH earns 70k more than yours, not 20k.

I am quite a frugal person by nature and I’m not sure how old your DCs are or how long you’ll have left working once they’ve left home but it sounds as if your friend’s attitude is making you reflective of some of your financial choices. Whilst I do commend you for living within your means, I might be tempted to swap a longer UK holiday for a shorter abroad holiday which could be similarly priced and would be an amazing cultural experience- (I actually find holidaying in the UK very expensive for what you get and frequently with very average weather) and maybe have some fun days out with the kids too- lots of free/cheap things available plus Kelloggs deal etc. Your children wont be with you for long in the grand scheme of things and some really special family experiences and memories would last you all a lifetime (even if you had to work a little/year or so longer). Just a thought. I wouldn’t bother with the materialistic branded stuff tho and wouldn’t concern yourself with your friend’s personal situation either, just focus on your own family 😊

Probably used to parents bailing them out, pointless to get annoyed at.

What does it have to do with you? You do your finances , she does theirs

Maybe you are just too far away from her in attitudes? Is there no happy medium where you feel like you get a bit more joy out of life without running up huge debts?
My parents were frugal and would always save up rather than buy on credit - we missed out on so much and often felt very deprived
With my DC I couldn’t run up unaffordable debt but would buy things on interest free credit or pay for something like a holiday on instalments - I never got into trouble and would economise everywhere else to afford the repayments

Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

It’s none of your business what her finances and spending decisions are. All you need to worry about is you, your goals, what you’re comfortable with etc, and sounds like you’re doing just fine.

YABU

Why are you jealous about someone else’s finances especially when they’re worse than yours?

You also mention that the friend’s DH makes an extra 20k than yours which is quite a difference.

All it takes is one mishap (redundancy, poor health, etc) and if they don’t have any savings, to be in trouble.

Work more hours, have more things. Stop comparing yourself to the Jones'. Whether they're loaded or they're up to their eyeballs in debt, you'd still be jealous. It's normal to feel that way when it's so easy to make a direct comparison - if wife had a proper job or they had fewer children and they had a better life than you, you probably wouldn't be that bothered.

Let them to them and you do you. What does it matter what they spend? It doesn’t affect your life.