Husband unhappy about doing anything

Well no, he’s complaining about upping what he’s doing. Which OP has said he now needs to come home early from work 3 days a week and run the household on a weekend. She’s not actually said he refused to do anything prior to this, just that he feels he does enough and doesn’t want to up his contribution 12 hours to cover OPs new unpaid job.

It sounds like he doesn't even want to spend any time with his children and moans when he has to spend time alone with them at the weekend. You'd think he'd enjoy the quality time with them after working all week.

So you both work and bring in an income - that's the difference.

OP is a SAHP of school-aged children and has a cleaner. It's not like she's at home with three under-fives.

I work 2 7 hour night shifts a week in order to bring in some money but practically be a SAHM. My husband works full time at his own business.

He washes his own clothes. Parents his child and does basic household chores when he is home if it needs doing. He does this because he is an adult who has a family.

I would say that's very much the deal.
Otherwise why on earth would anyone agree to being the only financial provider!

If I was the only one working, I would absolutely expect virtually everything done if I were paying fory spouse to be a 'Sahp' with school aged children!!

Id want my time after my hard days work playing and having a nice time with them. Id definitely expect chores done and my work clothes laundered!!

It's entirely different when kids are of pre school age. A SAHP of school aged kids is a luxury in any household and both parents should enjoy the benefits, not just the SAHP!

Is it?

Surely even if a parent has a SAHP at home, they would actually want to spend some quality time with their children and have the basic respect of doing some very minimum house stuff even if it's just cleaning up after themselves?

That seems to be what OP's DH is complaining about. He wants to come home and do nothing and at the weekends, just do nothing at all.

Her housing is paid for
Her bills are paid
Her food is paid for
Her clothes are paid for
She doesn't provide any of the above for her children either, that's all paid for

It's not unpaid

It's embarrassing to witter on about being a SAHM and all the 'work' they do when the kids are actually of school age.

That is the deal though isn’t it? One parent does the vast majority and the other one works. Otherwise what’s the point in having a SAHP? You could share the workload and have a duel income or you have one person whose time is dedicated to the household. They still deserve down time and support of course but taking on an unpaid job that takes you away from the home for a significant amount of time is something that I think both people need to agree on

Except her DH can't seem to manage it. He believes that the mundane things should all be left to OP because of what he brings in financially.

OP is unlikely to ever earn more than him now no matter what she does so if that is always going to be his attitude going forward, it's going to be his attitude no matter what OP does for work.

You can't completely check out of parenting or mundane things just because you work full time. As you said, people manage working full time and doing some parenting and chores all of the time.

@Sunflowerz22 it's not the the fact that she wants to start a business that's the issue - it's how she's going about it.

She expects her husband to finish work early 2-3 days a week so she can work (but not actually pull in an income), and solo parent for a full day at the weekend (again, so she can work but not bring in an income).

If this was a bloke working on his "business", while not bringing in an income and expecting his wife to finish work early and cover weekends to accommodate him, he would have his arse handed to him on a plate for taking the piss.

Am I missing something?
The OP decided she was bored of being a SAHM, so took a course and started a business, with the view to bringing in money eventually. It isn't really any different to someone going back to university for a few years with the view to earning a decent wage at the end of it.

Being a SAHM often means when you do end up going back to work (which is often when the kids start school), you either have to start again at the bottom of the ladder in the career you had previously, or start a new career, both of which might have to be part time for flexibility. Either way income will probably be low.

What do you expect the OP to do exactly? There are plenty of families where both parents work full time and so they have to share the load. Why should the OP not have the opportunity to start her own career and create her own success and why can't her husband support that? The difference in income is irrelevant as she has the view that it will bring in income eventually.

It is not "unpaid" it's complete nonsense to say it's unpaid.

Again, from what the OP says, that refers to his sole parenting

Presumably he also spends time with the family the rest of the week, just not sole parenting

Are you saying its only parenting if your spouse isn't there?

@Viviennemary out of interest do you feel the same about SAHM ( or dads) ? They aren’t contributing in a ‘cash ‘ sense

If you don't provide cash are you opting out of eating and putting a roof over your head. OP is massively entitled and totally selfish and unreasonable.

It’s labour and it is unpaid. There are multiple types of work required to maintain a family - some paid, some unpaid.

Hers is unpaid. She isn’t receiving a market rate salary to spend as she wishes. As such she is unpaid.
And there wouldn’t be home stuff without her as he has made clear he does not want to do much on the homefront.

Oh please. This wittering on about "unpaid labour" is embarrassing. The OP is not "unpaid". The OP gets half the mortgage, utilities, Council Tax, household bills, holidays, cost of raising their children and last but by no means ,least, the cleaner paid for by him. I bet she has her own car, which he pays for, then there's the full cost of her course and equipment and her personal clothes, etc

All this dramatic "there'd be no home" stuff is cringe making. How do you think everyone else with paid employment manages?

He did that when she was a SAHM.

It’s interesting though that you think him earning an income means he only has partake in domestic life to the tune of one evening and a bit of a weekend.

There are plenty of fulfilling things to be done that are either paid work or can be done during school hours

Asking your husband to come home early 2-3 times a week when there are literally countless other things you could have chosen to do, is not ideal

Maybe the whole family would benefit because the OP would actually be doing something she finds fulfilling instead of being a SAHM all the time? Maybe the family would benefit because the children would see that both their mother and their father are capable and responsible for their day to day care?

To cover a hobby? Yes

that's the extent of his sole parenting, presumably he spends additional time with the family all together, that is also parenting

OP is not working with school age children, they have a cleaner, there shouldn't be loads of extra house stuff to do evenings and weekends.

The OP is "doing the majority" because he works out of the home full time to allow her not to work. "Running a home" with the benefit of a cleaner is not a full time job no matter how much SAHMs protest it is.

Do you think one evening and a bit of a weekend is sufficient parenting?

To go back to the OP:

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children

I just don't see the equivalence. She supported his career and in return the whole family benefitted because this paid for housing, food, everything.
Her hobby business is not benefitting anyone. If she had a regular job and income, at least it would be going into savings, her pension etc. So more fair to demand more support.

As it is he should give some support, so the OP can chase her dream, but he was already doing that one night a week and part of the weekend.

OP is still doing the majority. How is that DH taking over a good portion?