Husband unhappy about doing anything

He’s not complaining she’s not earning because they’ve agreed for that to be their set up. In exchange OP is expected to be a SAHP. She’s changed that set up, it’s a passion project for her, that’s great, but it’s of no benefit to OPs husband, it’s only an extra burden for him. I don’t see why that’s unreasonable

Is it? DH doesn't seem to be complaining at all that OP isn't actually earning any money yet, it's all about him having to occasionally look after his children and clean his house because he thinks it's beneath him.

That isn't going to magically change if OP starts earning a bit of money, he'll still consider those things beneath him because he's likely always going to be the higher earner.

If I was the breadwinner and my OH wanted to go back to work I would consider reducing the amount I worked slightly so that I had more quality time with my kids and could take on more responsibilities at home. What I wouldn’t be ok with is having to do all of that and still continue to be the only one earning any money. What a lose/lose for me. I have to carry on providing, pick up the slack at home, reduce the amount of time that I have for myself whereas my DW has a passion project, a cleaner, spare time when the kids are at school and no obligation to earn any money

100% this @Namechangean . No way would I be leaving my own job early to solo parent so my SAH partner could faff about on a hobby, while having every single day to themselves as the kids were all in school.

There's no future in belly dancing.

Go for it OP, why shouldn’t he spend time with the children and tend the family home, for a whole 12 hours, whoo!
Does he want to sit on his backside as soon as he walks through the door ? Nah bollcks, you go ahead..what are you supposed to do? Esp when you get to retirement age, you’ll look back and think I’ve done nothing with my life, so get out there and do something you enjoy, and if it makes some pennies all the better, if it turns a profit in a year or months, even better. Businesses can take up to 3 years to start making a profit, unless you listen to the fodder the apprentice spew on tv.
Thr bottom line is This is Your life too. True friends will support you and give support. Same old, true friends will show up, others will fade away. Same as when you get divorced! Ignore and follow your gut. Discuss with husband, try and see if he understands this support he should be giving you and what it means to you.

She doesn't say he does nothing. She says he doesn't want to pick up 12 hours of solo parenting each week while she tries to make her business work.

If my DH had all day to himself while our kids were at school and I worked full-time, I wouldn't be impressed if he wanted me to finish work early to solo parent while he went out and "worked on his business" either.

So she's not working, she's doing a hobby that she hopes might bring in an income at some point.

But his responsibilities ends when his job finishes right? And he should just sit there and do nothing? 🧐

She is still working just because she isn’t making money yet.

You've no idea if the OP's husband is lazy. He's certainly a meal ticket for the OP.

If either of them is lazy, the evidence points to the OP- what is she doing all day when children are at school?

Yep, really lazy working full-time to support multiple children and another adult

How is she working when she's not bringing in any profit?

It’s a lot of assumptions though. You could assume that evenings and weekends are normally quality family time, and what he’s annoyed at is that now OP is busy with her new passion project he’s having to come home two/three days a week to cook and tidy up, the do the night time routine, so he gets no quality time with the kids because he’s on his own juggling the domestic stuff after being at work all day.

If I was the breadwinner and my OH wanted to go back to work I would consider reducing the amount I worked slightly so that I had more quality time with my kids and could take on more responsibilities at home. What I wouldn’t be ok with is having to do all of that and still continue to be the only one earning any money. What a lose/lose for me. I have to carry on providing, pick up the slack at home, reduce the amount of time that I have for myself whereas my DW has a passion project, a cleaner, spare time when the kids are at school and no obligation to earn any money

I work 14 hours. 2, 7 hour night shifts. I’m home all the time.
My husband still manages to be a parent and a partner. OPs husband is lazy.

If the roles were reversed and you were the only earner paying for absolutely everything including your husband's expenses and a cleaner, and you'd have to give even more to support him, would you do it? There is so much someone can give before start to be resentful. I think I it's important that you have your own income and very good of you to have plans and projects but you are not saying how long you've been at it, or how much of a "slow burn" this is, if you started last year ok, if you've been trying for 2-3 years and not turning a profit then you should consider another business/job that you can run while kids in school rather than on weekends. Presumably you have lots of free time if your kids are in school, and you have a cleaner ..

No she is working.

My point is I am clearly home more an OP is and my husband still cleans up and is a parent and a partner.

Her husband is a lazy arse hole.

But you're working almost a full time job. The OP is a stay at home parent of school age children with a cleaner who has already upped their hours to free up (even) more time for the OP to do what she wants.

But if it fulfilled him and made him so so happpppeee!?
Everyone would say... yayy!! 😆

I know two people who were SAHMs for 10+ years before going back to work. One of them did volunteer work whilst her children were at school, then got a paid job, and only when she was earning an income did they have to think about juggling the children between them, and paying for childcare etc.

The other one is doing a course one day at week, and they pay for after school club, and her husband finishes early that one day so he can pick up the children.

Both of these situations are reasonable. What the OP describes just isn’t.

I have a feeling DH would feel the same way about it no matter what because even if OP was earning money, it isn't going to be as much as him and as far as he's concerned, that gets him to wriggle out of those responsibilities.

True, everyone will be saying to LTB 😂😂

Coming home from work early so that your spouse can go to work an earn money is one thing, but finishing early so they can do a hobby that isn't guaranteed to ever bring in an income is quite another.

Maybe OP can arrange childcare instead of expecting her DH to cut his hours?

OP says that DH feels that the mundane tasks are beneath him due to the fact that he works. OP also said that 3 days a week is rare, it is usually 2 days a week and one weekend day. Surely that would be likely if OP had a job anyway? Especially during the week.

This should have discussed beforehand. However, the sensible thing to do now would be for him to support you but you guys need to come up with a time frame for the business to start turning a profit, otherwise there is no point the aggravation on your family life for an unprofitable business.

Exactly.

I guarantee if a woman came on here, as the sole earner while their DH stayed home with their school aged children, and asked "AIBU to think DH shouldn't expect me to finish work early to solo parent so he can try and build a business which makes no money" - everyone would tell her was taking the absolute piss out of her.