Husband unhappy about doing anything

You need a more supportive husband..

She has thirty hours a week child-free to work on a business and improve her life if that's what she wants to do.

If "lifting women up" means going along with that, then count me out

Translation- how dare you ask this poor man to parent his kids. Get back down in your place, damn SAHM thinking they can improve their lives.

You see , there are posts here that are clearly from women that are envious of other women who are SAHM !!
Envious, because financially OP is in a position to be able to stay at home account of her husband being a hire earner .
NoSoupForYou & your snidey comments
“ you didn’t do it because you wanted to support his career , you did it because you don’t want to work “
If you haven’t got anything helpful & nice to say
Please stop talking …

I think it's a booth that goes to events, clubs etc.

It's both. Yes, he's parenting his own kids but he's also doing it on top of being the only income provider while his wife faffs about on a hobby that doesn't yet make her any profit. If DH suggested I come home from work and solo-parented for 12 hours a week while he did a hobby business and had six hours a day to himself, I'd tell him to bugger right off.

I am not going to support the sort of self pitying nonsense that has been posted on here about the OP providing "unpaid work".

I am not going to support the nonsense that "running a home" is a full time, exhausting job.

If "lifting women up" means going along with that, then count me out.

Picking up the slack....translation....parenting his own kids..

Well, considering we don't know what he earns or what she's aiming to earn, speculating about that is a bit redundant.

What we do know is that he doesn't want to finish work early 2-3 days a week and solo-parent for half of the weekend on top of a full time job while she brings home nothing and has all the weekdays to herself. Which is absolutely fair enough.

"But MN hates SAHMs"

Most posts are supportive of SAHP in early years but recognise that it is less justifiable to stay a SAHP once kids are at school.

Usually there is an emphasis of equal division of labour and equal downtime for the full time and SAHP/ PT parent. This is clearly not happening here.

"I would bet damn good money that all her husband does is sit watching tv or scrolling on his phone when he's home with HIS children."

This is a sexist trope. We could equally assume then that the op was by her own admission a bored housewife who went on a photography course paid for with family money and now exploring a "career". It might be that she has rare talent and will take off like Facebook did ( her example). Perhaps her husband and friends have seen her work and assess things differently....

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her starting a business - I did just that five years ago. But I also worked to cover my costs while doing so, and didn't expect DH to pick up my slack while I was still finding my feet and not earning a profit.

She has all day during the week to work on her business - if that's not possible and she has to get her husband home from work early several times a week so she can work on her portfolio, then maybe it's not a practical business idea right now.

OP's DH might not see it that way. Especially if what she can earn is a drop in the ocean compared to what he earns.

obviously photography will happen evenings/weekends as that's when people need events photographed. Ain't too many weddings happening at 1pm on a Tuesday!

So it pays less than zero and happens at an inconvenient time. You see why DH isn't wild keen about supporting it?

You're pathetic!

She's working, a new business and fingers crossed will start to bring in a profit. Hardly a meal ticket.

But MN hates SAHMs so I shouldn't be surprised there is such nastiness towards the OP attempting to make her life a little better, attempting to start a business that means she will eventually be able to start financially contributing too.

You're a disgrace. Lift women up FGS, we have a hard enough time with men and other subsets of society trying to knock us down and control what we do. How about just be supportive.

Fuck me, I'm embarrassed that there are so many selfish arseholes on this thread

I'm embarrassed that so many women still thinking bagging a husband is a meal ticket.

I would bet damn good money that all her husband does is sit watching tv or scrolling on his phone when he's home with HIS children.

I bet he's hardly there scrubbing the floors or darning socks.

What new business is successful immediately? He's not "bankrolling" he's meant to be a partnership and it's THEIR money not just his.

Fuck me, I'm embarrassed that there are so many selfish arseholes on this thread who want OP to give up on something which makes her happy. And obviously photography will happen evenings/weekends as that's when people need events photographed. Ain't too many weddings happening at 1pm on a Tuesday!

"OP's role has supported him to build a prosperous career."

Is this what has happened here? It seems like the OP has been happy to be financially supported and live a low stress lifestyle where the kids are at school and a cleaner is employed to reduce the "drudgery" aspect.

Now the op's husband is having to come early 3? evenings a week and have no downtime on one day of the weekend as well as working full time and carrying the mental loads of being entirely responsible for financially supporting the children, an adult and bankrolling a loss making business/ Hobby?

By contrast how busy is the OP. What does her week look like??

If the business brought in income such as the op's husband could afford to drop a day a week he may feel differently or if there was a turnaround in the foreseeable future.

The responsibility for "running the home" in this case will fall on the one who has the time to do it. What exactly does OP do all day? "Running the home" where children are at school and OP has the benefit of a cleaner isn't a 9 to 5 job.

So the responsibility of household chores and parenting is directly relative to how much money each parent earns?

My DH earns about 30% more than I do, does that mean he should do 30% less being a parent?? We both work full time, I do 5 days a week, he does shifts sometimes 6 days a week sometimes 2 days a week with 7 days off. On his long rest day weeks, he's off and I'm working does this then mean I get to do 0% parenting?

I'm just trying to work out the quid pro quo here on being a parent?

When MN speaks to SAHM they say they're at risk, recommends they train up on something and start working. But apparently there is only a subset of work acceptable. I'm sure there are plenty of husbands who started a business that took time to turn a profit, my dad did. Was a good few years before his took off, and my mum was a sahm to look after us.

I am sooooooo grateful I have a decent husband and that I am also a person who chooses to lift women up and not spit on their dreams and goals like so many are doing here.

When I went back to work it was a low paid job, made no money as the kids had to go into childcare and DH had to also pick up more slack. But he told me I was there as a SAHM which mean he could progress and get promoted and earn more money and now it was my turn. It took 5 years and now I'm able to contribute financially.

Stop kicking the bloody OP when she's down. She just wants him to step up a bit. FFS

For me it depends. The Saturdays are one thing and he can probably look after his own kids by himself for a time during what is his leisure time. However, he is fortunate to have a job that pays enough to cover a whole household and I wouldn't want him to feel he was jeopardising his job by asking him to leave early from it an extra 1 or sometimes 2 days a week.

I know I've put in extra time for career advancement but I was making more at the same time so it was easier to see the benefits for us as a family rather than a business that may or may not come to something. (Not to be pessimistic but we've all seen the business failure stats.)

I'd just check the balance too. Are you both out of the house for work 40 hours (plus travel)? You're asking him to cover 12 hours of childcare on his own and are doing the equivalent amount of sole childcare? It can be unbalanced for a time but for years on end is unfair.

Huh? Any extra income will benefit the family - it could allow him to drop his own hours, for example, or pay for extra holidays or activities.

But at the moment there's no extra income - there could even be a drop in income if he's having to finish work early 2-3 days a week. And there's no guarantee there'll ever be any extra income either.

Interesting responses here.

First point: he is entitled in thinking that, just because his job is well paid, he bears no responsibility for the general tasks associated with running a household and bringing up children. These are mutual tasks that he has gladly avoided previously because the OP took them on without complaint. He is pushing back now because domestic drudgery is not fun or rewarding. If it's such an issue for him then perhaps he could pay someone else. Given that they already employ a cleaner, surely there can't be that much that needs doing!

Second point: I've lost count of the posts on MN where the consensus has been that women need to safeguard their (our) financial future, especially if we choose to be SAHMs. That appears to be what the OP is doing. The fact that she is gaining some satisfaction from her work is a bonus we should all enjoy!

Third point: OP's role has supported him to build a prosperous career. Time now for some quid pro quo. That he cannot see this is, to my mind, problematic and disrespectful. He appears to take OP's free labour utterly for granted. Additionally, what does it say about his view of his wife that he is too good for such tasks, but she is not. He sees himself as superior because his job pays well. She is inferior because currently her contribution is not financial and not worth as much as his. This is not partnership. This is slavery.

So I’m guessing you are a photographer and taking on free work to build your portfolio?

If this is the case, I’m assuming you are now self employed rather than having set up a limited company which means business admin and outgoings should be minimal and it’s the fact the job itself commands unsociable hours rather than you working throughout the day whilst the kids are in school. Entirely guessing and apologies if I’m wrong but if so, I can see why your partner is frustrated if it’s just been an expectation of him rather than a reasonable discussion of what works best for everyone, as you would do if taking on a salaried role with unusual working hours.

If he's an incredibly high earner then no matter what OP does, it isn't likely to come close to benefiting the family financially.

OP can't be expected to be a SAHM forever just because that might be DH's preference.

Also it’s not occasionally, it’s literally half the week