Husband unhappy about doing anything

I have doubts about the viability of this business with no outlay for equipment there no overheads it should be in profit
OP says it’s photography so if it’s
Wedding you’d make money
portraits. You’d make money

going to venues taking photos then displaying them for people to buy ( dying trade as everyone always had camera in there phone now )

all I can think is OP is going round doing random shoots then putting pictures online to sell if this is the case with kids at school and cleaner cleaning the house she should have complete flexibility to pick her hours to suit family life better
we’re very short on details to tell if her DH is being unreasonable not supporting her business because to be honest it does sound like a hobby pipe dream

No, she just needs to fit her new career around the person who is supporting the entire family off of their income.

This kind of scenario is exactly why so many women are warned against taking years out of the workplace to raise children.

Yes. Economic reality is hard.

So her ability to have a career outside the home must be second to his unless she earns the same? And if not she still has to work and do most of the domestic labour?

Sounds shit.

You've made up the bit about him not wanting to any of the childcare. The OP said he did do it.

Neither of them wants to do the cleaning, so nothing will change there.

There's no need for a 24/7 housekeeper and nanny and it's ridiculous to say so. He might have to pay for additional support but he'll be far more able to replace the work she did than she'll be able be able to replicate the provision she's enjoyed.

Again the nastiness to the OP on this thread is outrageous. All the time women treat other women this way we don’t need blokes to bring us down. We are doing it all by our selves.

Easily replace her?! With a Nanny and a Housekeeper?! How rude!

Do you have any idea how much a 24/7 Nanny Housekeeper would cost? Because he doesn’t want to do any childcare or cooking or cleaning so needs someone full full time.

He could easily replace her with a nanny and a housekeeper to be honest. OP finding a job that pays enough to pay the bills and fund her non profit making business would be more challenging.

Then they need to be earning actual money to compensate for their partner’s drop in income, to accommodate the new arrangement. You cannot expect employers to agree to employees working less for the same money. Household expenses aren’t magically less and starting a business requires investment.

Or arrange your working hours around school hours, not evenings and weekends? The benefits of being self-employed.

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour ha ha- you are right there in a practical sense!!! I did mean wrong time for the family but yes both apply

I think the thing here isn’t that it’s wrong but more ‘wrong time’ for this kind of business

The right time being between 1885 and 2005.

We have a lot of photographers around here who do shoots and sell their work - absolutely none of them could survive on that income alone. They either have another source of income (second job, pension, savings, inheritance) or just do it as a hobby or side hustle, and any sales are a bonus.

It's almost impossible to make decent money - especially nowadays when almost everyone has a decent camera in their pocket.

So no business plan then? What is a slow burn exactly? Is there a date by which you will meet objectives or accept the idea is not viable? Is this just a build my profile and profits will come deal? Being a photographer is not the same as having a photography business.

Where is your business plan? If I were your husband, I wouldn’t support this unless it had a plan and a timeframe. 2 years to become profitable is enough, otherwise it’s a hobby. But also, in your husbands place, I’d say find a career plan that isn’t weekend focussed so we can have a family life, I think you owe your family that.

@faerietales I do partly agree that yes that would be the main consensus , although I do feel sorry for OP who is trying to do something positive -

I think the thing here isn’t that it’s wrong but more ‘wrong time’ for this kind of business that is mainly evenings and weekends leaving the guy with little down time too - thing is if it picked up even more the chances are it would be even more evenings and weekends- it’s the kind of thing that works well with over 12s. I do disagree with others that it would be different if it was paid- I don’t think it would in a couple who I don’t feel are short of money . I think it’s about ‘me time’ and doing women’s stuff- not money . Certainly wasn’t the main issue in my experience of a job that had shifts. My exH Moaned non stop because it limited his social time.

when people tend to do shifts with young children ( even paid) it’s usually because they need the money - it’s a bugger on anyone’s ‘me’ time if constantly on opposing shifts and is virtually always done for the money - so if the money isn’t needed and they aren’t in profit anyway - the guy probably feels it’s rather pointless- he won’t be looking at it from an angle of ‘building something up’ because clearly he isn’t that supportive of anything that interferes with his me time

@Crikeyalmighty yep, there are many such stories on here - and the consensus is always that the bloke is taking the absolute and that you can’t expect to spend 12 hours a week on a hobby when you have kids who need looking after and a wife who also deserves some down time.

"but there are many many such story’s on here - women working full time and bloke plays golf all day Sundays and goes out a few evenings a week to the pub or football practice or the gym for hours at a time"

And the advice is usually to reallocate tasks to give equal downtime. No one says well you need to be supportive of your husband because you are a partnership or points out the op is being misandrist...

@faerietales but there are many many such story’s on here - women working full time and bloke plays golf all day Sundays and goes out a few evenings a week to the pub or football practice or the gym for hours at a time.

I would certainly be miffed if she had given up a paid job to do this but she wasn’t earning anyway . I think the plain fact is it isn’t the money or she would have been back in paid 9 to 5 work a while ago , it’s the fact he’s having to do ‘women’s work’ as he sees it

I follow a local photography podcast. Of the three key people one retired, one is a van driver and the other has gone into teaching.

At the end the only money they could make was weddings and that simply wasn't enough. (None of them wanted to do weddings - they just had to do it becaise their specialisms had dried up to zero.)

The weddings business wasn't always very local, so they ended up with massive travel overheads for small money, which I suspect is why the OP is making a loss despite zero costs.

Fools never differ. 🤣

I didn't realise photography makes no money as I mentioned to the other poster.

The husband would be ridiculous to take up pro-golfing when that entirely replaces the only family income, unless OP goes back to work and he can fit in looking after the children around golfing.

Based on what I've read the OP will continue to do most of the child-rearing and is only asking for a few extra hours per week.
His reason is that he earns so shouldn't have to do it, not that it will be a massive ball ache trying to negotiate more time off work or such.

Isn't partnership about supporting dreams /hobbies / businesses (within reason)? Like I'm sure OP will have done for him.

It should - but she says it’s not currently making any kind of profit, so in terms of the impact on her family, she may as well just be volunteering.

If her business was during the week and it meant her DH had to split the pick ups and drop offs with her, that’s one thing, but as it is he’s working full-time then doing the busiest time of day on his own while his wife has all day to herself and then goes off to “work”.

If my DH was home all day, child-free and then expected me to come home from my full-time job to solo parent while he was out volunteering somewhere I would not be impressed.

Is a photography business akin to volunteering? I thought photography makes money, especially given the prices I'm charged for some digital stuff I can't even hold.

Surely any business would likely mean rejigging home responsibilities, and she can't turn into something profitable if he doesn't allow her time to do so. Agree some boundaries, but not just dismiss it entirely.

Great minds @GreenIsMyFavoriteColour