Husband unhappy about doing anything

But now you’re the one making it all about finances, when your argument is that the money shouldn’t matter.

They both had a responsibility to the household, his was financial, hers was practical, call that 50:50.

My husband would be happy to financially support our household if I wanted to be a SAHM, there would be benefits there for him in that I’m saving childcare money, I’m saving him from having to take sick days whenever child is poorly, use annual leave for inset days, parents evenings etc, it’s the trade off. But would he happily fund the household so I could do hobbies? Nope, and I wouldn’t expect him to. There is a trade off when you have a SAHM, one does more financially while the other does more practically. Why would anybody want to do both?

It’s all about contributing one was at work making a finical contribution the other at home was making an equal contribution by running the home
now one is still providing for the entire family and picking up a share of running the home the other is doing a chunk of running the home but not contributing financially it does depend if the business is ever going to to be able to make a contribution to the household

At what point did you agree to be a servant if he pays the bills?

You literally wrote “you were a SAHM because you did not want to work.”

It is work. It’s just unpaid.

I thought we were supposed to be lifting women up, but I guess the OP should get her ass back behind that kitchen sink because she's not bring the money in..

OP, know your place. You're not allowed to attempt to improve yourself, or your prospects. Get back to watching the kids and mopping the floors why don't ya. Oh, and don't forget to have your husbands slippers warming by the fire and his dinner on the table when he gets in from his hard graft. After all, looking after kids isn't hard work at all.

And if you actually read what I wrote, I didn't say anywhere that it isn't work. Although it isn't. Everyone has to keep their house tidy and cook, irrespective of them having a job.

What i said is that she didn't do it to support his career. She did it because she wanted to. That it was helpful for his career is an aside. But also he'd have just outsourced those things in the same way lots of people do.

God forbid a wife expects the man she married to actually be an active father and husband.
The humanity!

(Also note, she is not asking much more than that he cooks from time to time and runs the household on a Saturday or Sunday. Which he should be doing even if she is a SAHM.)

Waft about 🤣

Your friends (and people above) who are saying that are no doubt thinking of it as a hobby as everyone does which is hilarious given that some of the biggest companies in the world started in people’s homes.

A business is not the same as a hobby, it is a business the second you decide you’re going to sell whatever you’re working on. If you had a shop that wasn’t making money would people tell you it wasn’t a business?

I had similar here op with writing. I self publish rom coms that make a small bit but not enough to touch bills so everyone saw it as a hobby until I started making a bit more. It was sad then how the same work I’d done before was now seen as applaudable!!!!

Now I am working in retail too the comments do sometimes come that my salary is only a back up salary and we couldn’t survive on it anyway. Horrible that people feel the need to put people into categories like that and say ‘no you need to do more at work because I don’t feel you’re equivalent to me’.

I think you need to have a big talk but I do agree that you can’t really insist, you both need to come to a compromise

Where have I said I see her as a victim?

Why are you making things up?

I see her as a woman who wants her husband to contribute the barest amount to their domestic life and the overgrown manchild she married is throwing a tantrum because he wants his wallet to be where his contribution to home life starts and stops.

And a bunch of deranged PPs saying SHE is the problem.

Madness.

It is not unreasonable for her to ask her husband and father lf her kids to actually be a husband and father.

Whatever the reason, OP still supported her OH career though and it’s not unreasonable to expect her partner to return the favour. I mean they are his kids also and if he is available at the weekend/evenings then why shouldn’t he chip in? Also, my understanding of being a SAHM is that it’s still a job frequently with no end time either so as OP says she’s still doing most of the kids and household work.

The only impact she is asking for, is for him to be a husband and a parent.

@Mrsttcno1 that’s not the same scenario - she wasn’t working - so presumably you would disagree with a poster who wanted to go to the gym a few hours a week or visit her mother on a Saturday leaving him in charge because ‘it’s not making money’ - she didn’t have a money earning job before- she hasn’t put them in a worse financial position - just the same one and he’s having to step up a bit with looking after his kids or a bit of housework -

It’s mad to me that any sane healthy person would think it’s okay for any one party in a marriage to unilaterally decide to do something that directly impacts the other person without their input in that decision.

All of this. Every. Last. Word.

It’s mad to me that so many women think it’s fine if a man’s only contribution to domestic life is a wallet.

But your argument is entirely flawed because you’re determined to see a woman as a victim.

Both OP & her husband have had a responsibility to their family, she’s been doing the childcare, he’s been earning the money. Why should one of them get a chance to do what they “love” and not the other? If OP can decide she no longer wants to do the childcare and go back on her side of the deal, then her husband is equally able to decide that actually he’s done being the sole provider and wants to take a step down at work.

The fact remains that anybody who makes unilateral decisions on things which impact the whole household is being very unreasonable.

A lot of men want families the way little children want pets.

The like the idea of them but don’t actually want to do any work in maintaining them. They want their lives to remain unchanged.

My god, you lot are fucking insane!

She's not asking him to not work, quit his job etc she's asking him to pick up the slack in between so she can do something!

Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this

You're telling me you would all be happy if your partners checked out of parenting and chores on weekends just because he works in the week?

Jesus fucking christ, you selfish selfish people. She finally starts to do something for herself and he won't help and you all think that's okay as it's early days before it's making money. It might start making money if he gets off his lazy ass and helps her!!!

Well. I guess if you were making money then it would be different. Depends on whether or not you’ll be financially viable or you’re unrealistic in your business model and just working to avoid being a SAHM yet still benefitting from your husbands income. Presumably you agreed to support each other and that includes financially as well as time and effort at home/family, if you we’re making money would he mind the time he spends at home doing housework and kids stuff?

But she did not quit a paid job. Did you not read OP

In my first marriage I ended up giving up my nurse training which I loved due to my ex H constantly moaning that the shifts interfered with his social life, made it necessary for him to do drop offs and pick ups at times and stopped him going to football matches some weekend - taught me that many men on paper want a family but don’t want their lives to change one iota

She did not give up a high paying job to do something she lives. She gave up her unpaid role as a housewife to try and make her own money.

And he dislikes that because it means he has to cook from time to time.

A board full of women seeing the wife as the problem in this scenario is disturbing.

You cannot be serious. Of course it matters if it’s making money!

If my husband quit his job tomorrow and decided to start volunteering at a charity close to his heart instead for free then I wouldn’t be happy. This is no different, he’d be doing something he loves, but he’d have left me with the financial responsibility for the household.

Equally if I decided tomorrow that I’m going to start going to the gym for 3 hours every night and all day every Saturday so my husband would have to do all midweek evening childcare & Saturday on his own then he wouldn’t be happy, I’d be doing something I love, but I’d have left him with the responsibility.

Relationships are not about “ah I want to do this so you have to do xyz to accommodate me”, they are about deciding together what can be doable with the overall family finances/work factored in.

@LuluDelulu I agree with you - but it seems many feel if you take the dollar you aren’t entitled to any me time ‘at all’ regardless of whether it’s a business thing or going ballroom dancing for 4 hours

He has to engage in the family he chose to have and the food he eats and wash the clothes he wears- boohoo him, welcome to life. I assume by the fact he plays the work hard card he has a office job.