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Original poster

Husband unhappy about doing anything

441 replies

Marg01 · 20/04/2025 20:39

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

OP posts:
lizzyBennet08 · 20/04/2025 22:33

I think it was a bit much not to discuss it with him in advance and just expect him to pick up the slack. I also think 12 hours a week of chores on top of a full time job is not insignificant and you seem to be a bit dismissive of the ask .

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/04/2025 22:33

God forbid he occasionally parents his own children.

YANBU.

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:32

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:30

I wouldn’t support someone faffing about with a hobby for 12 hours a week if I didn’t get the same opportunity, no.

OP has 5-6 hours a day during the week to work on her business.

Show quote history

So how much housework and childcare do you think her husband should be doing?

tryingtobesogood · 20/04/2025 22:32

So many people posting on her act like agreeing to be a sahm is entering into a binding contract that can never ever be changed or broken. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships where each person supports the other. The OPs husband has been able to do everything he’s done because she picked up the slack. Now it’s his turn to do a bit more.

He should want to support her, because he loves and respects her. And they are his children too and she is not his maid come nanny come housekeeper but his wife.

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:32

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:27

I wouldn’t support my DH if he swanned off for 12 hours every week to do a bloody hobby and left me with all the childcare either.

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She is not leaving him with all the childcare.

She is asking to contribute minimally to home life while she does most of it.

What percentage above “0%” is it ok to expect a man to contribute to domestic life?

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:30

OakleyAnnie · 20/04/2025 22:29

Unbelievable comments on this thread. If she was a SAHM you’d be telling her to get some independence. Well she is! But you don’t see why her H should pick up the slack.

I wouldn’t support someone faffing about with a hobby for 12 hours a week if I didn’t get the same opportunity, no.

OP has 5-6 hours a day during the week to work on her business.

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:29

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:28

How does that comparison make sense? He does not have an issue with her not earning money. He has an issue with having to contribute domestically.

And that makes him an arse. If she went back to being a full SAHM and he did not have to do some cooking and a bit of childcare then he would be fine.

And to answer your question I always take issue with men who feel their only contribution to family life should be their wallets.

Edited
Show quote history

No, what he doesn’t want to do is do 12 hours of childcare and domestic stuff to support her while she goes off taking photos and doesn’t bring in any income.

Can he also go off for 12 hours a week and do what he likes?

LondonFox · 20/04/2025 22:29

Marg01 · 20/04/2025 22:18

I’m not suggesting we are remotely similar but it took Amazon 10 years to make a profit and last year it made 60bn.

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Don't listen to mooing cows.
Photography is well paid.
Even if it is not you and your DH both need days off.
He cannot possibly expect you to work 7 days a week running household while he works 5 and gets a full weekend off.
Idk why are some women on MN so daft.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 20/04/2025 22:29

If he works full time and OP is a stay at home Mum then he works probably five days a week? So OP does five days a week stay at home mum and they share the weekend - one day each? Not sure why the OP is being so berated for wanting to build a business. It will take time to be profitable as she has been doing other things for the last how many years.
posters seem to think being a sahm is doing everything all the time? Surely he can parent his own kids and wash his own clothes and cook some food?! That is the basic minimum even though if he is working and bringing in all the money!

OakleyAnnie · 20/04/2025 22:29

Unbelievable comments on this thread. If she was a SAHM you’d be telling her to get some independence. Well she is! But you don’t see why her H should pick up the slack.

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:28

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:25

I wonder if all the folks supporting OP would be supporting her DH if he spent 12 hours a week on a non-profit making “business” while she had to carry on picking up all the slack at home?

How does that comparison make sense? He does not have an issue with her not earning money. He has an issue with having to contribute domestically.

And that makes him an arse. If she went back to being a full SAHM and he did not have to do some cooking and a bit of childcare then he would be fine.

And to answer your question I always take issue with men who feel their only contribution to family life should be their wallets.

TheaBrandt1 · 20/04/2025 22:28

I did this Dh was really supportive - last year my business earned more than he did

Sportacus17 · 20/04/2025 22:28

What’s the business ? How long has it not been making money? Is it a vanity project ? If it’s making a loss is he bankrolling that?

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:28

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/04/2025 22:26

Your husband is being a ridiculous misogynist.

Can't believe some of the replies here. Most businesses take hard work to start making profit.

Good for you OP. I'm sorry your husband is so unsupportive and obstructive to you building your new business. I don't even know what to suggest as men like him are just selfish sexist dicks.

Would you be saying the same if it was the DH going off for 12 hours a week and leaving OP to pick up the slack?

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:27

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:25

But her DH is fine with her not bringing in an income.

He just does not want to do anything around the house.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t support my DH if he swanned off for 12 hours every week to do a bloody hobby and left me with all the childcare either.

Original poster
Marg01 · 20/04/2025 22:27

Merryoldgoat · 20/04/2025 22:21

Amazon was a company with financial backing selling physical products.

Not a single photographer selling their own time.

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Facebook took 5 years to become profitable.

Regardless, currently I’m selling my time but there are countless avenues I could move into where it will be less an individual selling her time per hour but more selling a service which is outsourced to external parties.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/04/2025 22:26

Your husband is being a ridiculous misogynist.

Can't believe some of the replies here. Most businesses take hard work to start making profit.

Good for you OP. I'm sorry your husband is so unsupportive and obstructive to you building your new business. I don't even know what to suggest as men like him are just selfish sexist dicks.

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:26

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:25

He should be doing that anyway. Why does he get to opt out of home life because he has a paid job?

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So, when does he get 12 hours a week to go off and do whatever he likes?

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:25

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:24

As you say, you’re not remotely similar so it’s irrelevant.

Until your business turns a profit it’s a hobby - and at the moment your DH is fully supporting you while you go off and try and make it work. But there’ll be a limit to how long he’s willing to do that for if you’re essentially just taking photos and not bringing in any income.

Does he get 12 hours a week to go and do something entirely for him?

Show quote history

But her DH is fine with her not bringing in an income.

He just does not want to do anything around the house.

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:25

I wonder if all the folks supporting OP would be supporting her DH if he spent 12 hours a week on a non-profit making “business” while she had to carry on picking up all the slack at home?

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:25

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 20/04/2025 22:02

12hours - so 1.5 additional working days a week? On top of a 40ish hours week? Another 20+% So you can try a build a business?

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He should be doing that anyway. Why does he get to opt out of home life because he has a paid job?

faerietales · 20/04/2025 22:24

Marg01 · 20/04/2025 22:18

I’m not suggesting we are remotely similar but it took Amazon 10 years to make a profit and last year it made 60bn.

Show quote history

As you say, you’re not remotely similar so it’s irrelevant.

Until your business turns a profit it’s a hobby - and at the moment your DH is fully supporting you while you go off and try and make it work. But there’ll be a limit to how long he’s willing to do that for if you’re essentially just taking photos and not bringing in any income.

Does he get 12 hours a week to go and do something entirely for him?

JHound · 20/04/2025 22:23

TheAmusedQuail · 20/04/2025 22:02

Man wants mommy-maid who will also have sex with him

Isn't this the definition of an incel? Except he's getting sex?

I'd love to be able to believe this was the last generation of male arses that believe this shite. Wants to contribute nothing other than money to his family and his home.

Alas no men like this are born everyday and likely raised to be this way by women like a lot of those commenting on this thread.

Namechangean · 20/04/2025 22:23

tryingtobesogood · 20/04/2025 22:12

I swear some people act like it’s still
the 1950s and not 2025. I can’t believe that other women would think this.

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I don’t really think it’s a gender thing, in fact I remember a previous poster who was a woman and the breadwinner, her husband had been starting businesses left right and centre for the past 10 years and they were struggling financially. He also didn’t do enough around the house. Every person responding was telling her he’s a CF and he needed to get a job.

This is obviously a different situation, but for me as a woman if I’m the sole earner in my family, because we agree that the kids will benefit from a SAHP, I think I would be quite put out to be asked to up my home contribution by 12 hours, leaving work early on 2/3 days a week so that my OH can have a hobby. I just wouldn’t think it was fair that my OH gets to be the SAHP and gets to spend a lot of their time on a passion project but I’m just expected to carry on paying for everything and now pick up the slack at home too. These things should be agreed by both people in the relationship

outerspacepotato · 20/04/2025 22:23

If you haven't made a profit, your business is a hobby.

How long have you been running this business?

How much family money is going into this business?

When does your business plan project profits?

It sounds like you two agreed he was fine with you being a SAHM as long as you were taking care of most of the domestic end while he paid for everything. Now your hobby business is so time consuming that he's having to both provide all finances and do domestic work and he's not happy about it.

I wouldn't be real happy about a vanity hobby project that wasn't turning a profit but taking up a lot of my spouse's time and possibly eating up joint finances either.