Husband unhappy about doing anything

All the rest of the time when he is not working / sharing domestic load. Same as her. Currently he does no childcare or domestic work. You said he should be doing “some” and now he is.

So what is your issue?

He is not taking part in the household. He is just contributing money.

That’s it. In terms of his life before and after kids there has been no change to bisexuality workload

That PP is making no sense.

She is adamant at OP for expecting her husband to do some chores….but also thinks it is unfair for him to do chores.

Literally zero sense!

On the contrary, the husband working to provide for the whole household is most definitely taking part in that household!

What ridiculous nonsense is spouted on this and similar threads

Someone has to bring home the money to provide a roof over their head and put food on the table. Essential to any household, I should think.

He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life He’d need to be earning in the tens of millions for me to be either running the home, or being on call ready to run the home, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Who the fuck does he think he is? More importantly, who does he think he married? An employee would have better working conditions.

However, I think your friends are right to urge you to be cautious, albeit for a different reason. I think you’re rapidly approaching a crossroads in your marriage. He doesn’t sound the sort of man who would be willing to support your career the way you have supported his. He was fine with you doing your course because it didn’t impact on him. But the more successful your business becomes, the more it’s going to demand your attention. This sort of man is the particularly entitled sort who firmly believes that your job is to look pretty, make sure nothing in the house demands his attention and ensure that the children aren’t going to make any demands on him. I think you might well find yourself being presented with an ultimatum; you’ve had your fun and your little bit of independence, now get back into the home and be my wife again or else.

I hope you will continue with your business, make a huge success of it and have him and your friends see you as a woman in your own right and not merely as a support human. But you need to be prepared in case I’m right and this ultimatum is just over the next hill. Don’t be blindsided by it. Start thinking about what you want your future to look like.

What does it matter if he has an office job? He's obviously earning enough to keep the family in very comfortable circumstances (no 2nd income needed, employing home help etc), which means he's almost certainly working in a high level, high stress, high consequence environment.

If OP, who has zero financial responsibility, wants to redistribute the responsibilities at home, eating into his presumably meagre downtime, she should be prepared to contribute financially in some way too.

If her business isn't allowing her to do that, it isn't viable.

He’s isn’t loosing any family time. He is managing the family time he already has himself occasionally instead of having his wife do it for him. Not everyone works Monday to Friday, many people work weekends and I guarantee they don’t all go around accusing each other of stealing family time and creating extra work for each other. If op had a salaried job then people wouldn’t be getting hysterical over her leaving the home occasionally on weekends. Over half of businesses don’t make a profit in the first year. If things don’t change after that time period then it would be reasonable to reconsider her options but I really don’t think most men during the first year of running a business would be treated the way op is being treated in the responses. I doubt they would be expected to look after the kids to the same extent either.

I started a business that didn’t turn a profit for a year and that my DH supported. It wasn’t a hobby, it was me turning my professional training into a tangible business which now it is. The sexism on this thread is insane. Of course the OP’s DH should care about her happiness and long term financial prospects. He just doesn’t want to do domestic chores!

No. It is an economic reality which requires women also to not indulge financial delusions of sustainability

Thank god for your reply. I was thinking I'd mistakenly landed on a surrendered wives page!

Building a brand? Legal and professional advice? Accountancy services? Public liability insurance? Studio space and equipment? Web site? Networking events? Gallery space/rental, framing supplies, framing services? Office Space? Travel? Equipment insurance/replacement? Are none of these line items in your business plan?? Is there actually a written plan you have shared with your partner at least or this more a case of you have a camera and a dream? Which is totally OK but is not a business and changes the ask in relation to your partner

If a man starts a business do people refer to it as a hobby that pays pocket money or is this engrained sexism?

Yeah no I wouldn't want to bankroll something with this low an earning potential either and I think you are rather cheeky!

Mmmm so you’ve already bought all the equipment over the years which must be the major setup cost covered but you haven’t made a single penny profit

"I don’t understand why OP is getting a hard time, "

She and her husband made an agreement. He works 5 days a week. He has two days off to spend with his family. Now, in taking a full weekend day for her vanity project, his workload has increased and his family time has decreased and it does sound like he's paying for a hobby project with little chance of showing a profit.

If OP was a father who wasn't working and the wife was supporting along with the kids and he was taking a full day to work on his own project that had shown no profit leaving his wife to do everything, he'd be ripped a new one.

A business exists to make revenue in excess of costs. If it is not making a profit and has not secured independent financial backing it is a time consuming, expensive hobby funded from family finances. If you want your primary investor to continue to have the funds to invest, and also fill the gap at home, then you pick up some of the financial burden to free up more of their time to spend at home, or you make profit to pay for childcare so you can both be working parents. No one can do everything and finances determine what we can and can’t do

@dreamingbohemian thing is I’m all for this - but as a money making hobby - if it’s not making money why is this? It’s not like building an app or something you sell on that requires 10 months of ‘paid development’ - it’s a fairly low barrier to entry without masses of up front costs.

You’re being very unreasonable. If a woman posted on here saying that as the main breadwinner married to a SAHD, she was suddenly expected to come home early 2 days a week and have all the household and parenting responsibilities 1 day a week too, as well as earning all of the income, people would be calling the man a cocklodger.

As a SAHP your husband’s career needs to come first whilst your work isn’t making a profit. One of the trade offs is that the breadwinner doesn’t need to worry about making it home for school pick up or taking a day off when a child is sick.

It doesn’t sound like your business is working for family life. I’m all for getting people back to the workforce but a business that takes you away from the family for 12 hours a week during evenings and weekends, is too much based on your current circumstances. You need to do the work during school hours. If the business isn’t compatible with this then it’s not compatible with your life.

It’s not about your husband being unable to look after kids for those 12 hours. He sees the current balance in your relationship / family being unfair, with him having to do much more than you to keep the family going. I’d agree with him.

Do you have an actual business plan, backing and separate finances for your business? I’m at a loss why you would pitch for funding without including salaries and operational costs in your costings. Or is your partner expected to be footing the bill? If you know when you are expecting to break even have you told him? Or are you expecting him to fund this indefinitely?

I don’t understand why OP is getting a hard time, what is wrong with Mumsnet? She has taken care of their kids to allow her DHs career to progress without interruption. Now she is asking him to do slightly more around the house so that she can get her own career up and running and in the long term be less dependent on him financially. She’s not asking him to remortgage the house to bankroll it, she’s asking him to watch his own children a couple of times a week.

Dont listen to these twats OP. Speak to your husband, decide together on a cut off point after which you need to be profit making with this venture and if it doesn’t work be realistic. He needs to let you take a decent punt at it!

Like looking after his own children and cleaning his own house? The horror.

OP is trying to build a business. She isn't flouncing off to golf or football for a jolly and then doing fuck all when she gets back which is often the case in opposite scenarios.

I’m a bit baffled if you are out so much why you aren’t making money - not being dismissive by the way , as a lot of women on here don’t like it if you are actually doing something fun and interesting and think you should be out there working in Tescos or cleaning toilets for it to be a ‘real job’ ,

Cleaning toilets or working in Tescos are real jobs that bring in real money.

It's been notoriously difficult to make even wedding photography pay for at least the last 10 years or so. There are few/no barriers to entry and a vast number of hobbyists chasing the business who are willing to work for peanuts becaise they enjoy it.

No, she hasn't "massively reduced her contribution to the household", she's still doing the most of the household and parenting according to her OP. Yes, he's financially supporting the household, but he's not being supportive of her fledgling business. Businesses take a while to get off the ground, something many on this thread can't seem to fathom.

The man is literally complaining about parenting his own children and doing some housework in his own house. Can you not see how ridiculous that is? At what point is it actually ok for OP to have her own business? How much profit does she have to make before people will actually see her husband for being unreasonable? Because it all seems to be about £££'s according to most on here.

What have we become when marriages are no longer about teamwork and supporting each other? It's just about who earns the most does the least housework and parenting, it seems.

The point was that up until now OP was a SAHM - Hubby Financial provider. Now OP wants to change her current responsibilities without taking on financial responsibilities that would ease the financial burden on her hubby giving him more free time to spend at home. In fact she has increased the financial burden by becoming a non profitable start up. As the primary earner in my house I too would be pissed if my partner was this financially irresponsible.