Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you make your older dc join in?

59 replies

motherhen27 · 20/04/2025 19:06

My ds is 13 and has started with the typical teenage attitude and angst. His younger sister is 3.5 so a big age gap which I try to juggle as best I can.

Tried involving him in an Easter egg hunt which was obviously more geared towards the little one but I thought it would be nice for him to help her. He just grumbled and clearly wanted to be back on his xbox the whole time. I didn’t push it as his attitude really wasn’t adding anything to the day so after a little while I let him go.

Do you make your older dc join in with this sort of stuff? I’m aware he’s probably too old to enjoy it but I’d also like him to have a tiny bit of appreciation for the fact that all of this was done for him when he was little and if he could just show a bit of engagement with his sister (who adores him) it would be nice. I’m finding this new attitude hard to manage as he has always been a very loving boy and now he seemingly hates us all and just wants to be left alone, ideally with a screen for company. How long can I expect this to last for and how much do you push older kids to stay involved in family activities?

OP posts:
Oneborneverydecade · 20/04/2025 20:05

We don't expect our DS13 to join in. He's already said he doesn't want to come to DD7's upcoming birthday party. DS18 is keen to come but he's come out the other side of the grumpy teenage stage.

ItGhoul · 20/04/2025 20:02

He’s a teenager. Why does he have to fit in with a toddler? He is your child too; his needs/wants are no less important than those of your three-year-old. It’s not his job to entertain her or do things to make her happy - it’s yours.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/04/2025 20:01

I don't see what good will come of making an unwilling teenager join in with something like that. It's also pretty futile expecting teenagers to show appreciation for something you did for them as a child. With age gaps, some older siblings will be more interested in the younger one than others, you can't force it.

You need to be realistic and find other ways to connect with him.

SlipperyLizard · 20/04/2025 19:59

My teen DDs (13 & 15) must be unusual - they would love it if we set up an Easter egg hunt for them (we’re away so that’s why we haven’t), and would enjoy setting one for younger kids.

MummytoAAandX · 20/04/2025 19:58

My DD is 14 and her younger siblings are 5 and 7. It is getting a bit more difficult the older she gets to to find things they all like to do and she does more with her friends but she joins in with most things. This holiday we've taken them all to a theme park, swimming, beach and picnics, played a family game of cricket etc... she's also quite happy to entertain her younger siblings. Might make a difference that she's a girl though...not sure

UndermyShoeJoe · 20/04/2025 19:56

No I don’t force it. I might offer incentives but we don’t have that huge of an age gap either. My two teens were incentivised to take part in the egg hunt to humour their 9’year old sibling but there was no demands to take part. It was seen in my behalf very much a their loss as the youngest would get all the sweets.

Just like the oldest 16 now doesn’t have to come on all family days out but there is always a deal to be had. Birthday involving two events, you don’t have to do both but you do have to join one pick one.

Caravaggiouch · 20/04/2025 19:55

I don’t think it’s too much to expect him to join in for a little while. I do think it’s too much to expect him to want to, or to appreciate it now - it’s not for him, it’s for his sister. It’s got nothing to do with things you set up for him a decade ago. That’s a big age gap and I think it’s unrealistic to expect him to be really enthusiastic about an activity designed for a 3 year old.

Sirzy · 20/04/2025 19:53

Maybe get him to help with set up instead? Focus on the excitement that way?

Cakeandusername · 20/04/2025 19:51

It’s a massive age gap and I wouldn’t expect him to join in. Perhaps chat about days plans in advance and agree what is none negotiable eg you all eating lunch together.