Why do some women not like their husbands?

Namaste 💅

Lovely.

For someone who claims to be so blissfully content, you certainly are defensive. Also remarkably humourless. Namaste.

I just cannot fathom people marrying each other then literally not wanting to spend time together. What’s the point?

Gee whizz - let me think now.... try getting an imagination - that could help

Ha, I'm very similar. I did spend my 20s sleeping around, and luckily had a non-judgmental social circle who did much the same thing so didn't get told any nonsense like that. But I'd have only got into a relationship with someone who really, really enhanced my life; there was no guarantee of that coming along so in the meantime I just had casual sex.

It was such a huge thing for me to overcome my commitment-phobia with DP. We went out for years, then lived together for years, and only when I really felt I knew him inside out, and we'd supported each other through some extremely low moments, and I'd thought about how I'd feel in 10, 20, 30 years' time, and I'd weighed up his few flaws against his many positive attributes... only then did I commit in my own head. And we weren't even going to bring any children into it.

A lot of people overlook basic incompatibility and I'm just perplexed as to why.

Likewise, the poor men who have to put up with moaning whining hags who watch Loose Women for their daily fix of sisterhood solidarity.

All the things I'm putting up with are being loved, good sex, sharing the financial, emotional and physical chores/costs/problems. Having someone to take over if I need a minute. Someone bringing me a coffee on a morning.

Don't project your own hatred of men onto all women with husbands. Many of us actually like them.

I love my husband but I married him because he’s supportive, kind, patient and generally a decent bloke who takes on his load of childcare and chores without complaining.

But he’s not my best friend, I had my best friends before I met him. Obviously I like to spend special occasions with him; especially ones involving the kids. But we’re not joint at the hip. We both have separate interests and hobbies and we enjoy our time doing things for and by ourselves and whenever we fancy it 😌

What are you talking about? It has zero impact on me. I just think about all the things she will be putting up with.

Because most women- whether we like it or not- settle, and this is mainly because, as @jhound alludes to, most (not all) women want children- it's not as simple as waiting around for Mr Perfect, and that urge for children trumps everything: They could wait for the perfect guy, but they then run the risk of never having children, so they choose whichever "ok" man can make that happen. I've also seen similar happen with groups of women in their late 20s-early 30s- all of a sudden everyone seems to start getting engaged/married/pregnant. It seems to set off a chain reaction and they seem to scramble to find any man who is willing to put a ring on it/have a baby. These men are nearly always wayyyy less than perfect and seem to be the type that are happy with anything with a vagina (so not choosy at all).

It's only after the kids come along, and when the baby blinkers are off, that the wife realises how useless/boring/unattractive/what a twat he actually is, whilst the husband is resentful because all of her energy and attention goes on the kids- he is now surplus to requirements now that she has the children and the home she wanted (apart from a second income (or even the main income if shes a SAHM) and an extra pair of hands around the house). But she doesn't want to be a single mum, lose the home and share 50/50 custody, and he doesn't want to be alone nor lose his money and his housemaid, so they just trundle along until they can no longer bear it/the kids leave home. They bitch to their friends about each other to let off steam, but they won't leave. That's most people's reality.

Ignore the miserable posters on here OP. Your marriage sounds lovely x

I feel sad for you that someone else's marital status has such an impact on you.

I love my husband so much and enjoy spending time with him: he’s so funny and good fun to be around, so handsome I fancy him loads and he’s the most amazing dad. sometimes though, I do fantasise about never seeing his annoying face ever again. Ha ha. It’s part of marriage, I’m sure he hates me too sometimes. Doesn’t last long but sometimes me hating him briefly makes me realise why I love him, why are we like this? Hahaha

I was very lucky to meet him as we lived 200 miles apart and happened to both be working away and he happened to walk into where I was working. Lots of factors that may never have happened.

But I did the same, thought about whether we should live together hard, thought about whether I wanted to make him my "forever" person. We were together years, and had lived together, before we even considered getting engaged or anything more serious than sleeping in the same bed in the same house.

I have friends who hitched themselves to the first man that showed any interest and they are in that cohort of people who hate their spouse now. At the time I was told I was giving myself a "reputation" for having had more than one boyfriend (it was four "boyfriends" and a few dates, hardly sleeping around, and I was "single" for 2 years before I met DH, handful of dates but didn't like them enough to do more than dinner/film). Weirdly though, having spent some time working out what I did/didn't want, I'm now happily married and we've been together nearly 2 decades.

Choosing your circle is very important.

I feel genuinely sorry for any woman I meet when I find out she has a husband. :)

I consider it luck that I met DP in the first place - compatibility is very rare - but it wasn't luck that I decided to commit to him long-term. I thought about it for years and it was a very conscious decision.

I'm constantly amazed not just by the women who hate their husbands but by how many women seem to know nothing about their husbands' personalities. Every day we see threads along the lines of "my husband of 15 years isn't talkative, he's always been like this, what do I do" - perhaps notice what his personality was like before marrying him?

I'm not sure this is just limited to husbands though. Plenty of MNers also seem to hate their friends. I'm just baffled at how many people seem to let their social circles happen passively to them. Are they aware they can choose their friends and their husband?

Like my parents? Who still love each other and spending time together?

Or DHs? 55 years down the line and still like to be together.

Wait until you’ve been married for 40 years, kids have gone and you’re both retired!

Awe , that’s so lovely PP that you met your soul mate in life 🥰 .. lots never do 🤷🏻‍♀️….
I’m so sorry to hear that he has passed ..
Yes , very lucky indeed to have found one another . I know lots of gloomy stories on this , your story gives me faith though , I still haven’t met my forever partner , hopefully though 🤞☺️

This doesn't make sense.
Why would you be happy about friends hating their husbands, meaning they're in an unhappy marriage 🤔.

Strange to base likability to hating a husband/father to their kids.

Sounds like one of those women who thrive through other people's pain.

I think this post explains it. Most parents will do things for the DC that the DC will enjoy but it’s not particularly important as a family therefore there is no need putting both parents through it. Me and my DP will do this often not because we don’t enjoy spending time together but because there is no need for us both to be there doing nothing one of us could be at home doing something which benefits the family long term while the kids are entertained.

If it helps in some small way, our aforementioned friends went through something similar but in another field.

it felt to those of us on the sideline (who were trying to maintain the fence sitting option) that his use by date suddenly expired when he could no longer do what he was doing before.

In urgent need of an operation, which is being manhandled badly in every way possible, he has temporarily lost everything. And shortly after, his wife who he is no longer good enough (useful) for…

You know those men do exist, right? I've never had to remind DH to take the dog out or the bins. He gets out of bed before me most mornings to make sure he is ready on time to spend time with DD before he leaves for work cos he starts early and wants to see her.

Sometimes he leaves clothes next to the laundry basket, but so do I, neither of us are fussed about that. We also both do washing.

It's a radical idea, I know, but some women got lucky and some women genuinely like their husbands.

I know lots of women who won't settle either. Myself included, I didn't.

I was just giving examples of women who would, because a PP suggested some do and it was pooh poohed.

What do you mean ‘some women’ I thought it was a truth universally acknowledged that we all dislike our husbands?! 😜

I honestly think that people who still adore their husbands after more than a few years are very much in the minority, especially after they have kids. Finances are a big thing keeping a lot of couples together, even after the kids have flown the nest.