Why do some women not like their husbands?

I think you have nailed it there. I was in a toxic relationship when I was younger. I thought he was amazing, wanted to spend all my time with him, completely ignored friends who raised concerns with me and started seeing them less and less. It's only when I was out of it I realised he was abusive and controlling, I was clinging to the idea of a happy ever after and blind to everything because of childhood trauma. Whenever I think of him I feel so grateful that we never had a child together as we had planned.

🙄🙄

My second husband is lovely. Doesn't mean that I don't want to murder him ( metaphorically speaking obviously) sometimes several times a day and then sometimes not for weeks on end. He plays golf. I couldn't hit a cows arse with a shovel. I have other interests and friends. He has separate friends.

Or...some women love their husbands but still shock, horror chose to spend the day apart doing separate things...

I often wonder this and further, that some families genuinely don’t seem to like eachother (I mean immediate not extended).

Im like you OP. My husband is my best friend and the love of my life. We stay up most nights talking for hours and I still fancy the pants off him (apart from in my luetal phase 🤪).

We’ve been married for 14 years this year, together for 20 and I met him at 17. I think it really helps when you’ve grown up with someone. I watched a podcast to say the most successful marriage are those that marry by the age of 28-32. I agree wholeheartedly with this.

I hope the weather stays fine for you, Mrs Smug.

Ah the one you agree with, you mean? Because its starting point is about the husband while other insightful posts, the best on this thread I thought, are about the value of not being joined at the hip which is unhealthy, and enjoying time with others too.

I have a best friend and am so privileged. I am also privileged to have a good husband with whom I have much in common and shared values, but he’s not my best friend.

My priest friend sees many bereaved people who are absolutely lost after the death of their spouse - grief yes, but because they are the idealised “ devoted to each other, do everything together” they cannot function alone. She and her husband have separate interests and voluntary roles and sees this as vital to living well. Of course, it goes without saying that they are together a lot too because he’s retired, but they are so interesting to each other as they share their news

They're probably with their husbands most evenings. There's nothing wrong with spending time with friends, it doesn't mean someone doesn't like their husband. I'd actually say it's quite unhealthy to want to spend all your time with one person.
How do you even have friends if you can't imagine spending time away from your husband?

Since there is an undertone of condescension and smugness here, allow me to be frank. All the women I know who gush about their husbands like this have the same vibe as religious fundamentalists who use blind faith as a survival mechanism. They have forced themselves to believe something so hard in order to cope with their own life and to squeeze some happiness out of it. They also have crushingly low self esteem or high people pleasing tendencies, often stemming from a childhood of abuse, neglect or undiagnosed ND.

They are so desperate to cling onto this idea of a perfect life that they've constructed from movies and media (once again, usually the result of early life trauma). By telling themselves over and over again they are in the best marriage with the best husband, it creates an illusion of a happy ending.

From the outside, these husbands are all mid at best. At worst, they are abusive narcissists but the women never leave because they've brainwashed themselves into thinking they love him. They usually have no identity outside that of being a wife and mother and the superiority they feel when confronted with other people's imperfect relationships. So if they lost their belief that their partner is perfect (like a religious faith god) it will completely shatter their life.

For context, many women don't like their partners because no human being is perfect. They are mature and mentally stable enough to accept that each person comes with flaws and there will always be friction between two fully-rounded adults. These women have also had time to develop their own sense of identity and gain experiences and thoughts that they only hold for themselves. Having children changes that entirely and only the most subservient or traumatised women will be able to sacrifice all of their freedom without the slightest bit of resentment.

This doesn't mean all marriages are doomed to fail. Many of these women dislike their husbands in certain phases of life but they are also mature enough to work through it or accept the sacrifices they need to make. They know exactly where his flaws are and have made peace with how it impacts their family. Any woman who thinks her husband is absolutely perfect is a massive red flag. Rather then question why some women don't like their husbands, it's worth seeking therapy to question why it's possible to believe a life partner is absolutely flawless when this cannot true on a human and social level.

You didn't mention age but meeting and marrying partners young is also a red flag. It's essentially one step below grooming and not surprisingly goes hand in hand with very religious communities. Teens are too young to even know what they want from life and having a partner or children extremely young means you never get to experience the multi-faceted experience of actually being a fully independent adult.

Genuinely silly (but it is OK) and arrogant (this is not OK) post. Do you think those women who as you say 'do not like their husbands' have not been betrayed, used, disrespected, ignored and rejected by their husbands?
Do you have a cast-iron guarantee that your beloved of 10/5 years will not be spending next Easter with somebody else? Sorry, not next Easter, next Sunday?
Shocking arrogance.

But they’re two completely different days out. We have loads of days out as a family. My husband and I genuinely enjoy each other’s company, and spend the majority of our free time together. That being said tomorrow I’m meeting a friend and taking out children somewhere. The kid’s play together and get to enjoy the activity with their friends. It’s a completely different experience to being out with me and their dad. Not better, but different, and really lovely for them.

Yes, I have a young widowed friend and she cannot cope without a man. It’s very sad to watch someone pursuing a new man above all else. Too many women believe the crap fairytales.

I think this is what OP wants to hear and a tap on the back for her wonderful choices in life.

18 years. I am bonded with many friends about how men are twats, more importantly our husbands. However, we’ve all done the time…

Exactly. I know a few people who were sadly widowed at a young age and they ended up with nobody. Maintaining your friendships and hobbies is so, so important.

Well in my case I married a man who appeared to be lovely and to want the same things as me. After we'd had 2 children he became a completely different person. I knew for sometime that he was having sex / an affair with a 17 year old from work so happy family events werent quite the sunlit uplands I'd imagined they would be.

I’ve seen this before. The love of your life is all you need until he’s not there and you’re alone.

Yes, come on. Don't be naive. Or pretend you are. It's not cute.

Why are you automatically blaming women like it is their fault?

They are probably out with their children and not their DH's because if they waited for DH's to go out, their children would always be missing out as they just wouldn't go anywhere.

Some men aren't as perfect as your husband. Surely you know that?

I married mine because my previous relationships didn't end in marriage. The definition of my madness is doing the same thing and expecting the same result.
So I did something different.

We've been together 20 years and it probably won't go on much longer But it was fun whilst it lasted.

I presume the point is that they’re married and it’s easier to just stay. Also financial pressures , mental heath issues, post natal depression put a lot of pressure on marriages.

Guess you’re bored with each other though, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be starting a controversial thread on MN. Maybe you should’ve gone out with your friends too..

If they’re such good friends, why can’t you ask them OP?

DH and I have been together for 27 years, since we were students. I love him and I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but as a 46yo going through the peri-menopause without HRT (not allowed), sometimes he is fucking annoying.

In time, life experience will answer this question for you. If not in your own relationship, then in seeing what happens in other people's.

To be honest I make sure I spend time with friends regularly because even with the perfect partner you never know what is around the corner. How many times are there posts on here from women who thought they had the perfect relationship until they find out otherwise, and then they have no friends to lean on because they abandoned them all for their 'perfect' man. I love spending time with my husband - we have been married 25 years - but I also recognise the value of maintaining friendships and having those relationships outside the marriage.