Why do some women not like their husbands?

Because people change. After menopause and freed from the huge time pressure of child rearing, women can become more assertive, more reflective and less willing to put up with male nonsense.

Because male abusers don’t wear a flag that says they are abusers and can mask for quite a while. Didn’t your health visitor explain that the statistics show lots of male on female abuse starts for the first time when the woman is pregnant and vulnerable?

Because life events, illness, money worries, caring for needy stroppy teens and aging parents takes its toll on relationships.

Ten years is nothing - sorry, you sound naive. Marriage is a marathon. Not for the faint hearted or delusionally romantic. It’s tough but worthwhile if your opposite number is a decent human being. But it’s hard.

I love my husband and spending time with him but I also love spending time with my friends as well. Easter is a normal day in our house and it wouldn't have bothered either of us if the other person wanted to spend it with friends.

I think the reason our marriage works so well is the fact we are so easy going with each other. We both like having lives outside our family, neither of us feels the need to spend every waking minute together and if one person wants to spend a weekend day or go away for the weekend with friends that's absolutely fine. It's something we actively encourage each other to do!

You seem very naive. Everyone has different reasons to not spend every free moment with their husband. For example, parents who have children doing different sports during the weekend, that the children LOVE. The dad will take one to lets say rugby and the mum takes the other to netball. Throw a third or fourth child in there and you are juggling a lot and dont get to spend all day together....because you put the children first. Evenings are spent together as a family and day time is spent juggling busy schedules between sports and birthday parties. Or some parents might have a sick child they need to tend to while the other takes the other ones out. And some people like to hang out with their friends, especially if they do not see them much and they get to see their husbands every evening and morning.

I'm happily remarried, but even a little while before his death, when he was very ill, me and my late husband could still talk until the dawn about anything and everything, utter shit possibly most of the time. We had up and downs in the decades we were together but that was a special thing.

However...I also had and have good friends, who picked me up at my lowest point and were there when I most needed them. Such people are incredibly important in any life.

Thank you. Its been a week now and I do feel better. Things are still very unknown, but I at least can function on a basic level again

But by the sound of it you do spend time with your friends?!

I must just have better ‘best friends’ because I never have to watch what I say around them and they are FAR better at emotional support than my husband. He’s a fixer, whereas they listen and give advice if needed, but often just listen. Certainly don’t try and one up me by telling me how bad they have it.

Im very lucky and grateful to not only have a fantastic husband but also the best friends anyone could ever wish for. I guess when you already have a best friend you don’t need to look for one in a spouse so it was never something I factored in

I'm heartened to read that there are other wives & husbands who Iove to spend their time together. And that does not make me a trad wide - v far from it!

26 years and I still like to spend time with him

out all day today having lunch and then a bar where it’s a beach vibe 😂
holidays and weekends away

I don’t want to spend my time with other people
I want to spend time with him

I have been married 45 years (no children which helps) and we are still very happy.
I think lots (far too many) women are so desperate for children they marry without giving it enough thought. So no wonder so many marriages don't work out

I also think this is often the case. I'm not in it as long as you, but we're coming up for twenty years, no children by choice, and still extremely happy. Hanging out with him is my favourite thing to do.

I think you're getting a rough time here OP & I don't think it's warranted but perhaps those replies are demonstrating your point quite nicely!

We're together 26 years & married 21 this year & we've weathered a lot of stress in those years including infertility, financial worries, loss of parents, v serious illness in immediate family members etc

We are absolutely & without a shadow oh a doubt each others best friends. We adore each other & have a lot of fun together.

We have a wide & varied circle of friends, both overlapping & separate. But they are friends. Not life partners. I (probably more than dh) put a Iot of effort into maintaining friendships & they are v important to me. We're in our 50s now & I've known oldest friend since we were 11 years old.& she is like a sister to me ..

I never, ever give out or bitch about dh with anyone & he does not about me either. I feel this is v important to us. I hate being around people who are speaking badly about their spouses.

I totally understand what you mean OP there are a lot of people who fundamentally don't seem to like their husbands. It's depressing to encounter

And the attitude that I hate, is that it's the norm & there must be something wrong with you if you don't wish to spend your time with your girlfriends instead of him etc

I see my friends v regularly & we go abroad together once a year since our dc have grown up. It's great & I love & appreciate it. But it's not better than spending time with dh for me.

I'm sorry but do you really not hear how awful this question is?

Obviously, the people who are spending more time with their friends don't have the quality of relationship that you have. Most likely they married in love and with hope, and over time things have gone awry. They have grown apart.

They are not wilfully ruining their marriages and 'hating' their husbands. How disrespectful to say this. What a mean generalisation.

You are lucky.
Yes, because it feels like that's what you want to confirm.
YOU ARE VERY LUCKY.
Well done. You have a lovely marriage.

Lots of people don't, but they try to stay together to keep families together, and they get through somehow, by for example spending lots of time with close friends.

So pity them, don't mock or attack them. Much more gracious to be decent and have a balanced perspective.

My ‘lovely’ dh had an affair when our dc were 1 and 3. I’m not so keen on him now.
I think it’s great that you are happily married. Well done!

I have a parallel husband. We trot along reasonably happily getting on with our stuff. Sometimes we do stuff together. Often not. But that’s ok. There aren’t any rules about how we should be as families.

Wait til the menopause hits, it changes you.

Brain injury changes personalities

Because some people really do dislike their husbands but cant leave them for whatever reason? I though it was bloody obvious.

Nice humble brag OP. Well done you for not picking a dud.

Aside from the women who are trapped in bad marriages for a myriad of reasons, a good marriage looks different for everyone. Yours involves a husband that is your best friend and you want to do everything with. It’s not that for lots of other people.

Honestly, you’re either gloaty or dim not to realise this.

I love my DH but have spent all day pottering around the house alone by choice. He has been out with DSC and I wanted the day to myself. Forgot it was easter tbh (obviously DSC have had eggs). You can love family but also enjoy time to yourself.

I am quite simply deathly allergic to husbands, I've tried to find a cure but it's terminal.

I’m so glad I found this thread as I need to vent!

Hate is a very strong word.

35 years married.

I don’t know if I hate my husband but I seriously dislike the fact that he had an accident which has left him with a brain injury.
I dislike the person he has become because of it.
I hate that he can no longer take responsibility for anything and everything is left for me to manage.
I hate that he has lost his independence.
I hate that he can’t make a decision.
I hate that he has no awareness of what I feel or how he impacts on my life.
I hate the loneliness I feel.
I hate no longer having financial stability as I’m the only earner and it’s minimal.
I hate my life more than I dislike my husbands injury, I seriously hate it, if I had the courage to end it I would, but I can’t as my husband would then become my adult children’s responsibility and I couldn’t do that to them.
So, I’m in bed already, just to remove myself from him, tears streaming down my face writing this. Hopefully I will sleep tonight and waken up to do it all over again tomorrow.

Rant over!

Anyone reading this, please don’t reply, things will never get better, I have accepted that this is my life from now on. I don’t need advice or pity, I just wanted a safe place to vent.

My husband is my best friend. Not because I don't have a close enough friend to call that, but because when you break down what a "best friend" is, he ticks all the boxes.

He has my back completely. I am 100% myself with him. I can be totally honest with him. When I have good or bad news, he's who I want to talk to first.

I love my friends dearly, and if I want to watch a romcom or drink cocktails and dance or go to the theatre or go for a spa day or something, I'll call them rather than take my husband because it'll be more fun.

But you know if you were entirely honest with your best friend, there would be something they'd take offence at, so actually you'd be more careful what you say or how you word things. My best friend will be there for me if I need support, but she will "empathise" by telling me how bad she has it. I don't want that, I need to just talk through my feelings and then figure out my plans. DH knows that, and supports me how I want.

We're not joined at the hip, but he is my best friend. Wouldn't have married him if not.

Love a bit of balance - enjoy time with my husband but also bloody love the house to myself or a day with Friends.

I only spent Christmas with him since we had kids. Before then I preferred to be with my family and he was with his.

we do have lots of similar interests and loved festivals and clubbing and gigs

but since we had kids we can’t always go to these things together cus of childcare -
so we go separate with friends now. 🤷‍♀️

It's lovely you're so happy. My partner isn't the person i entered a relationship with and I'd rather spend time with friends or just my children. I have a much nicer time without him

What a monster! I hate him.