AIBU to have told my partner to stop comparing our daughter to his niece

So did your DH. He compared the actions of walking/being pushed in a buggy. He didn't say to your daughter "you're a lazy little oik, just look at what an amazing little girl your cousin is"

Tbf, 2.8 isn’t too “tiny” to walk.
Perhaps if more children did, obesity wouldn’t be such a problem.

How would it it motivating though? A 2 year old isn't going to aspire to do what a 1 year old is doing.

It’s not nice to compare, but I don’t think that’s what he was doing. It would be the same if he said “oh look at cousin eating her lunch, shall we do the same”. If he said something a bit more superficial like “cousins hair is so beautiful, shall we make yours beautiful too” then I’d have a problem.

In this example it doesn’t sound like your DH compared his DD persona he compared actions.
This is a rubbish example because he sounds like he was just trying to get her to walk, how would you of done it if he did it the wrong way?

Well maybe don’t?

Christ what a lot of dramatic responses on this thread.

At 2.8m your DD should be being encouraged to walk more. Be honest, if he’d wanted her to walk more and didn’t make the comparison would you still have been annoyed? Because I get the impression that this is less about the comparison and more about you wanting your DD to stay a baby, and the buggy is helping with that.

Nobody is saying that a 2.8 YO should never be in a buggy. But we live in a society where people’s behaviour is becoming more and more sedentary, and that in turn is contributing to the poor health of many and going forward, the obesity crisis.

Children should be being encouraged to be fitter. To walk places rather than constantly be pushed/carried. She’s clearly capable, so why isn’t she doing it?

Given the example you have is of him trying to get your daughter to walk I think your overreacting.

You're massively overthinking this. I was pretty child-led as a parent, but I still don't think that your DH did anything horrendous. He was not comparing the children, he was trying to motivate your DD.

You're looking out for unhealthy comparison because of your history, but this isn't one of them. Almost every parent in the world will have done similar.

Children like to mirror there peers so it often used as an encouraging tactic to develop and maintain skills.

my assumption is that your DP was doing this rather than implying DD is worse or less than her cousin. I think she should probably walk more.

She needs to get used to walking for longer periods. Why assume bad faith from your DH?

You compared him to your father and uncle. Maybe start by not doing that?

My problem lies with parents expecting certain behaviors from their children—especially in a rigid, performance-based, or approval-seeking way—it can harm the child's authentic self.

Eh? You know as parents you often have to push children to do things they don't want to do. Many young children make basically quite poor choices if left to themselves. They can often be quite lazy, selfish, disobedient etc, and its our job as parents to help them learn better behaviours. Its ok to expect more of them and have them out of their comfort zone a bit.

The comparing is wrong.

But just because a kid likes riding in the buggy doesn't mean its good for them. The earlier you encourage plenty of walking as a means of transport the better. Things like scooters/balance bikes really help.

That's one hell of a reach when the only thing that you know about this man is that he's trying to get his daughter to walk instead of demanding to be pushed in a buggy.

I’m also guilty of comparison in a similar way to your husband “look 8yo dd, your 5yo cousin is putting her own socks on, I’m sure you can try too!” I don’t see anything inherently wrong with what he’s said and it’s good to encourage her and sometime a bit of completion can help but if it’s part of a bigger picture of comparing them unfavourably then I can understand your annoyance.

Your dd not walking at that age is not a problem at all. That same neice that could put her own socks on was in her buggy until gone 4 years old as she hated walking! I find it more of a problem when they just want to walk from a young age, much more troublesome.

Your partner sounds desperately insecure, and he’s allowing his own inadequacies, and fear of others seeing how inadequate he is, to be transferred into his toddler daughter. Which is pathetic. No wonder you’re irritated.

My boy Dylan didn’t walk until 18 months (way later than most), used the buggy until 3.5. Now he runs cross country, brilliant at all sports and nothing wrong. Doesn’t need comparing. Plus you get places faster with the buggy so if I was him I wouldn’t complain 😅. Parenting is hard though. Sounds like you’re both trying your best, but annoying comments don’t help x

The fact that a younger child is walking is probably demotivating if anything. It doesn't make it seem like much of an accomplishment.

Absolutely this.

Hope you didn't pull any muscles with that reach.

He was doing what all good parents do, and encouraging his child, who is 2 years 8 months to get out of the pushchair and walk, as you'd expect from a child of that age who doesn't have medical or physical difficulties.