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Original poster

To really hate school run and feeling overwhelmed

113 replies

Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:32

I’m really worried and anxious about the school run next week and wondering if anyone could please support me. I’m quiet but I am sociable in that I will say hello and smile at people. I’ve been told I’m bubbly when I confided in someone about my feelings and they dismissed me and basically told me I’m not the problem and these mums are very cliquey and unfriendly. Truthfully I don’t fully believe this is the case. I think they just don’t like me. It’s really awkward as I’ll say hello to them all but it feels like strange as they all wait for each other at the cars then walk in as a group laughing and joking.

there’s a few mums who aren’t part of this group and I’ve invited one over for play date but when I saw her again she was really cold and didn’t even say hi till I said hi first. I’ve also tried arranging play dates with kids my child plays with but I’m met with how busy they are. I recently found out they did a group play date and didn’t invite my child even though they are all friendly, it’s really awkward as it’s only 15 in the class. My child is year 1 and majority of the mothers only met at the school. I feel upset as they all share birthdays, days out and holidays together and I’m really not involved. How shall I behave on Tuesday? Completely blank them or be polite as I usually do. How do I not let them get to me?

OP posts:
Tameys · 20/04/2025 15:57

OriginalUsername2 · 20/04/2025 15:46

Get in, get out. Plenty of working mums don’t have to deal with any of the school gate BS, you don’t either. The friendships are those of popularity and convenience. Most of them will fade out when all the DCs start secondary.

Spend time with real friends and family. Make more at clubs and groups if you feel lonely. Put your DC in clubs too.

So true.
With my daughters there were women that skied, Bahamas, spa days together.
When the girls went to secondary schools and lost touch it was instantly over.
Bizarre.
I was never involved with my daughters friends mothers like this in any way during primary, however since the girls are in secondary schools and nearly finished, over the years a few of us have met up for a bite to eat and it has been lovely and friendly, no pressure at all and pleasant.

I would be very wary of the instant froends, holidays together crew, just like i was 15 years ago when I first came across it.

Original poster
Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:49

Thank you so much everyone for all the advice and support. I wish I could stop overthinking it but I get like a knot in my stomach and driving back home I feel such shame and discomfort, I just can’t find the words why but I kind of feel not good enough for people to want to stop next to and have a catch up or ask how I am.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2025 15:47

Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:37

@ToKittyornottoKitty thank you. I find it so difficult not to say good morning or hello! I don’t know why. But I will definitely try next week. Should I still smile at them or just look in another direction?

Talk to your kid or act how you would anytime you are with people you don’t no, like in a queue or waiting room. You are majorly overthinking it OP, which is a good thing as it means your stress is unfounded and you can relax a little as these people aren’t analysing your body language anywhere near as much as you are

OriginalUsername2 · 20/04/2025 15:46

Get in, get out. Plenty of working mums don’t have to deal with any of the school gate BS, you don’t either. The friendships are those of popularity and convenience. Most of them will fade out when all the DCs start secondary.

Spend time with real friends and family. Make more at clubs and groups if you feel lonely. Put your DC in clubs too.

Original poster
Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:46

@PowderRoom i think our experiences are very similar! The person I confided in is a mum I’ve said hello to for past 1.5 years. We often see each other at school and her son does swimming same day as my child on the weekends so I say hello to her there and we often chat about just general stuff, I don’t know why I confided in her day one day, I think I was just feeling really upset and lonely. . Her son is 2 years above my child she doesn’t really know the mums well but she smiled knowingly when I told her how im feeling. She’s seen the mums walk into school. She said my class mums are known by others for being cliquey. But tbh I don’t think the issue is all the mums I think I need to step out of my comfort zone

OP posts:
Tameys · 20/04/2025 15:46

First off is this your only schooling option for your child?

If not consider moving.
I never moved a child but I have had lots of fridnds in small schools with small numbers.

I wouldn't care what they offer I wouldn't go near them for the drama and difficulties they witnessed, desperately avoided or suffered.
Simply not worth it.

Mine had 30 in each of their classes and although big, you could find nice parents and children without difficulty.

Cliquey schools with tiny numbers must be just the worst.

Sorry OP it sounds hard.
If you stay, steele yourself to be polite and breezy.
Get your child involved in activities outside of school as much as possible and develop outside school fridnds from where you live, sport etc.

Make school life as small as possible in your life.
That is what my friends did and it worked out ok.

PowderRoom · 20/04/2025 15:41

OP, kindly, this is ridiculous. These people have no more to do with you than people you stand beside at your regular bus stop. Who cares if they think you’re Satan incarnate? I don’t understand your sentence about confiding in someone about your feelings — was this another class parent?

I was one of only two non-locally born parents at DS’s first primary, and, despite being socially confident and having never had the slightest issue with making friends, it was quite unfriendly. I don’t think any malice was intended, they just weren’t used to strangers, particularly foreigners who worked FT. No one’s fault. I just asked children DS liked around for play dates at our house at times I could manage. It didn’t negatively impact on his life. I made great schoolmate fruends almost immediately at his next school.

2dogsandabudgie · 20/04/2025 15:41

You're overthinking this. The mum of the child you invited over for a play date might have been thinking do I say hello first, what if she doesn't say hello to me, and then felt really relieved that you said hello to her.

Just carry on saying hi to people but don't try and force yourself in to the group. Sometimes these groups can be quite bitchy and you're better off out of them.

Dollshousedolly · 20/04/2025 15:38

If all the parents are ignoring you as well as excluding your child from group play dates, etc, I’d consider moving schools. Or if it’s just a few Mums doing this, I’d ignore them and enrol your children on some after school activities where they will meet other kids from other schools. Did you have a birthday party for your child - did any of their school friends attend ?

pearbottomjeans · 20/04/2025 15:38

Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:37

@ToKittyornottoKitty thank you. I find it so difficult not to say good morning or hello! I don’t know why. But I will definitely try next week. Should I still smile at them or just look in another direction?

Be busy talking to your kid.

pearbottomjeans · 20/04/2025 15:38

You’re overthinking this. Get in get out. You wouldn’t want to be friends with cliquey exclusive people who put such weight on the school run, surely?

Original poster
Familydyn · 20/04/2025 15:37

@ToKittyornottoKitty thank you. I find it so difficult not to say good morning or hello! I don’t know why. But I will definitely try next week. Should I still smile at them or just look in another direction?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2025 15:35

Don’t say hi to them first, but say Hi back if they say it. It’s a shame for your daughter but it doesn’t sound like it’s malicious, sounds like they are just already friends.