To really hate school run and feeling overwhelmed

This is an interesting point. When my DCs first started at primary I worked full time for almost two years, so it was just drop-off, pick-up and go etc.

I changed to part-time WFH after that and used to have a knot in my stomach every pick-up for the next two years.

Then when my DD started I sort of relaxed. They’re both almost adults now and the four good friends I eventually made in primary I’m still friends with.

As for the cliquey ones, loads fell out with each other, got divorced etc. I think they were all just rather basic, shallow types.

This is bizarre to me, I have three primary aged children - I drop them off at the gate, they walk in I walk back to the car and go to work. I don't speak to anyone and nobody speaks to me, I honestly haven't even thought about it until now but I wouldn't have time for chatting in the morning anyway. I honestly think most people are like me and just getting on with their day and you might be overthinking all of this. I agree with a PP just act like you're taking your kid to the dentist and these people are just others in the waiting room - irrelevant to your life.

We moved to a new city when my daughter was a toddler. I was lonely and desperate to make friends with some of the parents when she started school. It didn't happen and I saw other parents bonding, having days out together, even going on holiday together! It hurt, not because I begrudged their friendships. I didn't see them as a clique, just friends. It hurt because I was so terribly lonely. I'm shy and struggle to form connections when seeing people for only a few minutes a day.
Anyway, in the end I decided to stop seeing the school run as some kind of social experience for me. It really is just a time to drop your kids and pick them up. That's it. I got to school at the last minute so I didn't have to hang around too long. I removed all pressure on myself to make friends and be popular. I was always nice and friendly to people and had some good chats over the years but stopped trying to make friends. I stopped feeling like a failure for not making friends.
I know it's hard but just stop caring. Drop your kids and pick them up. That's all you have to do.

My school has mums like this too, they always stand in the same place, they're always there early and still standing chatting when the kids are in. I don't have time for that, I'm there 30 seconds before the bell and as soon as the teacher comes out, I'm straight back to the car. Honestly I couldn't care less, they have their lives, I have mine. I'm busy!

The only mums I really spoke to were the ones of the children my children were close friends with at the time.

I do school runs daily for work but don’t even think about chatting to anyone waiting or dropping off unless it’s a quick hello to a parent I recognise through work.

I get it would be nice to make some friends but to get into a knot like this is not good for you. You need to drop and run with brief hellos if it is stressing you out this much.

Oversharing with one mum was maybe a bit too much on a first meeting.

Don't look. Chat to your child. Be happy to get your routine back. Walk in, drop off, walk out. Treat them the same as you would a stranger that you catch the same bus with everyday on a work commute....you wouldn't acknowledge them or expect a friendship or a chat....essentially you would ignore them and not think twice. Do that!

Work on building friendships away from the school gates and then you won't be remotely interested in what they are doing because you will be busy with plans of your own.

Since he's divorced you're fine but only as long as you are also single.

MN frowns heavily on married members of the opposite sex being friendly, having a coffee together etc😂

Maybe it isn’t you and it isn’t them…

maybe they know each other from older kids? You bond more with the parents in your oldest child’s imo. Maybe I am wrong, but half the mothers in my oldest’s class already had their people when my kid went to school.

if there are only 15 kids is it very rural and maybe they have all known each other since they were 4 years old.

It's literally brutal.....I never really fitted in.....it's their loss. Don't stress too much about it. Go in, drop off and leave. Smile on your face, head high....I found the whole experience absolutely pathetic honestly. Don't lose sleep over it. If that's how they act do you really want to be a part of that behaviour.

Honestly OP, don’t give these people so much headspace. You won’t necessarily find any friends among them and that’s ok; if you do, it will just happen naturally so don’t try and force it. I had this with DC1 throughout primary school - no mum friends whatsoever as they all seemed to flock together and were just on a totally different wavelength to me. DC2’s year was a totally different bunch and I made several friends without expecting to - it’s all just luck of the draw!

On a separate note, could there be some rejection sensitivity at play here? You seem to be taking it very personally (not judging you - I am similar!)

Is there a breakfast club?
By the time I got to my third, they went to Breakfast club literally every day.

I really feel for you OP and empathise.

I think I present outwardly as someone who is sociable and friendly on the school run, but I actually find it really awkward for a whole host of reasons.

I’ve tried to explain it to others, have been told I’m overthinking it all, I’ve possibly expected too much in terms of connection.

All I can say is it can take some time, and funnily enough some parents I chat to the most aren’t who either of my DC’s play with, but I have got to know their parents more via play dates initiated by our children.

All you can do is keep doing what you’re doing, being polite and friendly, and try and follow your child’s lead by suggesting things with their friends (sorry to hear this hasn’t worked out when you have tried).

My youngest (of 5) starts nursery in September and I plan to keep my head down and mouth shut. I've experienced the school gates for the last 10 years. I've had various groups of 'mum friends' and it is nothing but drama and fake. They weren't my friends, they just happened to be in the same place at the same time as me 5 days a week. Free yourself, be polite, but stop caring. It feels so good!

The things is in secondary school they make their own friends and my contact with the various parents is sharing lifts for late night pick ups.
But if it is a tiny school and the junior small school is not hugely added to for the secondary school cycle, which would be unusual, I would rethink it.

My daughters school went from 30 children in primary to 95 in secondary so it trebled.

I wouldn't know many of the parents outside of my daughters circle and some of them I have only met briefly.

In secondary school they organise themselves socially completely on their own.

Don't make any rash decisions but reflect and September is a good time to move.

Is she young, some repeat their first year if it didn't go well for them, depending on what age they are.

These cows people exist everywhere, you need to get over it. Find someone else in the year group and hang out with them or go and get yourself a job/hobby instead of letting them win. Don’t allow thoughts like ‘I am never good enough’ control your mental state. You deserve better. Moving schools won’t help. There are cows everywhere.

I find some people are very very hard work and really are reluctant to welcome new people to their groups. They are the girls who were cliquey at school and they simply never grow out of it. My strategy is to be pleasant to all but particularly smiley to everyone except the grumpiest one - then they worry about why.

Do look for friends on the playground. Just because women have children doesn’t mean they have anything else in common.

get a job or a hobby and make friends that way with people you have things in common with.

Try just nodding at them instead of saying hello - you're acknowledging their presence but in a much smaller way. Just nod and look away so you don't even see if they respond.

And don't worry about it, it's not forever. Will your child be walking alone to school at some point or is it a distance away so that you have to drive? If the former, then it's just a few more years to go.

I've only made friends with one other parent and my oldest is 14 and honestly it's fine. I nod or say hi to other parents if I see them (ds goes to breakfast club and asc and I rarely drop off or pick up at the same time as others). If they engage me in conversation I'll talk to them but that rarely happens (they know I'm a foreigner and probably assume my conversational skills in their language aren't great)

Just think of it like work - professional face on, smile and say hi then go about your day. I have perfectly amicable relationships at work with people who are not my friends. People are often disappointing and don't behave as we would like, that's on them not us.

I think you’re probably right that at least one of them doesn’t like you. I expect they were slightly threatened/affronted by your natural friendliness because it challenged the Queen Bee hierarchy.

Not everyone will like you in life. Not if you’re an interesting person, anyway. Honestly, try and switch it in your mind so you’re looking down on grown adults who are still behaving like they’re in high school with silly playground cliques and games. Hold your head up high. You’re better than that. It’s all very small. Do an internal eye roll when you walk past.