To really hate school run and feeling overwhelmed

Honestly @Familydyn I do feel for you but I think you need to back off a bit. Especially as not one of them intervened when one of the kids told yours to go away. I would avoid eye contact with them and only say morning if someone says it to you. Just step back and reset for a bit.

That sounds awful.
Sign him up to everything you can outside school.
What are the school sports for the school during secondary school?
Get him involved now so that he might get onto a team.
It is especially hurtful that they would be dismissive of a child, but it shows their character.
Not people that you would really wish to be involved with.
Great suggestion from @BrentfordForever

I really hate this trope of 'bitchy school mums'. It's sexist. Why don't dads have to be nice to people at the school gate? Why is it only women who have to make or recieve social overtures in relation to their children's school?

Kindly, op, it's just the school run. If it's making you this anxious I think you need some other help or to concentrate on building your social circle in other ways.

I don't try and be friendly to anyone particularly at school- I've got a full time job, volunteering and enough friends outside of school I don't have the bandwidth for. I'm not thinking anything about anyone except getting out of there. It doesn't stop DC having playdates when we've got time- me or their dad will just WhatsApp the relevant person off the class group but like others have said we don't get a lot of spare time. No drama, we don't need to be their new best friend. You need to radically reframe this.

in terms of play dates try other children and what about out of school activities ?

That is not nice but just try to be matter of fact and don’t try too hard. You don’t have to be in their group. The children will have their own preferences for friends soon

@Familydyn if school is small
ask teacher for support

we had similar friendships issues when my youngest moved school. Very cliquey environment with kids already been friends for years

Teacher was fantastic , figured out potential friends, found opportunities to play together , and then I arranged play dates as other kids really wanted to . Now we have no issues at all.We are in very small indie school though so support was easy but perhaps you can speak to school too.

But you don’t need the parents to be your friends! You issued an invitation. Wait and see if the other parent responds. some people don’t do play dates much, or on the other hand, are booked up way ahead, or prefer to go with the flow — I couldn’t, as I worked FT, and had to arrange stuff on about one possible day a fortnight.

What you should absolutely not do is confuse his social life with yours, start to see rejection around every corner, and give him a complex. You will also do far better not giving an impression of slightly manic desperation.

Get in, get out.

When I was still living in the U.K. I detested this aspect of the school run.
We lived in a small, rural village and the village primary was a lovely school with an outstanding OFSTED rating. Lovely place!
But from what conversation I did have on the playground: majority of the other mums were at least 10 years older than me (I had my DC’s in my very early 20’s). They were all mid-30’s to early 40’s, had been career women before kids. They were all married to blokes with high-earning jobs. They were all very outwardly “put together” - nice outfits, designer shoes, clearly no stranger to a hair salon etc
And then there was me 🫠 mid-20’s, single mum, 2 children attending the school plus a baby, heavily tattooed, skinny jeans with a band t-shirt and Vans was my school run uniform, and I worked in a boozer at the time 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 I stuck out like a sore thumb.
I made one set of good friends - a couple around my age who would alternate school runs. We got on really well. But me and that couple clearly were not welcome in the bigger circle.
I just didn’t care! Clearly these women were not my people, we had nothing in common. My DCs were friends with their’s, my DC’s still got invited to birthday parties etc……but I definitely wasn’t concerned that I wasn’t getting invited to School Mum Brunch 😂🫠

I much prefer the system at my DC’s school here in the US: Carpool loop.
Pull up outside the front doors of the school, say goodbye, kids get out of the car, I drive off. I’ve had zero interaction with any other parents from school for almost an entire school year. It’s blissful. No playground politics!!

Also I met mum friends with clubs outside the school gate.

He’s six! At that age ‘best friends’ change with the weather. He’s almost certainly less upset about it than you are. Your job as a parent is to say ‘Maybe X didn’t feel like playing’, and go on your way, asking him about his day. Children that age are often shattered at the end of the school week, anyway, and haven’t they been together all week at school? You issued an invitation, and seem to be overreacting to a lack of reply, but how long is it since you messaged? It often took me days to reply to playdate invitations.

Don't stress with the school gate OP. My dc's are all at secondary and university, but I remember the feeling very well with my oldest. It didn't help we moved from a city to a tiny village and I didn't fit in. I thought I would make mum friends but it didn't happen with my oldest. I thought they were clicky and bitchy but they just all knew each other from growing up in the village. With my younger dc's I met a lovely mum and our boys are still friends. We still catch up even when we left primary years ago. Don't over think it and just be polite with a hi. You will meet other mums but they may be outside the school gate. Just chill. You will meet your tribe.

Take the advice you’ve already been given! Disengage. Distinguish between your child’s social life and your own. Have some therapy. You can’t make people like you, and you need to stop fixating on these people.

You’ve been given loads of really good advice and gone and done the opposite. Stop trying to make the group like you. You’ll be coming across as intense.

Again: stop obsessing over these people and make friends elsewhere. They’ve shown clearly that they’re not interested.

Do they not have jobs to go to@Familydyn ? I honestly wouldn’t feel self conscious, you sound really nice. In our area there’s a lot of sahm /unemployed mothers at the school gate and I’ve had a few stupid comments when I’ve had to rush off to work 🤷‍♀️ I never comment on their situation but there’s definitely a lack of awareness from some about having to rush off etc

School is for the children not the parents but now it seems there is more school mum dramas than there is with the kids.
My sister took her kids to school then picked them up only time she would have a chat was if someone started it just a nit nat and got on with her day.
She did say shes pleased she dont have to deal with it now. The best day of her life was not having to deal with the schools anymore plus being 41 she would not have the time to deal with play dates and school mums BS.
Her children are both adults now.

Thank you x. My youngest has just started secondary school so no more school runs for me!
By the time my second child started school, I'd already decided not to try and make friends at school. I'd been burnt once and didn't want to get emotionally involved again.
I was always nice and friendly to everyone but kept it brief and superficial. Just dropped him, said hi to a few people and left. I did get to know two or three mums a bit better over the years but we never became close friends.
With my first child I did end up making friends with one mum but that wasn't until DD was in year 5 and I'd given up trying by then!
I'd say just stop caring, drop your child at school, smile and say hi to people and leave it at that. If anything develops then great, if not, it doesn't natter.