To really hate school run and feeling overwhelmed

Same @Familydyn child just gone into yr 3 and I do pleasantries say hi but it's never more than this and I see others having conversations at the gate and think why isn't that me?!! No one's rude or horrible though, just doesn't go past pleasantries, I'm well aware I'm quite invested as we moved here when son started school and I wanted to make friends, it hasn't happened and so I feel a massive sense of rejection. Ridiculous as through the holidays I hadn't given this a second thought and my self esteem wasn't really an issue, back to school and I'm walking home like 'what's wrong with me'!!! I'm introverted, probably abit socially awkward but pleasant to chat to I would say, but I'm not out there to be the most popular or the best at anything or on the pta and so don't pull people in or have that natural people want to be friends with me vibe. But often these are superficial friendships anyway. I certainly swing between I'm fine with what I've got and feeling shite about myself that I haven't got a hareem of friends through the school run!!

Did that group all attend? It does seem strange that they are excluding you and your son.

Wow ..I'm finding this thread really helpful as I feel the same way. My daughter's only at preschool but I find the drop off overwhelming sometimes and have to come home and comfort eat 😂
I just don't understand why it is has to be so cold and unfriendly, and I actually don't want to change myself and stop smiling at others just to fit in with the crowd and not feel a bumbling fool 🤣😂! So I carry on but I feel a buffoon and this is at the very moment I'm trying to show confidence for my daughter's sake.

The thing is - people can be in cliques all they want - I have enough friends in life and don't need to make any more. I just long to have a smile returned now and again !!!

Thanks OP it's helped me to realise I'm not alone xx

Did your son have a party in early years/reception? Or this year? I think that’s a good way in to at least talking to people.

My idea of heaven!

You don’t have to do play dates. I hated them. I worked full time so they had to be at the weekend and the last thing I wanted was another child to supervise. I did them very occasionally.

Are you the only one not in the clique? Could you set up an alternate clique?

I had to google Hollyoaks - I admit I’m not up to date with what’s on trend lol.

'Sour faced' or just getting on with their lives like normal people do?

I want at school drop off and pick ups for a reason so I got on with that reason, it wasn't Hollyoaks

Everyone has a different upbringing and confidence levels when making friends. It does not mean that because now you can’t line up a play date, it’s doom and gloom forever.

I think find another gate to walk your kid through or if you must pass these sour-faced women, just a breezy hi is enough.

It's good yours do through other friends, I meant the other kids who might not have that

Don’t be alarmed 😂
My DC’s have a better social calendar than me and have plenty of friends.
At DD1’s recent birthday party, we had 15 guests all of whom are friends she’s made via sports, group music lessons, kids who she plays with in our neighbourhood practically every day.

That's really sad

Doesn’t seem to be as much of a thing at my kids school. Also they don’t go to a zoned state school (like how we have catchment areas in the UK), they go to a type of school that’s like a halfway house between public and private and admissions are done via a lottery system - so kids from all over our giant city go there. So it’s not like kids that go to the school live within a few streets of eachother like they did at our tiny village primary in the UK. Play dates with school friends would be a logistical nightmare!
Mine do have play dates but with other kids we know from outside of school that they’ve met through sports clubs in our area of the city etc

Because they aren't the majority at the gates. Because they aren't involved at all. They are blanking grumpy sods too who dont know anyone at the gate or their kids friends and dont bother to know. I judge them harshly for that.
as for mums -it's not because they are women- it's women who are there and therefore get the brunt.

Yes but it's wrong, why do they need their people, they should just be supporting their kids' friendships, not prioritising their own over their children's.
Generations of kids grew up without mums manipulating and interfering with their friendships.

Do children see their friends outside school? How do carpool parents arrange "playdates"?

You'll find OP that toxic selfish people gravitate towards other toxic selfish people. They blank some of their kids friends parents while falling over and going out of the way for others. For many of them it's about them and not about the needs of their child. Some are horrible, controlling and emotionally abusive and just social climbing scum.

Ime there were three types of parent- the ones who coped with the school run by giving everyone the cold shoulder, the ones who gratefully latch on to parents they already know and the ones who take the first two personally.

It’s not an American High School movie; the mums in the cool clique don’t realise they’re in a clique - they’re just relieved they can latch on to someone they know won’t give them a brush off. They wait for each other because they are stressed by the same fear of rejection.

Once I realised that the vast majority of people are socially inept, group situations got easier. Seriously - watch the popular ones - more often than not they’re just blessed with a lack of awareness that carries them through the initial awkwardness, and eventually people relent and take them as they present themselves.

I won’t deny that some groups do bond better by ganging up on an outsider, and if that’s happening it’s best to keep a distance so they can pick on a different target,

But it’s highly unlikely that small dc are ignoring your dc because of their dm’s attitudes, it just doesn’t work like that. If you’re worried about the social skills you could ask the teacher how he’s getting on.

Don’t focus on the groups - look for the people who are on their own, looking a bit awkward, and make breezy neutral comments about the weather, or how fast the term is flying by. Keep it very light. Grans and childminders often get a bit left out, and can be a good bet.

Put it into perspective. If there was a mum you were friends with, you'd probably be talking to her too. You wouldn't be actively trying to befriend other people, and I doubt you'd be focused on other mums. I'm friendly and smile, but I also just talk to the mums I already know. I also don't have time to be making friends when I'm doing dropf off as I'm focused on my child. Usually at pick up I chat to the teachers is they're still busy playing. You're overthinking it all. If you do want to be friends with them, keep smiling and say hello. Be proactive. Or make friends with someone else who doesn't appear to be talking with anyone. It should be child-led anyway, ask your child who they want a playdate with and have playdates with those kids

It's so hard to read OP. You need to disengage. Get your child involved with other groups. My closest mum friend in the area is a mum who's child, my DC met at stage coach aged 4. It's 4 yrs later and they still have a great time together and they both quit stage coach after 6 months. The mum is chilled and friendly and we see them when we can (kids attend different primary schools).

We don't encourage best friend chat here. We are keen to emphasise being friendly and kind with everyone (as long as they are not being horrible back). Have your kid join scouts, drama,football (if he is interested), a language class, anything so he interacts with people outside this sphere. School mums at my DC's school are OK. We can have a laugh now but I doubt I will ever be good/close friends with any of them and that is OK. Stop trying to force play dates. I don't do many and my kid is fine. She is confident and teachers have said is a natural leader at school. Build his self belief through him not through validation from others!

I wouldn't take too much notice. Just keep being yourself! I didn't really fit in with the "It Crowd" parents, but I would always say hello to people. Some would say hello back and some wouldn't. I worked FT, and couldn't join in with a lot of the social meet ups they did. I volunteered for PTA things when I could. I hosted playdates when I could. I did go to a couple of coffee mornings if I was free (I felt like a fish out of water but it was ok). I was always a bit shocked at the some of the backstabbing that took place between some of the Mums, but I never got involved with that. Just roll with it. Some will be nice, some won't. Don't let that get to you. I think it says more about them than you!! For both my DC, I have a small handful of friends that I made from their times at primary school, and that's just fine.

Well said.

Don't worry about them. I would say 'Hi' or 'Morning' but keep walking. Have a look to see if there are any clubs nearby that you could join.

I don't understand this at all. Why the drama? Say hi and smile, that's normal. People will either say hi and smile back or they won't, it doesn't matter. It'll cause you more angst if you go in trying to think up strategies on how to avoid any interaction and you'll come across as really weird.