Page 5 | To not attend family gatherings as the only single person

Sundaycoffee · 2025-04-20T14:22:37+00:00

AIBU to avoid family gatherings as I find them too difficult as a single person. I am one of 3 daughters the oldest at 39. My two youngers sisters (37 and 28) both have young children and the entire time they spend their time chatting about parenting. Their other halves get on well and obviously a lot of the day is focused around the children. I feel like the black sheep of the family as I am single and childless (not by choice) and being the eldest makes it even more difficult to see my two younger sisters bonding over motherhood. I come away from these gatherings feeling like the black sheep of the family and need to take time throughout the day popping for a break to myself as I feel quite overwhelmed by it all. It's starting to make me feel like maybe it would be easier to miss them altogether but would IBU?

Factsandfeelings · 20/04/2025 16:46

I kind of get it. Many of my friends have had kids. I do not have kids and never wanted kids.

I now find group dinners/weekend gatherings deadly boring and tedious as they revolve around either talking about children or wrangling children.

I have made a big effort to make some new friends and have a nice new group of people who are child free, it’s lovely. I absolutely don’t want to spend my leisure time hanging out with of helping with other peoples children, so I’ve had to build a new community for this.

Original poster

Sundaycoffee · 20/04/2025 16:42

MelbrowMaia · 20/04/2025 16:36

On one hand, I don’t know this exact pain because I have DC so maybe I just can’t understand.. but in the other hand, I have sisters and we’ve all had various things that one hasn’t over the years. I mean, one sister didn’t get into uni, one still hasn’t bought a house, one got fired as others had their careers take off, one hasn’t got married and so on. I would urge you not to see it as your sisters have families and you don’t, and instead see it as your sisters being your family. Grab your sisters for a family photo and say “come on one of us three!”. Enjoy them as best you can and I bet they’ll be thrilled for you when / if DC happen for you in the future too.

Yeah, I guess I just feel like at my age the chances of it happening are now slim and unlike a career or uni its something that I am permanently reminded of whenever I see my family.
On mothers day my mum dedicated a Facebook post to her "two daughters who are now also mothers" and thanking them for bringing such happiness into her and my dads life. Obviously I got no mention at all 😅
It just makes me want to distance myself from it all and I feel like the black sheep of the family x

OP posts:

MelbrowMaia · 20/04/2025 16:36

On one hand, I don’t know this exact pain because I have DC so maybe I just can’t understand.. but in the other hand, I have sisters and we’ve all had various things that one hasn’t over the years. I mean, one sister didn’t get into uni, one still hasn’t bought a house, one got fired as others had their careers take off, one hasn’t got married and so on. I would urge you not to see it as your sisters have families and you don’t, and instead see it as your sisters being your family. Grab your sisters for a family photo and say “come on one of us three!”. Enjoy them as best you can and I bet they’ll be thrilled for you when / if DC happen for you in the future too.

LlynTegid · 20/04/2025 16:20

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EmpressaurusKitty · 20/04/2025 16:19

PowderRoom · 20/04/2025 16:17

Well, in our family, I’m the only one of five to have had a child (by choice), so ours are quite different. Certainly two of my sisters are much closer to one another, perhaps in part in choosing not to marry and to stay childfree, but I’m not going to get upset about it. Isn’t it possible they envy your single, childfree life? I’m happy with my choices, but when I stay with my closest single, childfree friend, I always look around her house and think ‘Here is a life set up to cater to the exact preferences of one person, and it looks pretty good.’

I think the difference here is that the OP is childless as opposed to childfree, so it’s not something she’s happy about.

PowderRoom · 20/04/2025 16:17

Well, in our family, I’m the only one of five to have had a child (by choice), so ours are quite different. Certainly two of my sisters are much closer to one another, perhaps in part in choosing not to marry and to stay childfree, but I’m not going to get upset about it. Isn’t it possible they envy your single, childfree life? I’m happy with my choices, but when I stay with my closest single, childfree friend, I always look around her house and think ‘Here is a life set up to cater to the exact preferences of one person, and it looks pretty good.’

Squirrelblanket · 20/04/2025 16:16

I'd just do what you are comfortable with. I don't like big family gatherings generally so I don't attend all of them. Or attend but for a short time. Like another poster suggested, can you arrange smaller gatherings just focusing on one part or the family like your parents or one sister.

Also, it sounds trite but comparison is the thief of joy. You probably have things going for you in your life that they don't, try focus on those. Hope it gets better!

Original poster

Sundaycoffee · 20/04/2025 16:12

CiaoMeow · 20/04/2025 15:57

This can be very upsetting. I was mostly single until my late 40s so I totally understand how you feel. I did sometimes miss family gatherings because of this. I dreaded people asking if I was seeing anyone or telling me I'd better hurry up and get a move on if I wanted kids etc. Yes, there's always someone! It would take me a few days to get over the upset of it.

I admit I DID actually miss some family gatherings because of it. It depended on how I felt about myself my situation at the time. The problem is, you don't want to grow apart from your family because you hardly see them.

Could you still see your family but see each sister separately, on your own, so it's not an overwhelming feeling of being outnumbered? Or do you have good friend who come come with you sometimes?

Its nice to know that I'm not being totally unreasonable feeling like this. Yes I feel absolutely fine seeing my sisters and my niece / nephew separately. It's just the whole family gatherings I find difficult,but wondering if I just need to just "get over it"
I arrived about 20 mins after everyone else today and easter egg/ gifts had already been exchanged between families, leaving me to just hand mine out separately. "Sorry it was just so busy with the kids it was easier to do it straight away" DM also preceeds to take individual family photos of each of my two sisters and their family "SundayCoffee I know you don't like having your photo taken so I won't take yours" but this just because feels awkward having a photo on my own or with my mum and dad! While my two sisters get their group family photos.
I'm just worried if I start missing out on these things it will make things worse.

OP posts:

CiaoMeow · 20/04/2025 15:57

This can be very upsetting. I was mostly single until my late 40s so I totally understand how you feel. I did sometimes miss family gatherings because of this. I dreaded people asking if I was seeing anyone or telling me I'd better hurry up and get a move on if I wanted kids etc. Yes, there's always someone! It would take me a few days to get over the upset of it.

I admit I DID actually miss some family gatherings because of it. It depended on how I felt about myself my situation at the time. The problem is, you don't want to grow apart from your family because you hardly see them.

Could you still see your family but see each sister separately, on your own, so it's not an overwhelming feeling of being outnumbered? Or do you have good friend who come come with you sometimes?