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Original poster

I think my mum is hoarding, what do I do?

228 replies

mummytoonetryingfortwo · 20/04/2025 12:35

I’ve been staying with my mum over the Easter weekend and I’ve been helping her to pack up her house as she’s moving.

It’s become apparent that she has boxes upon boxes of things from when I was a child. She won’t get rid of them, despite them being of no use. Some of the things I’ve found include hot wheels cars that are broken, a Thomas the tank engine train track that’s missing half the pieces, every stuffed toy I ever had, toys that don’t even work anymore. I’ve asked her a couple of times why she won’t get rid of them and she insists that the grandkids could use them one day - they won’t.

She also keeps every pillow she’s ever bought in case the stuffing could be useful in the future, she has balls and balls of wool that she’s half used, basically everything she’s bought.

Her reasoning is that she’s spent money on the items and therefore she needs to keep them - but she’s very comfortable and they’re sitting in the loft gathering dust. She won’t even replace towels, she still has the same towel sets from when I was a child (I’m 26 now), they’re worn through and you can see the sun through them when they’re pegged out to dry but she won’t get rid of them. What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 20/04/2025 12:51

My mother is the same. She hoards books. To be fair she does read them but I do worry she'll die when the towers of books collapse.

My mil is the same only she hoards useless shit like old nappies (her kids are all in their 50s), prams from the 70s and broken shit.

There's really not much you can do. You could suggest counselling but it might not go down well. If it gets dangerous then you can call social services.

Original poster
mummytoonetryingfortwo · 20/04/2025 12:49

Ribenaberry12 · 20/04/2025 12:47

I have no words of wisdom, OP but I’m following your list in hope of advice too. My parents are the same. DB and I have spoken to them about doing what is in essence a Swedish Death Clean but we haven’t used that term with them in but they are not budging. One of the most frustrating things is the stuff they have hung on to which is clearly worn out, broken or poor quality but they won’t get rid of in case they need it one day but it’s just junk. Their house is looking shabby and groaning under it all. I don’t want them living like that but am struggling to know what to do too. Solidarity, I feel your pain.

You have my sympathy! What I don’t understand is she is well off. Multiple foreign holidays a year, she will treat herself to new things all the time, but she still keeps the old things. Her clothes are all worn out, but she won’t get rid of them. She has multiple sets of bedding because she wants new but won’t get rid of the old things. She’s kept all of the bedding I had in sixth form and university because “she paid for it”, but won’t listen to me when I say none of us will use it. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Ribenaberry12 · 20/04/2025 12:47

I have no words of wisdom, OP but I’m following your list in hope of advice too. My parents are the same. DB and I have spoken to them about doing what is in essence a Swedish Death Clean but we haven’t used that term with them in but they are not budging. One of the most frustrating things is the stuff they have hung on to which is clearly worn out, broken or poor quality but they won’t get rid of in case they need it one day but it’s just junk. Their house is looking shabby and groaning under it all. I don’t want them living like that but am struggling to know what to do too. Solidarity, I feel your pain.