Awkward shopping trip with MIL

She has decided it time for more grandchildren hasn't she?

I think the next time he tries to initiate sex I’d have to keep mentioning how happy his mum will be when he tells her, enough to sicken him.

He is an unbelievably selfish cunt, I am truly shocked. Where is his kindness to the woman who bore his child?

Sending his mother to try to force you to cover up and yet dress up your new and traumatised postnatal body, just so he can get his rocks off, is fucking disgusting.

That would creep me out.

I don't think i'd ever be able to have sex with him again.

Grim.

Well that would be my vagina clamped shut long term.
Is he subtly pressurising you?
If so that is coercion and against the law.
Having sex when you don't want to because he is putting pressure on you is rape and also a crime.
Please don't do this.
Reach out to Women's aid for supportand advice.

of course all his mates lie and say they were intimate the day after birth. You do need to speak to GP if sex is painful or uncomfortable as if you do want more kids then getting any medical things sorted now is important.

You need to speak to partner and say that he needs to up his game as intimacy is not just about actual sex. If you are exhausted due to caring for little one and running a household then you aren't going to be up for extra chores when you want to sleep.

Counselling might be beneficial as now it's in your head, when you do try then it could be mental issue rather than physical

How much does he do in terms of housework and child care? Are you doing it all? Nothing like it to decrease desire. Add into it his coercive ways and involving his mum. Yuk 🤮

His discussing anything about your intimate relationship with anyone would give me the ick.
You have a DP and a DMiL problem, the DMiL one being around her lack of filter when she is dropping not very subtle hints about your sex life.
This would have made my flaps close up again!

It begs the question what else he shares e.g..his thoughts on your 'performance' in bed.

I'd be tempted to go out again with mil and just say "to be honest, jean, I'm more frustrated than he is but he just is so crap in bed I can't be bothered"

There's nothing wrong with wanting it, wanting it doesn't have to equal trying to get your partner to do it before they're ready though.

How could the situation be “more dire than the OP realises?!”

That Little-Lord-Needs-Mummy’s-Help-to-Wank” is thinking of cheating? Leaving?

Good bloody riddance to the pair of them if so!

So not only is he discussing your sex life with his mum, he's also comparing notes with his mates! Not good, OP. It's time he went back to playing with conkers in the playground and wanking in the boys' toilet.

Edited for typos

So he discusses your sex life with his mates as well?

Eww so weird on so many levels. If you did actually get the lingerie wouldn't that just make DH think of his mother whilst getting it on?? So weird.

The word 'confinement' makes me think that we are living within the pages of a Jane Austen novel.

I'd have been utterly FUMING if this had been me. It also took me a long time after a traumatic birth before feeling ready to resume sex - that's ok.

How is your relationship generally @Harriett9 ? Are there any other issues?

I'm just wondering if this is a straw that broke the camel's back moment, because I certainly wouldn't blame you for leaving him over this. It's a horrible breach of your privacy. This would give me the ICK.

Your husband is a very selfish man. What support has he given you for your birth trauma?

How on earth do they both mean well? Her DH shouldn't be complaining about his sex life or lack of to his mum and his mum certainly shouldn't be telling her DIL that her son deserves sex because 'he works so hard'.

It's entirely inappropriate and will have the opposite effect as it will put OP off sex with her DH even more.

Rude old woman it's none of her business, but your husband shouldn't be discussing your marriage let alone intimacy with her.
I feel for you I had a rude interfering mil from hell, I just want to give you a big hug x

Yak, the thought of them discussing and planning this makes my stomach turn. I’d have to know exactly what was said between them. And the idea that he works hard and so therefore deserves a shag. What did you say back?

Not nearly as bad but one sil took her mum and soon-to-be mil underwear shopping for her honeymoon. The other sil and I politely declined the invitation and went shopping in another town.

Urgh, why is she so interested in her adult children's sex lives? She is so inappropriate. What a repulsive family you have married into.

Urgh. Cover the windows and check for cameras in your bedroom. Wouldn't be surprised if her nose was pressed against the door when you conceived. Nosey bat.
And as for your husband...bitty comes to mind. What an odd pair 😳

It sounds to me like MIL means well but has the wrong idea of what the boundaries are on that. As does your husband.

I'd have a talk with DH and tell him you aren't okay with him bringing his mommy into your bedroom. Tell him oversharing makes you lose trust in him. If he doesn't get it, I suggest marriage counseling because I don't see how you can have a close, intimate relationship with your husband when he includes outsiders in your most intimate business without your permission.

If it comes up with MIL again, I'd also have a carefully worded phrase ready for her, something like "I usually appreciate you wanting to help but not so much with this particular issue." You can say it with a little laugh to soften the blow, the first time. If she keeps it up, a stronger response may be warranted. But first, consider that she may actually have a very valid reason for wanting to involving herself. It's possible the situation is more dire than you may realize.

Talking about not wanting to have sex is a very touchy subject because of course we wouldn't want to tell any woman, let alone a new mother, to just do it anyway if they strongly don't want to.

But I hope that at the same time, you will realize that if your husband is going to these lengths, he's likely telling you that he's at the end of HIS rope with it the lack of sex in his marriage and that could have real life consequences, such as leading to an affair.

If you really aren't able to do this, that's another reason for marriage counseling. Best wishes.