Awkward shopping trip with MIL

Do you really think that telling other posters that they are probably autistic obviously meaning this as an insult is reasonable behaviour?

@Bobafett2020 I wouldn't engage any longer with the that person continued interaction would be as useful as arguing with a parrot trained in gaslighting.

Are you sure about that?

I am astounded that you DH feels it is ok to discuss this private matter between the two of you with his family ad friends! His frustration is NO excuse whatsoever. Meanwhile your MIL appears to have been told when her daughter resumed sex after her birth!(3 weeks is suspiciously short in my view btw, even with "easy" birth!) What on earth makes this family so interested in each others sex lives

Your problem is with him. Tell him that YOU are not comfortable with it being discussed and whether he agrees or not he should respect your views if he cares for you. And explain that you still don't feel ready and if he cares for you please could he "make do" with alternatives you can provide for the moment!

This was my exact thought too. I just couldn't go there anymore, not after that 😫

I am able to have a life, and also spend 30 seconds sending the odd message as it happens. I guess if I misunderstood what you said you it would be simple enough to explain what I missed so unless you do that I can only assume I am right

I see you are ignoring advice to get a life

It’s not what I said & if you choose to believe that, that says more about you than me

Well he's an idiot then isn't he if he thought that that would help?

That's wonderful that you wouldn't be bothered and wouldn't see a problem, but the OP is bothered.

And no she should not take it positively, she's already had a valid reaction to it. Her husband and MIL are the ones who need to change their mindset on this and cop the fuck on. Not the OP.

It's exactly what you said, it's right there in the thread, and you know it.

Well said.

@Harriett9, you’ve had lots of feedback. What are you thinking about it all now?

Who the hell would want to get back to having sex with a man who told his mother that his wife doesn't want to have sex after having a baby? And employed her to take his wife shopping for sexy underwear so he could have sex with her. It's a huge no from me.

Yuk yuk yuk. That's disgusting. Your husband has given ME the ick. And your MIL went along with it? What is wrong these mothers that they think it's appropriate to agree to become part of the intimacy between their son and his wife. Yuk 🤢🤮🤮

But I didn’t say that at all - that was your assumption & misreading

Do you think it’s maybe time you got a life now, rather than this tedious nitpicking?

Absolutely agree! I totally understand op. Similar story: Ages ago, I met a guy and dating about 6 months. We went shopping together to Debenhams and walked through the lingerie section. He picked up a red see through flimsy tiny lacy bra and matching thin g string and suggested I buy them to wear later that night. I said no because I don't like g strings and the bra wasn't suitable for my bust. He got very annoyed threw it down and stropped off and said fair enough. I explained I wouldn't be comfortable wearing it. I went home and met him later at his parents house for his mother's birthday party. During the meal she asked me to pop upstairs and she brought out her lacy lingerie and said "Do you like my new lingerie?".. then said she wears "sexy" lingerie as my boyfriends dad loves it when she wears racy undies. I was only young and mortified. She then added oh you're staying over night at my sons tonight... I've washed the bedding for you ready for tonight and said she would take me shopping to m and s the next day to buy some sexy racy lingerie. I was horrified that my boyfriend had been discussing our relationship with his mother. I asked him why he told her and he said its because he loves his mother and she was his best friend. Nevertheless we split up shortly after. I know that uncomfortable feeling it's awful.

@CiscoTS You realize the women can choose to have sex or not.. If she is uncomfortable so be it, doesn't mean there is something wrong. It means her body and mind are STILL processing her traumatic birth on top of adjusting to motherhood with an incredibly selfish man. Whether it is 4 months, 9 months or a few years! It is still her choice, her body to decide to say no! Trauma is not something to get over!
The point is, he has no right to speak with his mother and his mother has no right to shame/guilt her about not having sex with him.
How about he sit with her and discuss or maybe even put a bit of effort in, as it seems he is not very emotionally intelligent or supportive.

Sex is not central to everyone's relationship. Society needs to understand that..

DH behaviour is dreadful. The whole family is overly enmeshed - knowing about sex lives of your adult children is flat out weird.

That...is DISGUSTING. I can't say anymore than that, that's the most uncomfortable thing I've heard in a long time.

The OP mentioned her stomach as one of the reasons she doesn't want to have penetrative sex yet.

Instead of having a conversation with her and helping her feel better about things, her DH then complained to HIS MOTHER that he isn't getting sex and asked her to try to make the OP have sex with him. A grown man went whining to his mummy about not getting his dick wet with his wife, and shared the OP's private insecurities and fears. His mother then told the OP that she must give her DH some 'alone time' now because he 'works hard' and therefore apparently deserves sex as a reward.

Just so we're clear. Your post misses out a quite a few details, the most important of which are that a) none of this was done for the OP's benefit and b) her husband shares intimate details of their sex life WITH HIS MOTHER.

This has to be one of the worst things I have ever read on MN! Your husband takes the crown for the biggest douche bag EVER! Why does his needs trump yours? Where is his supportive nature? His other half to your half of the load?
Has he completely forgotten what you went through?

AND his mother!! How bloody awful is she!! I can't imagine how you even begin to process this, especially in the early days of having your little baby.

I'm so sorry OP, this is just crap!

Oh dear! How inappropriate. He discusses his intimate life with his mother. They both agree to MIL helping you towards some sexy lingerie. She suggests alone time for you both.
Such a shame his mummy can't model the lingerie too. He wouldn't need you at all!
What an Insensitive man he sounds!

OP, message your MIL and say that you’ve had a re-think and would like her to help you pick some things out.

Then take her to an adult store, pick up a strapon and say, ‘well you did say DH is missing penetrative sex, do you think me fucking him up the arse will solve it?’

What, you'd want tips from your MIL on how to look an feel sexy for your husband?
My MIL is a good laugh and I wouldn't mind, but I'd be furious of DP discussed my sex drive with his mum and sister.

I think, after a traumatic birth, it is often the case that women do not feel very inclined to want sex. On top of the possible injuries that may have occurred, there is obviously tiredness and sometimes anxiety about a number of baby-related issues. Then there can be a feeling that a partner will find you physically unattractive. Of course, it is fairly natural for a partner to want to resume their sex life but I wouldn't think it that unusual for a new mum to need several months before they feel ready. And being pressured, particularly in this truly horrible way, will make it an even less attractive proposition.

This man should certainly not discuss such personal issues with his family. It completely undermines his relationship with his partner. It demonstrates a total lack of sensitivity and loyalty.

I think what is needed in this situation is to act like a grown up and stop pressuring this woman. In my opinion, in this situation, what will really help this woman to relax is experiencing consideration and gentleness and feeling unconditionally loved.