To ask my boyfriend to clean his apartment before I come round?

Listen to @gamerchick she is wise.

And the answer to "why does he leave mouldy shit in his fridge" is because he cba and he knows it'll bother you enough to sort it.

You aren't wrong but this is who he is. If you want to be with him you'll be his maid, and he won't like you being assertive.

Thats either ok or it isnt

Hey OP is there really anything to think about he’s a lazy slob who has blown up at you for calling him out on it. Why would anyone want to clean someone else’s place when they can’t be arsed themselves. I would just leave it and if he does get in touch just say it’s not going to work I’m not a skivvy you can use every Sunday. Omg some people are unbelievable.

Maybe his main cleaning day is a Sunday, assuming he works during the week? Just don’t go over on Sundays if you don’t like it?

The fact that he's kicked off about you not wanting to help him clean his own space is a bit of an eye-opener. If he'd apologised and still continued to do nothing, I'd be seeing red flags but his defiant reaction is unreasonable and should probably spell the end to your relationship, OP. I'm sorry because I'm sure you love loads of things about him but this won't go away and will probably lead to many years of discontent if you stay with him.

Delete him, he’s a filthy, disgusting lazy pig, and he’ll never change.

How on earth can you spend your weekends in such a vile environment?

Just dump him. Just think, you could be out of this relationship by this time next week and able to meet someone who is truly worth your time.

Throw this one back and look for a better one.

Unless you seriously are auditioning for the role of mommy wife.

@Heatabove does he see another woman through the week perhaps??? if he is such a big shot in the city why cant he employ a cleaner???

At first I thought YABU in the sense that it’s his home and it doesn’t have to be spotless for you to come around, but deliberately waiting til you’re there to help with the big clean up is crazy.

This would honestly really put me off. I can’t stand messy men.

He has NO BOG SEAT.

You've had a lucky escape and are well rid. You're not his maid.

So many red flags have sprung from this now, apart from the obvious in getting you to clean his flat.

+The way he spoke to you when you raised the issue

+Giving you the silent treatment

=total lack of respect and emotional maturity.

He's done you a favour not speaking to you for so long as it's given you time to process!

It's everything to do with you if you're being asked to clean up
A year? That's still honeymoon period

He's carrying out auditions for a role, and you've just told him you're not the nanny with a fanny he's looking for.
You may as well bail now because this is not going anywhere you want to be.

My sister is in a relationship with a guy like this. He has a professional job, very into his image but before they lived together she’d go round to his house and it was a tip. She’d end up helping him clean. Now they live together and although he thinks he contributes, he doesn’t really help clean and it’s a source of tension. It doesn’t tend to get better either.

I dumped an ex for behaving like this. He once wore swimming trunks as he’d run out of underpants and hadn’t bothered to wash his enormous pile of laundry. Do you want a man you can respect as an equal or do you want to look after a grotty scruffbag with no pride?

@Newmumhere40 another similar thread on where the OP has moved the slob in. And is negotiating a task list with him.
I think these men all have mums around my age.
My own dad wasn’t allowed to pull stunts like this and he was born during World War II.
It gets to the stage where you just want to weep. I like to think young women who could be my daughters, have moved way beyond this.
No bog seat and a messiah complex. I have my head in my hands….

Summed up nicely.

Dump him. He’s a lazy pig. You will eventually become a mother to him. You are worth so much more than this.

A man with NO BOG SEAT is giving you the silent treatment because you don’t want to spend your Sunday cleaning his shit hole of a flat.
He is lazy.
Next thing it will be called women’s work.
FFS OP you are a bright young woman, well educated with your own lovely home.
Raise your bar, standards, self esteem and find a man WITH A BOG SEAT, and standards.
Because he has none. And you are allowing yourself to be walked over like a doormat he will never own.
And I’m going to quote a man similar this who wanted me to clean up after him. His words?
’Why have a dog and bark yourself, Peggy?’

Of course you’re not wrong. You already do your own cleaning, and don’t ask him to help with that. It obviously struck a nerve, which is why he immediately went into attack mode.

If he doesn’t want to clean up after himself he needn’t, but then he’ll have to accept the consequences: you won’t do it for/with him, and you might decide you don’t want to spend time in such an unpleasant place ( or with such a slob).

Please don't help him tidy up, you don't live there, why are you cleaning up his rubbish? He's a grown, adult man who lives alone, he can manage.

Outside perspective is: you deserve more than this. Don’t waste your life with someone who not only lives in a mess like this and doesn’t respect you enough to clean it for when you’re visiting but also goes in a strop when you ask them to sort it out. X

He's not talking to you because he's raging you've woken up to his little scheme. The state of him!