In a nutshell, I'm with an avoidant partner. I'm an anxious person and I do recognise that my traits aren't great, but honestly the avoidance is probably the main cause of my anxious behaviour.
Any time I try to bring anything up it's 'not the right time' to talk. There has never been a right time. It's been ongoing for 2 years now.
We are meant to be going away on Tuesday for a week. We have been niggling at each other a bit recently so I wanted to just clear the air before we go. To say new leaf, let's enjoy ourselves etc etc.
Even when I walk on egg shells in order to approach the conversation with tact and caution, he sees it as an attack. I said nothing about HIM or pointing any fingers, I was clear that we both probably need to do better with each other.
It turns in to him shouting at me, storming out the room to sleep on the sofa.
I said please can you come back to bed, let's just have a cuddle and be okay.
He tells me to leave him alone, he needs space. Out the duvet over his face and just shuts off, doesn't respond to me.
I know I should have left it but because of my anxiousness this is really upsetting to me so I asked how long he'd need space for as I wouldn't be able to sleep now.
He tells me to just fucking listen, go away and leave him alone.
I know avoidants process things differently and need time and space. But I cannot fathom seeing your partner crying asking you to come to bed, and you tell them to basically fuck off.
He's still not up yet, and obviously I've barely slept. We were meant to spend today getting everything sorted for the holiday.
I'm tempted to not go. I don't feel safe emotionally and I know I'm going to be hyper sensitive over the next week or so, as I often am after an argument.
Just for transparency, we don't live together or have children together (although there are children involved from previous relationship - they were not in the house at the time so not subject to the shouting).