People who only talk about themselves

Oooh this makes sense. I find it odd grilling/questioning friends and mine tend to tell me stuff but we take turns and don’t interrupt. Many of my friends are neurodivergent - I’m not aware that I am but my brother and others in the family probably are so I wonder if that’s just what I’m comfortable with. I like upfront and honest. Woolly vagueness drives me nuts.

I don't think it's new & it's quite common for people to try and relate their experiences to yours but I have a theory. Years ago you might speak to friends on the phone, see them 2/3 times a week at the pub etc. Today people are more time poor & often have less communication so it all comes out. Thats my theory anyway.

Better than gossiping about others 🤷🏻‍♀️

In all seriousness I dropped a friend because she came to my house, bragged about her new job (I was happy for her but it went beyond when she commented she wouldn’t get out of bed for my meagre salary - I actually earned significantly more than she thought because I’d not mentioned my promotion/or did and she forgot, I’m not sure). She left and I commented to dh that not once did she ask how I was. It was a moment of closure. She probably posts on here about her friend who ghosted her for no reason.

I find this too, though have been a people pleaser all my life (parentified child) so I’m well used to having a parent go on about themselves and me being the one to listen and support! Then I’ve unwittingly carried that on in childhood and been resentful about it. I’ve still not quite worked out how to feel totally comfortable offering things about myself.

I read an article recently that said there are two types of people - one talk about themselves because that’s all anyone can talk about with any authority, and they expect people to talk about themselves too. So they might not ask questions and think it’s strange that you never offer anything about yourself to the conversation.

The other type of person thinks it’s strange/selfish/rude to talk about yourself without being asked, and they tend to ask questions to invite the other person to talk about themselves.

If you get these two types in a room together, they might be incompatible just because of having different conversation styles/expectations.

Personally I think the best relationships are where everyone has a balance of give and take. You need to ask each other questions and show interest to convey care, and you both need to offer up something about yourself to give the other person a way into getting to know you.

I find men are worse

Yep but I don't think it's a recent occurrence. 20 years ago I phased out a friend who would only talk about themselves every time we spoke, it was so draining, eventually I just kept ignoring phone calls as I couldn't bear it!
Sadly my mother is exactly the same and I have to screen her phone calls otherwise it's an hour long phone call with me saying approximately 10 words.

I understand people have stuff to talk about but I just don't think that's how conversations should go, it's about listening appreciating what someone says reflecting and then conversations can change to something about the other person. Obviously I get when someone needs to talk about something they need support and a listening ear and don't need someone immediately saying oh yes that happened to me but it's all about both parties engaging and listening!

I know someone just like this. Everything has to about her life, her DP and her DC. She has even interrupted conversations I have had with other friends about their families to bring the conversation back to her. I am embarrassed for her!

This isn’t new! It’s always been a thing.

Yeah I’ve noticed it too. My mum died recently and literally everyone I’ve told starts telling me about when their relative died, all the gory details, medical info, funeral info, etc it’s not what I want to hear.

Yup, some people can only talk at people and not to.

I've have a 'friend' who does this, if I talk she talks over me. I rarely reach out these days.

Tell us what is going on with you :)

I think it's a growing trend, very much influenced by social media.

You see it on MN all the time too.