People who only talk about themselves

My sisters friend was like this

Last straw was when her daughter blacked out (due to rare brain/heart health condition she has) and hit her head while they were all out. She was shaking after etc

sister was running around bringing her water/meds/helping her up and as this was happening she goes to the daughter as she was still barely conscious on floor must be nice having someone care for you. I HAVE NO ONE!!!

wtf! And How do you witness something like this and make this about yourself!!

she also went this happened to her because god wanted me to see it. He wanted to show me this (umm What) She then burst into tears and began crying out loud (wtf) and had everyone turn their attention to her and comfort her ( there were no tears btw)

she also called my sister a few hours later when they got home crying out loud

The hard thing is when family do it and you can’t ditch them! My mum used to do this, I realised she barely knew anything about my life and it was sad … but I knew all about the health issues of the cousin of next door but 1 🫤

That's the thing. You put up with it while you have to, then move on. It's amazing how some just have no interest at all in others.

I had to stop seeing a friend because she would spend hours talking about herself and her work and people I don’t even know. She wouldn’t ask anything about me, it was just a reason for her to talk exclusively about herself life.
I put up with it for so many years and then just decided I couldn’t anymore.

I’ve just had five hours of this from my father. Five of us round the table and he went on endlessly about himself (again) if anyone chimed in with a related comment or anecdote or attempt to change the subject he’d just say “well anyway” and flip straight back to himself. I used to find his total disinterest in me and anything I’m doing upsetting but now I’m resigned to it. I have some huge things coming up in the next month, significant public recognition stuff, “well
anyway…”.

One friend is a lovely, interesting person but her delivery style tends to be in anecdotes. These are often really entertaining but leave little opportunity for meaningful interaction. I think maybe some people are permanently on 'transmit' mode while those on 'receive' mode can, quite naturally, get a bit ticked off with the communication imbalance. I've now started to muscle in with my own nuggets of news but there's sometimes the feeling that you're interrupting someone's conversational flow.

In general though, my closest friends have a pretty good balance of sharing news along with asking questions to find out about what's been going on in my life too and we tend to ask follow up questions that indicate active listening and engagement.

Sometimes life circumstances mean someone needs to dominate the conversation when they're going through stuff and that's understandable but it shouldn't be every time you meet up otherwise you're basically an unpaid therapist or an audience for their 'this is my life' show.

I has a friend who was exactly like this

Dp once said her favourite topic was 'me,myself and i'

She goes on and on about her ex (they broke up 10 years ago),his girlfriend (the ow),her new bloke (he's pissing her about),her son and her dog

She has no idea about my life at all-shes not interested in hearing about me-name a topic of conversation and she'll turn it back to herself

The last straw was when I had my first dgc and she couldn't say 'congratulations',just banged on about how she'll never be a granny

I've faded her out-i cannot put up with endless messages,voice notes or phone calls so she can wang on about herself

I srwad to think about how many precious days off or annual leave I've wasted listening to her banging on about people I've never met,how her life/job is going or her whinging about how her fella is incapable of putting her first

Sod her

People who only talk about themselves and people who never talk about themselves bother me in equal measure. I've a pal who asks follow on after follow on question and makes me do all the talking and it makes me feel bad because she tells me nothing and I feel a bit exposed and vulnerable after hanging out with her.

The thing that annoys me the most is when people take your story and turn it into their narrative even if they are talking about someone else. Like a friend who would cut across me when I tried to talk about my kids autism assessment by telling me about her colleagues kids assessment. Or someone who would ask how my cancer suffering mother was then talk through all the other people they heard of with cancer, my friend Jean's husbands brother has the same thing and went for a scan etc etc. The one that stands out for me was when I had newborn twins and a stranger was admiring them, interrupting a very rare quiet moment between feeds and told me all about her neighbours grand daughter's C section with twins. Surely if we have to sit her and talk about this I should be the one talking!

I agree OP. There were always people like this but it’s gotten worse. Way worse. People have become trained in broadcasting information about themselves on social media and have forgotten the art of conversation.

You can tell even when some people are hearing during a conversation, that they aren’t actually listening. They are just waiting for an opportunity to bring the conversation back to their broadcast.

What I can’t understand is how people can talk for hours about other people, but ask nothing about you. So how do these others carve their way into the conversation?

Dsis never asks about me or dcs, and if I mention anything, there is just silence, or worse she picks up her phone. Yet she can tell me in the greatest detail about the life and times of bil’s family and her friends. I don’t get it!

Love this

Met a few like this and they weren’t friends for long. Not wasting my life on that, I could be anyone.
They just want all the attention. Or some have social anxiety and talk too much. Either way I don’t hang around for it.

My Dad does this to an extent. He's always been like this and I roll my eyes a bit. He just has a narrow view of the world so can't relate to some things and brings it back to his experiences. Will ask me how I am or how things are but doesn't really care for details or want to listen too much.

A few friends were like this. I met up with some at Christmas and noticed it was me asking questions and seeing how things were. So I just stayed quiet and in an hour only one person asked me something so I made a mental note just to stay in touch with her and sod the rest really.

I call people who only talk about themselves and never ask you anything 'energy vampires'.

Plenty of people like this - lack of social skills / awareness combined with a self obsessed personality and really a genuine lack of interest in other people unless it affects them . Have one friend like this and she always says - you are such a good listener …. There is no option!!

Yes. My friend at the school gate for many years would only talk about herself. And never so much as ask how are you. It could be quite boastful at times. I have family members the same. Only interested in themselves. They are also the types to never arrange anything. They expect you to do it all. It's almost rare these days to find people you can have a two way conversation with.

I’m past 60 and apart from one or two more narcissistic types - none of my friends or acquaintances do this
If in a group situation and someone is taking over the conversation or not joining in much, I or others make sure to include them

If I'm stuck with someone for the first time and they've been banging on about themselves beyond social norms I have been known to say something along the lines of "if you'd like to know anything about me at any point, do let me know". Some people just bring out my sarcastic, intolerant side.

Yes I think it’s become worse since the pandemic. I just quietly drop people but it’s hard when it’s your family.

I agree. It’s so common. So many people just talk at me, explaining in great detail about things going on in their life, fully expecting me to listen. And I do and ask relevant questions. But as soon as I start talking about something going on in own life they glaze over and jump in very quickly to turn the conversation back to them. I just wonder if people have really poor self awareness or feel entitled to dominate the conversation and expect people to be interested in their lives when they have no interest in others. Thankfully I have a few good friends who don’t do this and the conversation is much more balanced!

Yep! I have phased people like this out as life is just too short. I am now very quick to avoid developing a friendship with people that show this tendency. It's very tiresome.

Oh dear lol, yes me too 😑. I’ve had to ghost a fiend because she’s become so comfortable trauma dumping in me - she will come over all odd times and I was so naive that I’d think it was to see me but she’d immediately launch into a monologue of her life’s ups and down and if I dared intervene she’d start checking her phone and just clearly not listening to me. After years and years of this, as I’m no good with confrontation I just ghosted her. It happened quite naturally as she wanted to come around and I asked she come a few days later as I had a cold and that apparently offended her because she went quiet on me for several months and then tried to pick up like normal and I just didn’t have it in me anymore. I recently split with my ex, lost my dad, am struggling to stay on track with my FT job whilst dealing with life as a single person with no other family/friends and so I had no choice but to just lay low. It’s sad to think I’ll never see her again but I know I need it for my mental well being.

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry.

I don’t think I was like this pre-children but to be honest adult conversation is such a novelty to me these days I probably do go on a bit if I’m given the chance.
I’m also on strict time limits and phone calls are mostly me just going “so how’s work? Hang on a second… GET DOWN FROM THERE! PUT THAT DOWN! YOU’LL GET HURT… sorry, lovely, what were you saying?… I SAID “GET DOWN”
In my defence I wish I did get to hear the answers to the questions about my friends’ lives more but it’s the reality of the stage of life I’m at. Luckily most of them are at the same stage too and hopefully we’ll make it out the other side alive with our friendship in tact.

I am currently avoiding talking to a friend I have had since uni. She talks about herself, but also explains my life to me and rewrites history in her head.
Another one is a work colleague, who talks at me every day but knows nothing about me.
I feel like I am getting to old for this crap, but I am too much of a people pleaser to tell them to f off.