DH was being an arse, then fell down stairs and I have no sympathy

Idiots can still have neuro problems or broken bones... I'd save your disdain to after he's had a medical work up....

An arse I knew of turned out to have a very rare, horrid neuro disorder.

So there’s a point at which you think a 13 year old child is being ‘spiteful/bitchy’ enough to warrant her father to saying this to her? Wow.

oh I recall your thread about your husband @DearBee . You have MUCH bigger issues to worry about than name calling

He has. They have also called him one. Maybe we're just weird but I guess what I am saying is - words take on a particular meaning in a particular context, and the intention behind them matters, as does the way they are received. In our house, the intention and meaning is taken communally as being jokey. We don't go round screaming 'BITCH' in an aggressive way. So I think tone, context etc mean a lot.

In this scenario, it HAS upset the OP's daughter, therefore I have said he should apologise. I am just saying, it might not have been cruelly meant - OP says the tone was jokey.

It is very odd behaviour. He can't/won't apologise so stages a fall to divert attention/ get some sympathy. It's a very childish thing to do. Does he have form for this?

Because you say in your family this would not be a big deal

I’m asking because I’m curious as to whether your husband / DP (if a man) calls your daughter “a bitch” and how you feel about it?

Not the point, I know, but for people asking

And when did people with ADHD fall down more?

ADHD is known to be linked with hypermobility and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hypermobility isn’t EDS but can be one part of it).

He accidentally said “bitch” and recognised his mistake and felt guilty afterwards. Big deal. You actually think someone would throw themselves down a flight of stairs for that?

Why do you ask?

Do you and your partner have children together?

after 25 years I think I might have spotted issues before today

or….

you have an appalling benchmark

See, this just wouldn't be a big deal at all in our house. We are frequently known to call each other bitches - usually pronounced as 'biatch'. There's a big difference between saying something jokingly and calling someone a bitch in real anger. I do think you are overreacting.

Still - your daughter was upset and offended and your DH should apologise. He's an arse for not doing so.

Are you genuinely saying you think he faked falling down the stairs including smashing loads of glasses? I find that quite far fetched, but if you genuinely believe it, you have massive problems in your marriage with your husband being a strange, controlling attention seeker.

I think you sound cold, honestly. Punishing your husband by literally leaving him lying injured at the bottom of the stairs.

I don’t feel sympathy for him. Sounds mighty convenient that it happened after he fucked up. Sounds like he’s trying to garner sympathy and deflect from his horrible behaviour. Men do this shit all the time.

These seem like two unrelated things (unless you think he faked the fall as a response to the altercation).

He should absolutely apologise, and he should be the one to make the running on this.

How much you should care about him falling down the stairs isn't really related to that, unless you're at the point of ending the relationship.

Does your husband have Munchausen syndrome?

Am I the only person who thinks this is unhinged and very upsetting? You don’t feel sympathy for your own husband, who was injured and apparently falls regularly, when he fell half way down a flight of stairs?

YANBU. Your DH is a tit, but you know that. Memories of my own ‘D’H stubbing his toe and rolling around in the floor in front of me like he’d been shot in the stomach when I’d had a C section a few days previously. More ham than a pig farm quite frankly.

I can’t fathom why you’re focussing on the fall. It isn’t important. You should be starting a thread in relationships about what to do about a H who hasn’t yet apologised to his 13 year old Dd, after calling her a bitch.

This honestly seems like a massive drama over very little.

Firstly, they were messing around tickling and playing. Have you even asked him what triggered him calling her a bitch in the moment? Did she go for his manhood, attack him too hard maybe or do something he wasn't comfortable with. Not saying it was right to call her a bitch but have you considered that she may have over stepped the mark and he just responded in haste?
Also, I cannot believe you think he'd "fall down the stairs" just to get attention. He could have been seriously injured. We all know that many neurodiverse individuals have heightened pain sensors.
The daughter walked about. They need to sort it out between them, stop pushing it and going on about it.

No idea about whether that fall was genuine but I’d worry more about the impact on your DD. It’s not she’s realised as a parent he’s not perfect etc, he has called her a name and my worry is that it’s the kind of thing your DD may turn inwards. I’d forget about him and worry about her.

Has he apologised yet?

So if ILs are visiting today will he be sitting about garnering sympathy whilst you do everything?

Will there be an atmosphere?

Ah yes 13 year old girls are completely to blame for a Grown adult man calling them
a bitch

bar on the floor? It’s in fucking hades!