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Original poster

DH was being an arse, then fell down stairs and I have no sympathy

257 replies

Caplin · 19/04/2025 23:31

I will start by saying my DH is a good man, but he arsed up tonight with my DD (13) and I was fuming. They were messing about and at the end he ‘playfully’ said she was being a bitch. I was horrified, she was horrified and she immediately left the room and called time on them watching their favourite programme. I recognised it for what it was, one of those pivotal moments with your parents where you suddenly realise they are a human and sometimes not nice.

He called on her to come back so he could apologise, but refused to go after her to say sorry. Frankly I thought it was a shit thing to demand she comes to him for her apology, he should have gone to her as he massively overstepped.

I went up to her to basically say that. I don’t want her to learn the lesson that she she should chase after a man for the apology she deserves, and that starts with her own dad.

I was so angry I couldn’t even look at him after that. He knows he messed up, I didn’t need to say it.

Anyway, he hurt his ankle a couple of days ago. Tonight after the altercation, knowing I was fucked off, he was going downstairs with some glasses and dramatically ‘fell’ down half a dozen stairs. Glasses everywhere, him lying dramatically in the hall. We have been together almost 25 years and I thought it was all a bit performative. I obviously ran down, gave him ice, painkillers. Asked if he needs to go to minor injuries. He was dramatic but said no, he could cope whilst lying on the floor for ages groaning.

Anyway, during a conversation afterwards it became clear he knew I was annoyed at him, but that wasn’t the moment to go into why I thought he was being an arse. I could barely disguise the fact I thought he was hamming it up. I offered to cancel Easter Sunday lunch with his family tomorrow and he said yes (we are cooking). I won’t as I know he was being a ham.

So AiBU to treat his fall down the stairs with distain? It was all a bit convenient timing for me to feel sorry for him. He has form for dramatic falling, he needs to sort out his core muscles frankly. Teaching my DD how she should expect to be treated is a bigger lesson than his ego.

I say all this, he is not usually an arse, but tonight he messed up and I am more annoyed that he has tried to bring sympathy to himself. Maybe he actually fell down the stairs, but his dramatic response afterwards tells me he did it on purpose.

AIBU to think he is a drama king and have literally no time for his shit….or am I being an uncaring wife?

OP posts:
SullysBabyMama · 20/04/2025 10:08

I mean…. My only comment is that if you do end up cancelling his family today be sure to tell them it is because he has sworn at Dd and is refusing to apologise, therefore it’s not a very nice atmosphere.
I wouldn’t even mention the falling and let him get any sympathy until situation 1 is resolved.

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2025 10:08

diddl · 20/04/2025 08:59

So if ILs are visiting today will he be sitting about garnering sympathy whilst you do everything?

Will there be an atmosphere?

Oh course he will. Everyone will be running around after him so he can rest his poorly ankle. He will be the focus of attention. Plus OP gets to do all the cooking, washing up and cleaning whilst he sits there like a king.

What a guy!

Edit - I posted without seeing the update....but what the actual f..??
No glasses were broken, he managed to lay them on the stairs during his slow fall.

XiCi · 20/04/2025 10:06

Sounds like a really stressed and oversensitive household. Huge overreacions at every turn

Goofy03 · 20/04/2025 10:04

Of course he shld apologise but as you keep saying he’s a good guy generally, then you shld climb down from your high horse. If he’s a decent person he’ll be feeling awful. And in the real world people make mistakes and your daughter will learn that people cock
up and have to apologise and repair- no one - not even a parent can be perfect as you seem to expect.

DorothyStorm · 20/04/2025 09:59

springintoaction321 · 20/04/2025 09:33

@AlertCat thank you for that info. I have a DD with hypermobility but fortunately she doesn't fall a lot and has a good sense of balance. However she has seen a physio who gave her a lot of core-strengthening exercises to do, so maybe that has helped.

I never really fell as a child but I danced. Ballroom, latin, ballet, tap… I strongly believe that helped as i had a great, strong core.

faerietales · 20/04/2025 09:55

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:19

oh I recall your thread about your husband @DearBee . You have MUCH bigger issues to worry about than name calling

Edited

I think you owe @DearBee a massive apology here. What an unpleasant way to behave.

Original poster
Caplin · 20/04/2025 09:54

Morning, this thread took a turn!

DH is up and walking the dog, so no major injury. When he gets back I’ll have a chat and get him to apologise to DD when she gets up. I will also check on Easter lunch situation, I doubt he wants to cancel, he was just in a flap after falling downstairs. In hindsight I don’t think he fell deliberately, he does have a sore ankle, but he was a drama king. No glasses were broken, he managed to lay them on the stairs during his slow fall.

He has never called me or anyone a bitch before, that is why me and DD were so stunned when it came out his mouth. I think he shocked himself. DD hadn’t done anything to merit it, they were just bantering.

I do find it odd that some people feel that them messing about and tickling was inappropriate. They have always done it, I tickle my kids, I don’t want anyone to feel weird just because the kids have reached an arbitrary age! They were right next to me when they were mucking about.

Also, I’m not sulking for days, I was angry with him for a couple of hours last night, and not overly sympathetic to his footballer style rolling around. It will be fine today.

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 20/04/2025 09:52

"He has form for dramatic falling"

What?
That is one of the strangest things I've read in mumsnet.

Smallmercies · 20/04/2025 09:47

You both sound horrible!! Your poor daughter 😢

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/04/2025 09:46

Back in the day, it was against Mumsnet rules to go dredging up previous posts from different threads.

Has that changed?

XiCi · 20/04/2025 09:43

Mayanatalia · 20/04/2025 01:45

I really don’t think the bitch comment was that big a deal, maybe I’m just not middle class enough to be on mumsnet 😂

Same here. 13 year olds say far worse to each other in school. If I or DH had said that to dd at 13 jokingly she would have responded jokingly back. I'm not saying everyone should go round cursing their kids but as a one off, messing around in good spirits, i don't see a big deal at all. Certainly all this 'defining moment of childhood' from the OP seems absolutely ridiculous. The drama of it all makes me think the dad did not say it 'jokingly' at all

The falling down the stairs to get attention is sickeningly pathetic and I could not be with a man that acted like that. I'd have completely ignored him.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 20/04/2025 09:41

I'm struggling to understand what all the fuss is about unless there is a huge backstory here.

He said something a bit shit, jokingly. People make mistakes and say stupid things sometimes, with no intent to upset the other person. That's just life, people aren't perfect.

He tried to apologise but she walked off. He should have gone after her, I agree, but maybe he thought it would be better to let things cool down first. When you went in to talk to her you could have just reassured her he was being daft and didn't mean to upset her, but your response to her effectively implies he did.

I don't think she's learning she needs to go after a man for an apology, more that it is unacceptable and intolerable for someone she loves to make a mistake.

I hope you don't share your contempt for him over the stair incident with her, because that sort of thing can be very confusing for a child.

Hobbiestwriter · 20/04/2025 09:41

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:29

Ok I’ll leave thread and hide

but you came on this thread minimising a father calling his daughter a bitch and how normal in your family

But things are very distressingly far from normal in your family and you chose to omit that relevant fact

anyway, hidden

Show quote history

Fucking hell that's really vicious, stalking another poster and invalidating what she says because she is related to a man who committed a crime.

seek urgent help @tooksometime

badgermushroomm · 20/04/2025 09:40

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:29

Ok I’ll leave thread and hide

but you came on this thread minimising a father calling his daughter a bitch and how normal in your family

But things are very distressingly far from normal in your family and you chose to omit that relevant fact

anyway, hidden

Show quote history

Have just seen Dear Bee’s response. How unpleasant of you to bring up something totally unrelated as an underhand, personal dig at this poster (who has done nothing wrong).

DearBee · 20/04/2025 09:34

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:29

Ok I’ll leave thread and hide

but you came on this thread minimising a father calling his daughter a bitch and how normal in your family

But things are very distressingly far from normal in your family and you chose to omit that relevant fact

anyway, hidden

Show quote history

Sorry, what? Am I supposed to bring it up every time I post?

Ok everyone. My brother in law is a paedophile and my husband didn't know how to tell me and massively fucked up by not telling me, because somehow he thought he himself could keep our daughter safe from him. We saw them very occasionally. We now don't see any of DH's family. I have no excuses for DH not telling me and it is still a source of pain and tension in my marriage.

Obviously every comment I now make on any topic should be preceded by this information because my family is totally fucked up.

springintoaction321 · 20/04/2025 09:33

@AlertCat thank you for that info. I have a DD with hypermobility but fortunately she doesn't fall a lot and has a good sense of balance. However she has seen a physio who gave her a lot of core-strengthening exercises to do, so maybe that has helped.

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:29

DearBee · 20/04/2025 09:27

What's disturbing right here is that you're deciding to try and weaponise that against me when I posted that post in distress looking for advice. You have even brought it up in a frankly, bitchy way on another thread in order to derail. Why?

Show quote history

Ok I’ll leave thread and hide

but you came on this thread minimising a father calling his daughter a bitch and how normal in your family

But things are very distressingly far from normal in your family and you chose to omit that relevant fact

anyway, hidden

DearBee · 20/04/2025 09:27

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:24

Your thread was very long
very memorable
very disturbing

Show quote history

What's disturbing right here is that you're deciding to try and weaponise that against me when I posted that post in distress looking for advice. You have even brought it up in a frankly, bitchy way on another thread in order to derail. Why?

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/04/2025 09:26

Why does he fall a lot?

saveforthat · 20/04/2025 09:26

If you have been married 25 years, I assume he is mid 40s at least. I have never known a decent man that age to use the word bitch in jest or otherwise. Does he call you a bitch sometimes, is this sort of language common in your family?

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:25

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:19

oh I recall your thread about your husband @DearBee . You have MUCH bigger issues to worry about than name calling

Edited

You disagree?

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:24

DearBee · 20/04/2025 09:23

What you actually mean is - you decided to do a little trawling to find something to bring up here. You didn't recall it at all. You're just one of those posters with nothing better to do with their time. I don't want to derail the thread as it's not my thread so... maybe reflect on why my comment here has triggered you and why you felt the need to go searching through my history. It's a bit sad really.

Show quote history

Your thread was very long
very memorable
very disturbing

gannett · 20/04/2025 09:24

Namerchangee · 20/04/2025 09:07

I don’t feel sympathy for him. Sounds mighty convenient that it happened after he fucked up. Sounds like he’s trying to garner sympathy and deflect from his horrible behaviour. Men do this shit all the time.

Show quote history

It's unhinged to assume people are faking injury or illness (especially when you don't actually know them).

If you think someone in your life really does fake illness and injury my only advice is to stay far away from them and definitely don't marry them.

DearBee · 20/04/2025 09:23

tooksometime · 20/04/2025 09:19

oh I recall your thread about your husband @DearBee . You have MUCH bigger issues to worry about than name calling

Edited

What you actually mean is - you decided to do a little trawling to find something to bring up here. You didn't recall it at all. You're just one of those posters with nothing better to do with their time. I don't want to derail the thread as it's not my thread so... maybe reflect on why my comment here has triggered you and why you felt the need to go searching through my history. It's a bit sad really.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/04/2025 09:21

PS he should apologise to your daughter too