That so many AIBU are about no children at weddings?!

Not everyone likes children and that’s ok, not everyone wants to make allowances for noisy kids on a day that is about them and that’s also ok. Why do others get so bent out of shape for not adhering to what they believe is a standard?

Let people do as they please, if it’s not illegal or harming another let them be.

I’m pretty sure that those who invite those with children will be prepared for them to not go. Is it really such a big deal?

I think it depends on the age of the children. Under 5’s at a wedding is a tough gig, you’re expecting toddlers to behave at an adult event and the parents have to spend the day running around after them. We done it last year and although it was a lovely day, it was hard work and I was very envious of people kicking back with an aperol in the sun.

I think weddings are getting fancier. People are spending so much money and have so many extras that would never have been involved in the 'olden days'. They don't want children ruining the vibe, it's not really a family get together anymore for many people. It's a big big event in their eyes, and they want it to be impeccable.

I'd prefer a multigenerational shindig but it's not the default anymore.

Because the world has changed.

Culture, families, attitudes, social media, trends have all changed.

People get married later, have smaller families and later in life, often mived away from where they were born and so ob. Most people have established lives and have lived independently and often in a couple for years before getting married.

If you're in your early 20s, have young siblings, neices and nephews and loads of cousins, you all live near and see each other all the time then you're likely to have a big family wedding with lots of kids there.

If you're in your 30s, have lived away from home for a decade or more and don't see your extended family all that much, only a few or none of your friends have kids then you're much more likely to want a wedding more focused on you and your friends having a good time rather than wanting kids running around causing disruption.

I get that for a normal party but once you have kids I think dc should be part of the wedding. But I do appreciate we’re all different.

If I was spending lots of money for a wedding, I would definitely make it childfree. In my family there were many expensive weddings and then you have children crying at the church, irresponsible parents that don't care enough.

Also, bride and groom pay for the whole wedding. Usually most families would have at least 2 kids, so the cost multiplies. So many cons.

I have a baby and I would total understand why people don't want kids at the weddings. Most likely bride and groom will be paying much more for a family's food than what they are getting as a gift.

We will have children at our wedding as we have our own children. But if we got married before having children I would have been very tempted to make it child-free. It saves a lot of money. Our wedding quickly adds up to 20 children so a big increase in numbers which is costing an extra £800 in food and drink, plus whatever extras we’ll spend on children’s entertainment.
A child-free wedding means you can have a proper party and don’t have people heading off by 9-10pm to put their children to bed. I’ve been to some brilliant child-free weddings that have gone on til the early hours and had an amazing time, wouldn’t have been the same with children there.
But on the other hand, I did love going to weddings as a child and I’ll fully embrace our wedding being an event with lots of children.

So it’s completely up to the couple, but of course they shouldn’t then sulk if people then can’t come due to child-care issues.

But a few threads have been more about certain children (step-siblings etc) being excluded which generally isn’t okay.

We got married very young and had kids there - I thought it was great. I didn’t hear or see anyone crying (though imagine they would have done at some point!) but all the kids were dancing / having a good time. My young kids now love a good family party.

That being said, I’ve also been to weddings of friends that have been child-free and enjoyed them too - they’re just a different vibe. I think as long as there are other family ‘occasions’ that our kids can go to, it’s fine to have child-free weddings.

Given that some parents won't do basic parenting about child behaviour, I don't blame those who choose to have a child free wedding, as long as it is that and not being selective.

I think the point about weddings not now always being in a church is a good one too. The law introduced by Gyles Brandreth when he was an MP is one of the few good things any Tory MP ever did.

It’s not a new thing at all. In fact IME it’s less common now because it’s more common for the couple to have children before they get married and so those children are included, and then by extension other family children.

My wedding 25 years ago was child free and all the people who came were ecstatic to have a day away from the kids where they could eat a nice meal, let their hair down, all without having to constantly watch the kids.

We only had one response declining because her child wasn’t invited, and she was a friend of MIL and her response was so rude that as far as I was concerned it didn’t matter whether she didn’t come.

When you’re paying for head the costs start to add up, and so unless you’re doing a buffet where numbers aren’t limited it’s not realistic to have children there, unless you’re loaded.

And most children really don’t enjoy the majority of the wedding, so why put them through it.

Maybe they want to relax fully at the party and have some drinks. They cant do that with their children there.

So your dc are missing the party? Good to see your priorities there.

All family weddings here have included dc - dc are always an important part for us and would never be excluded. I’ve been to other weddings where they are excluded and there’s usually a very different family dynamic. That said, I v would never assume to take dc for a friend’s wedding - but you can usually get family the babysit. The issue with family weddings is all the usually babysitters are also at the wedding and most of us don’t like leaving our dc with random people for a day so that causes a massive issue.

Eye roll all you want but that is what I'm doing. My children are only coming to the ceremony.

I do get not having kids if money is limited and inviting kids means having to drop adults you'd like to invite given the cost of wedding catering. I'm a bit judgemental (I admit a bit unfairly) of no kids because someone's worried about the ceremony being interrupted or kids spoiling a 'perfect day' by being unpredictable - that's kind of on you and how you deal with it, not on small kids.

People need to look at context - if you're going to have a no kids wedding but you have close friends or family who will not be able to find childcare, especially if it's going to be a way from where most of them live, you have to be prepared for them not to be able to come. I'm always a bit astonished at how some couples plan with no thought for what their guests can afford or manage around commitments.

Yeah my reason isn't too deep either
I don't ever want to be a parent so I really enjoy adult only events and places. It's more peaceful

I HAD to trim children from my guest list. If I was to invite all of my friends children there would have been over 30 extra guests.

There was physically no room to put an extra three whole tables in the venue for this. Then there’s the added issue of the extra costs for feeding those 30 extra guests. It’s just not possible to do sometimes.

And if I’m being honest I wanted my friends to be present and enjoying the day. Not stressed and constantly distracted because little Timmy has ran away again or is crying for a fruit shoot!

We had our siblings children attend and this is all.

We refuse all "no children" wedding invitations on principle.

Our youngest DC is in her 30s.

I just didn't invite children because I don't like them. It's not that deep.

I’m in my late 40’s. It’s not a new thing - I remember going to one wedding but that’s because I was the bridesmaid! And for the other family members wedding we didn’t go.

Same with the invites now there has been a mix and it never bothered me. If we couldn’t get a babysitter one of us would stay at home and the other would go. One wedding my husband was the best man and dealing with a 3 year old that was tired, expected to sit for a ceremony and then the wedding meal and speeches while daddy was busy doing best man duties ….im more than happy to either stay home or get a sitter!

The only wedding I went to as a child I remember being bored out of my brains for HOURS, as well as fatigued from carrying a heavy bridesmaid basket all day.

The last wedding I went to there were three older children including the child of one of the couple and they were SO fed up. I overheard one of them saying 'three hours guys just three hrs!' And asked until what and she said 'Until we can go!!' Looked as if she were about to cry.

Not all weddings are something all children will enjoy.

Selfish 🤣 ok hun

Yes I can see that people want the wedding they want
and I will carry in thinking that such people are narrow minded and selfish and a bit strange

historically NO one could be excluded from the wedding itself when it was in a church - it was a public declaration

To be honest I want a child free wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️ just my choice. People can choose not to come if it doesn't suit them

The only time I do an eye roll about the children not being invited is where the bride and groom already have children themselves who will be attending!