"Ipad Kid" ??

Exactly this!

Child on another table playing fruit-based game on silent...I can be jugdey but don't give a rat's arse one way or the other realistically.

Child on another table with game on loudspeaker - yes I'd absolutely go and ask them to turn the sound off. Sets my own ND on jangly edge. Can't block it out. Can't concentrate on a conversation on my own table. Might as well have not attempted a nice (expensive) meal out.

A child's ND management process does not trump the ND of any other diner in the place - or the reasonable expectation of every NT diner in the place to have "quiet enjoyment" of their own meal.

Same goes for seniors watching iPlayer/holding a family phone call. And electronics manufacturers have a LOT to answer for removing the standard headphone jack too!

Why don't these children have headphones?

Seemingly not. It seems that parents these days are entitled to “have a break” while eating out with their children. All parenting responsibility ceases during the meal because they “need” a break. I used to feel that I needed a break too, but I’d wait until they were in bed not when I was in charge of them during the day. But that was back when if you’d gone into a restaurant and started playing loud music, you’d have been swiftly kicked out!

And although I understand it’s hard to manage, my ADHD DD can’t cope with the sounds of iPads/phones etc in the background even if a low level, her brain just finds the noise and focuses on it. The sound drives me potty, but she picks up on it all and finds it very hard to cope as it’s so overwhelming. We have tried loops but struggles with them all the time. She has gone out for a meal and shouldn’t have to be forced to struggle because of others making unnecessary tech noise. You have gone out for a meal, not to watch a screen.
Have you tried the headband headphones which are much softer? They might be worth a try. It is a choice when you give a screen and have the volume on which is disturbing to others who have paid to go out for a meal. Have you tried other alternatives? I know it’s not easy but please also think of other children who you might be making things difficult for.

If your child has poor impulse control and a raging temperature it's doubly important that they don't learn to manage their emotions with screens. At all. They need extra time, practice and patience to learn these emotional skills. Having an iPad when emotions get difficult is a really, really bad idea. They need to learn to sit with them, work with them, master them. Sucks for you, I know. You've only got a very short space of time when you have enough control to ensure they don't turn to screens to manage emotion.

Appreciate I sound really judgey and I'm sorry.

Teaching him life skills for failure on most levels there.

I agree, Op. What utter nonsense to say they don’t have the ability. Mine (both with SEN) did it. We chatted and played games, ate, coloured and just generally enjoyed each others company. Do parents not enjoy doing that now?

Giving your child a colouring book is definitely not the same as giving them an iPad.

YANBU there is no way in a public place my children would play their devices with the sound on. It’s so rude. Sound off or headphones on.

Mine wouldn’t be sat at the table constantly on them either but that’s another conversation.

Not just kids - adults too - watching things or having conversations on speaker mode in public. It’s so antisocial and annoying to listen to. When did it become socially acceptable?

I don’t care what other parents are doing to get by but headphones exist for a reason and loud iPads/devices are just plain irritating, from anyone not just kids. Some people just don’t have that awareness - I have a really lovely friend and the third time I ended up next to her young son watching something on full volume on his iPad at a restaurant I asked her why he had no headphones - she genuinely was confused as hadn’t even realised how noisy and intrusive it is.

“How dare you go and disturb someone else!” The irony!

my 4yo DC can be well behaved when we are out eating in new places and completely fine with crayons etc. but there are times when she gets bored after half an hour and wants to explore, walk around and end up knocking into other seats. no amount of crayons or table games will do. at those times i would rather her be seated and watch something on my phone while i finish my dinner, than her bumping into seats and disturbing others while theyre eating. i dont want to chase her around the place. i want to sit in my seat and eat the meal ive not had to cook and paid money for. i would be livid if someone interrupted us during a meal to tell us to turn the ipad off. give us a fcking break. you have no idea what kind of day the parents had. maybe they were speaking to their kids the entire day, doing various activities and completely burnt out by dinner time. i cannot believe you went over to their table. unless the volume was loud and interrupting your conversation with your DS, you had absolutely no right!

under 5 year olds with no sen definitely do have the capacity to sit at the table and converse with adults for an hour. You can just bring little games like uno or some colouring for them to do if they get bored. They don’t need an entire hour of dancing fruits that’s insane. And quite sad that they would just get ignored for an entire hour at a family meal.

Well I was sat in a cafe the other day and could hear someone’s phone really loudly. Turned around and there was an elderly person watching funny videos. I could hear it louder than my own phone I was watching with ear phones in. I was on my own having a brew waiting for my child to finish a class.

And all those people saying take a colouring book - it’s the same thing just a modern day equivalent. Handing your child a colouring book is the same as an iPad. Keeping them occupied whilst you have an adult conversation. It’s not better than an iPad because it’s low tech.

Some parents are exhausted. Some days my teens sit and talk at me when we go out to eat. Some days you can barely get a word out of them. Depends on everyone’s mood. Some days I don’t want to be sociable but still want to eat out of the house. Some days we take a pack of cards and play a game. Some days we all ignore each other and scroll our devices. Currently my 15 year old can be seen using GCSE revision apps on their phone whilst we are eating out. I try to get them to take a break but they don’t always want to. Or they’re squeezing some revision in before attending something. I know teens aren’t toddlers, but people criticise those as well.

My only issue is the loudness. But it can be hard getting headphone onto toddlers. Been the rams tried that. But mine learned to read subtitles at an early age - maybe not toddler age but not much older.

As for those saying their autistic child manages without screen time. Well that’s great. They’re one autistic child and no two autistic children are the same. I’ve got an autistic teen who was an undiagnosed autistic toddler. I also teach autistic children of all ages from nursery to 6th form. Some can manage without screens, some need their screens to regulate, some are overstimulated by screens or by two much screen time. It can be a tricky balance.

Sometimes the saying is true that you shouldn’t judge someone til you’ve walked in their shoes. Yes OP is right to feel those things and have their own opinion but I believe they’re wrong to interrupt the family and try to tell them how to parent their child.

Kids using iPads in restaurants = I don’t care

kids using iPads with sound in restaurants = really annoying and you’re utterly selfish

But it’s OK for your child to watch something loudly at a restaurant and disturb everyone else? Heaven forbid someone should comment on your 4 year old’s inability to sit at a table without being glued to a screen.

I'd love to see you try a meal out with my kids 🤣 Please share your alternative strategies for keeping them calm and quiet! Or do you just have really easy and compliant non SEN kids?!

YANBU to have an issue with it if it's loud, constant and parents have a 'can't be bothered attitude' although not sure about calling them out on it.
We will I admit let our girls watch things on devices for abit of the time whilst out for a meal, but NOT whilst they are eating (social and hygeine reasons) and only after exhausting colouring/I spy/fidget toys etc etc.
It's getting harder with oldest (8) as she has ASD and gets bored and hyperactive easily and many activities don't keep her occupied now she is getting older.
But watching screens is used as a last resort.
We never allow screens whilst eating at home, however meals out do tend to last longer, so towards the end they can get bored and also there is not disturbing other people trying to enjoy their meal to think about if they are playing up!

In Tenerife at the moment. Breakfast, table next to us, 2 adults, 2 teenagers, all on their phones. Never said a word to each other throughout the meal - a bit sad really

Try interacting with the child.

When my DD was younger we would always ask the restaurant if they have any colouring in, and that was part of our restaurant experience.

I don’t judge BUT, I know that I have found it very difficult to get my daughters attention span back when I have normalised the IPad in social settings. She’s a teen now and it’s the same with the phone. In social settings I tell her to put her phone down. I will only let her on the iPad if we are at a friends house and she’s survived a few hours without it. It’s a hard thing to do, and you have to commit to socialising with the child and including them. My DD is amazing in social settings, my friends love chatting with her and she is opinionated and can hold a convo.

This comment isn’t aimed at parents that feel that they need it, my child is NT and I’m aware that the challenges are different. But if we can train our children to socialise over using tech in social settings, we will be saving them in the long run. We are already seeing that socialising has changed drastically.

No matter weather we as parents are using tech to pacify our children and to keep them quiet, we need to be honest about how addictive these things are and we are collectively changing th way that the next generation socialise.

I think as parent, do what you want - but don’t be oblivious.

Yes I have stuck my kid in front of an iPad - but I’m aware that it needs conditions and I’ve been in situations where we’ve had to go cold Turkey whilst we get rid of the “addiction” - and the inability to sit in boredom (bloody hard because it is like weaning someone off an addiction).

My kids don't have i pads at the table when eating out, we prefer colouring. However they do eat coco pops and do stay with grandparents on occasions (just to balance this out amongst the numerous other parent bashing threads that have appeared tonight on mumsnet)

Absolutely. And there wouldn’t have been a MN to make them feel bad about it 😂

What I don’t get with this thread is the lack of critical thinking. There’s a subtle suggestion that the parents who do this are feckless and lazy and their kids will be developmentally delayed because of all this iPad usage.

Most sensible people know that it’s not good to plonk a child in front of an iPad for multiple hours a day. Just because they’ve chosen to do it for a small window of time to keep their kid quiet and non disruptive in a public space it doesn’t make them ‘that sort of parent.’

iPads and tech are a part of daily life. Sooner or later your kid will need to use one. A small amount in moderation never hurt anyone, providing the volume is turned down.

We never used screens when we were out. We used to interact with our kids. We also only ever ate at lunchtime if we went out because young children past 6pm are notoriously difficult (the witching hour). IMHO it's not just kids anymore, adults need constant baby sitting with phones and no one seems to be able to use headphones. I am so fed up with people wandering around the supermarket with their phones on speaker! I don't want to listen to your conversations. It's mental. Use headphones or hold the phone to your ear.