"Ipad Kid" ??

Yes, lots of autistic people/children do struggle in many situations, including my DD. But just yesterday I read a question by a Mum whose child wants to go home 20 mins after arrival at any destination (they'd paid to go into a zoo and she wanted to leave almost straight away). The Mum said the child just wants to go home and use her tablet instead of going out... I just think that always giving in and shoving a screen in their fave is exacerbating the issue.

Okay so an hour, although probably less at a restaurant - parents are exhausted and need a break sometimes

It isnt 5 mins though, is it? Kids sitting in restaurants on their ipads aren't on them for 5 mins. Parents finding ways of propping up phones infront of small babies aren't doing it for 5 mins peace, they're doing it to get hours of peace at the expense of their child's brain development.

It’s not a get out of jail free card! And it’s not something to be so dismissive and disrespectful about. Autism comes in so many shapes and forms. Some autistic children can sit perfectly well in a restaurant and mask the hell out of the situation and survive it! Others however absolutely struggle to engage, ti control their senses in that situation and technology can be an aid to help this.

for example my child gets emotionally overwhelmed in most shops, it results in screaming, thrusting their body, tears (non verbal so can’t say how they feel). However I want my child in properly fitted shoes. Last time we went in it was like wrestling with a crocodile to get their feet measured. A lovely man gave him a tissue at the end and the sales person couldn’t have been better or calmer. But it’s traumatic seeing your child go through that for what seemingly is a normal situation. But for my child the electric lights, the noises of the door, the cramped nature of the shop, the rows of shoes, make the experience scary. By distracting my child with technology we can get in and out with some tears but not a full blown head banging screaming mess.

I now cut my child’s hair, because of similar experiences in hair salons. Technology didn’t work in that instance. Too much overwhelm.

I’m an experienced mother with a masters in education. And there isn’t a book or paper or online article I haven’t read about autism. And I still find it challenging! That man who gave a tissue, his action brought me to tears that night because he was one of the crowd who showed compassion. Believe me that’s a rare trait in this modern world or judgement.

Autism isn’t a card, it’s always my child and myself will face thousand more interactions with others in our life time, how many of those are going to be like that kind man?

When we go out I take books and colouring for my toddler but we do use a phone/tablet as a last resort if she gets restless while waiting. I do this because I don’t want to disturb other diners and because sometimes I just want a meal in peace. I know it’s looked down upon and it does make me self conscious thinking that people like yourself are looking at me and judging me as a lazy parent. But sometimes we all just need to do what we need to do to make certain situations more bearable.

I can’t imagine bringing it up with a stranger. Your 19 year old was right to feel embarrassed. But I’m sure you’ll get a shit ton of people agreeing with you because MN loves to feel superior when it comes to parenting.

God forbid an exhausted parents gets 5 minutes to themselves whilst keeping their kid safe and nourished 🙄

I'm with you on this one, it's a hill I will die on! No screens at the table for my 4 year old (and coincidentally or not, he's great in restaurants as he's used to eating out and engaging with adults). We have books and colouring in for emergencies!

But on the other hand... This is my choice. I wouldn't judge others for doing it. I also think once you start, it's hard to break the habit. I also wonder if some people just automatically do this as they think it's the norm or that their child won't sit? Like, maybe they've always did this and haven't ever tried to have a meal without screens? So might be something the kid has just grown up with.

"and vacant parents who could care less"

The figure of speech is "couldn't care less" @Becc91

I have kids, and they have screens.

However, it is soo fucking rude to let your kid watch stuff loudly so other people have to hear the annoying shit too.
Kid on a silent screen at dinner, not my business.

But kid on a screen with sound in a public place.. you are making it everyones business and you are rude AF to allow it.

Think they are referring to SallySue.
I agree with you regarding the sound. I try not to judge as I don't know the background but when I got to eat with kids we eat. Part of the experience is learning social skills but then I'm not with kids who are ND or have other reasons a screen may be useful

My 2yo had a small peppa pig house with 3 figures, plus a small a5 colouring book and about 4 pens on the table yesterday at a family friendly restaurant and a ‘lovely’ woman aged about 50 with a young adult with a face like a slapped arse and glued to their phone, commented that ‘kids shouldn’t need toys at the table… ok hun meanwhile your child is an overweight miserable Sod so who’s winning at parenting 😂

Entitled to what?

I was on the bus the other day when a woman with a young girl got on - probably about 4. For the whole journey the pair of them sat at the back of the bus with the girl watching and listening to some absolute nonsense on the woman's phone. It was on full blast and it was some dreadful American accent. It was absolutely excruciating for all the other passengers.
Similar experiences with children in supermarket trolleys blasting nonsense from ipads or similar to the whole supermarket whilst they are being pushed around.
It just makes life that much more stressful and unpleasant for everyone else.
I don't understand why the children cant be given a toy or a book to keep them amused and why it has to be something so noisy and unpleasant and intrusive.

Take it your 19yo perfect child never had a cough or ate messily ? Do enlighten us with their achievements, I take it they’re absolutely perfect as you’re a perfect parent ??

This will probably come across as entitled, but I’ve never seen this at any of the restaurants I’ve been to with my family and we eat out a lot.

Surely you mean the parents couldn't care less?

My child is autistic, globally delayed and finds public places incredibly overwhelming, scary and stressful. On the rare occasion we do go out, my child will probably NEED a form of technology to block out all the difficulties that my child faces. The sound is low or off visual is enough, my child cannot wear anything on their head. The smallest things to us, makes a huge difference to them. It’s not a form of babysitting, it’s not plugging them in, it’s a coping mechanism for my child to be in public. Oh and if you really want to judge… they have a dummy too!!!

you have absolutely no idea of story of these children. Let them be. Be kind. That kindness and acceptance might absolutely make their week.

Today I had people stare due to my child breaking down in a supermarket, because they couldn’t stand the feeling of the metal seat in the trolley on their legs. We also had to wait for a lengthy time for some service, the combination was soooo challenging. But we survived it! Because that’s what you do when you are a mum of a disabled child, you fire fight constantly in broad daylight, doing ‘normal’ tasks which every other person takes for granted. Those who tutted and stared and one person even had this face like they chewed on a wasp. I hope you never have to walk a day in my shoes!

luckily my autism means I quite frankly don’t give a monkeys about what you think of me or my parenting, but others don’t have a rhino hide like me and your judgement can be crushing.

be kind.

It's ridiculous, so many kids without proper interaction and then parents who don't realise their 3.5 year old who can say 3 words is significantly delayed and it's probably for this reason.
All the parents who use the autism card... my DD is autistic and parents on some of the autism forums I'm on saying how their kid regulates with hours and hours of screen time. Doesn't occur to them that their kid would find better ways to regulate if the parent stopped taking the stupid, easy way out and actually parented their child.

You were probably BU to say anything but I completely get it.

Its not a binary choice of either a noisy kid or glued to a screen

To have a negative opinion on ipads/tablets, let alone one's with the volume up loud while in restaurants/trains/boats and planes isn't allowed on MN...

It's looked uoon as judgmental.

Not true in our case, no screens just colouring and books etc.

They can’t win either way. You’d also be moaning if they were unable to sit still at their table.

You can get hats with inbuilt headphones, most kids wear hats

I agree with you OP.

I never take books, toys or colouring to a restaurant. It sets the expectation that the children need to be entertained, which escalates to screens.

You wouldn’t have them at home, so we stick to the same format. Also don’t eat out later than the usual routine so children aren’t tired and restless.