"Ipad Kid" ??

It’s society’s fault - we’re all so intolerant of little kids these days. A curious, exploratory two year old is simply not designed to sit still for ages while adults eat. They should be running around and making noise and exploring. Restaurants should have play areas and pubs should have climbing frames like in the 90s so they can let off steam. And people should be less precious and more tolerant of noise and general developmentally appropriate behaviour.

Parents often use screens because they fear social judgement if their kid is not a perfect little angel. They can’t win. People are more tolerant of my bloody dog than kids these days.

We’re very lucky to live near a deli where the (Italian) owners chat to our two preschoolers and adore the loud laughter etc so we go there instead of using screens. Kids are so different too so it’s no use being smug. My youngest is super easy and she’d definitely sit with a colouring book. My eldest is super smart and more exploratory - at two he’d have been toddling towards the kitchen and at other tables. No way would he sit still for the duration. He was a covid baby so we didn’t eat out much or watch any screens inside but yes, I might have used a screen had we been out in the wild somewhere he couldn’t explore.

I'd be embarrassed if I was your DS. Leave people to do what they want to do, a dancing fruits video is hardly inappropriate or extremely distracting. There was no need for you to say anything.

You sound like a nightmare....do you really think everyone should have to listen to other peoples iPads phones when they've paid for a meal?.

DD is very good at eating out having done so at least weekly since newborn, when she was little I would take toys, colouring and books. Now she’s older she’s allowed her iPad with earphones BUT it’s the only time she’s ever allowed it, I don’t let her go on it at all at home, we’ve bought that ABC mouse educational app she’s doesn’t have free reign on YouTube etc.

I hate hearing iPads blaring in public it’s so rude, recently there was a kid on a flight playing loud music a couple rows behind us and another passenger politely asked the parents if the noise was coming from them, the family got so aggressive that cabin crew had to come over. Awful people.

How did people ever manage to go out for family meals before these addictive devices were available for small children? Ah yes, talking, colouring, ispy etc etc

Yes But at home, the kids can be playing or colouring in another room (or even at the table), then you call them to the table when the meal is ready, then the family sit down to eat together. In a restaurant, there can be a lot of waiting for orders to be taken, drinks & food to arrive, then perhaps waiting for deserts to come so sometimes it’s a long wait. when ours were little we took colouring books, sticker books, chatted about stuff then when really desperate quietly played “I spy”. Ours didn’t progress to iPads & still aren’t allowed phones at the table either at home or when eating out and they are mid teens. I found taking colouring books etc kept them happy & occupied in restaurants without the need to disturb others.

Interestingly it isn’t unusual for adopters in the early weeks to be told to avoid screens etc with their children as it can lead to the child becoming more attached to the device than their parents.

I'm guessing you aren't sat at your table for at least half an hour before you eat at home though, plus time in between for paying the bill or maybe getting a pudding? And surrounded by strangers?

DS (5) is autistic, has never had a tablet or used our phone (except for us to show him pictures of places we're going or something) But he'd get very restless at a restaurant (like most little kids!) so we go at quieter times, pick places where we can go outside and look at the menu in advance so we can basically order straight away. And yeah we'll take little figures or cars or a little drawing pad to keep things calm in between people watching, chatting etc - so we're all still interacting but not disturbing others. He has ear defenders too, to help him if it's a bit noisy.

If he's really finding it too much (doesn't happen often but sometimes, for whatever reason) one takes him outside whilst the other settles up.

Agree.
We worry about childhood attention spans and yet keep kids plugged in and zoned out.

A whole generation is growing up having had their emotions regulated by a screen.

It's an unmitigated disaster.

Are you joking? Or just totally selfish and bringing up your children to be equally inconsiderate of others? You say "we are all just trying to enjoy our own meals" but seem to totally ignore the fact that being forced to listen to your child's choice of music spoils other people's enjoyment of their meals.

I really do hope it’s a spoof.

I took my two primary age kids (4 and 6) to a restaurant for lunch this week. They had crayons and a menu to colour in but weren’t really fussed with it. We talked about our food and the activity we had just done and then enjoyed our meal. I feel for parents of kids that would find this a challenge. What did parents of kids with ASD/GDD do pre-screens? Aren’t screens just as overstimulating as being out and about?

Agree.

On these threads it’s always the same defensive responses “my kid is autistic” (fine but most aren’t so doesn’t always apply by any means- also please use headphones) or “you only see a snapshot of their day”,

I agree with you. It’s not teaching children to sit at a table and interact, or learning patience. We never used tablets or phones in restaurants, so depressing how many do.

It turned up down the line that DS was a "hard-work" young child because of autism that was diagnosed later in childhood. He was 4 before I had my first smartphone with limited data and limited capacity for apps, so we did it the traditional style with toy cars, colouring etc. Generally there was a window aged 18m-3y where it just wasn't worth going out to eat unless it was part of a wider family gathering or somewhere with very quick service.

Eating at home was fine because he was called to the table when the food was ready and allowed to leave soon after. Less sensory input too.

We just had to accept what he could cope with for a few years and work at it when we did have to go out. I missed many a dessert at longer family dinners sitting in the car or walking around outside with him.

You can not expect life to be unchanged by small children and you do have to adapt and sometimes sacrifice around their needs.

When parents walk in and at the moment of sitting the tablet is whipped out with sound levels that penetrate the rest of the background throng of conversation and music it is grossly unfair on everyone else in the vincinity.

There's been times recently that it's been so bad that the moment the last person at our table has finished, that we've necked the last of our drinks and walked out (bill paid at ordering!) because selfish, lazy idiots have ruined the surrounding area for everyone else.

With younger teenagers we're stuck with "family friendly" for a few more years.

I did my graft parenting toddlers and young children and resent my enjoyment of public spaces being ruined when other parents take the lazy way out with no consideration for others.

Tablet on and I can't hear it? No problem. Might not be ideal for child development but that's not being foisted into the my problem zone. I don't have an issue with quiet tablets being used as a back-up when there are other strategies used; used with consideration, they can be a useful tool. But having it as the default option for children of normal development is not great for the child. In my youth groups, the attention spans have plummeted in the last 5 years and that's the NT children, not ND.

I have a young adult with severe asd who uses a screen fairly constantly. I don't care what other people think. She has severe ld and autism. It helps her. She feels safe when she has her ipad. I keep the volume low or try to get her to use her headphones. We go to family oriented places where there are loads of kids generally. I love people who say they are professionals in this area pontificating about how parents are taking the easy way out. When you have actually looked after a young person with severe and complex needs for 20 years 24/7 then you can come back and tell me how to do it better.

I voted YABU. Two young kids here and when we eat out or fancy a beer in a pub we'll chat and play games with the kids, we don't own a tablet and don't use our phones to entertain them.

But, like everyone else, I've had my fair share of life's pressures, have zero family support and the one day I needed peace and quiet after a long and physical active day with them I gave my kids the phone to play educational video games on mute and naturally the judgement police were circling to tell me what a crap parent I was.

What's so boring at your table or with your family that you feel the need to start meddling or judging in others? When I'm out with family and friends I'm so focused on them that I don't see or hear what other tables are doing and frankly I have enough going on in my own life without having to pick up or get involved in anyone else's battles.

Parents can’t win in this situation- you get criticised for a child looking a a screen, you get criticised for a wriggly child making noise. Of course you teach good manners, social interaction, how to behave in a restaurant but that’s not something you can just flick a switch and get, it takes time and sometimes an iPad is a useful distraction for a short time. It may be that the child is always given a screen to shut them up, it may be that they’ve had a full day of all sorts of other activities and interactions and this is the first screen they’ve looked at- you just don’t know.

The noise is annoying though, it should be turned down.

"What were these autistic children doing before iPads and phones?"

Severely autistic children and adults weren't out anywhere not so long ago which I thought you would already know.

My teenager isn't interested in screens but he makes his own self regulation which can be very noisy at times.

You're being unfair, rather than criticising others, it might be better to focus on improving your grammar.

If a person says, “couldn’t care less” about something, it means that the amount of care and concern they have about something could not be any less, any lower. Therefore when someone says “could care less”, it means the opposite, that they are concerned.

Maybe consider getting an iPad so you can practice and brush up on your grammar skills?

To clarify - I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with those things. The point I was making was with my first, we also took bits of colouring because that’s what everyone else did and I assumed that’s what you did. But I found DD would colour for a while and then get bored and look to something to replace the colouring and we’d escalate to books, little toys etc.

We stopped doing that and never have with DC2, instead we just replicate the routine at home and it works better for us. No faffing around with bits of stuff and thinking of what to provide next.

That said, we only eat out at the children’s normal mealtimes and don’t have starters. I’m sure if it’s more drawn out than that, it gets tricky. My choice is that we just don’t go out for long or late meals until the children are older.

Absolutely. I still remember a lot of meals we had out as a family. Usually for special occasions and it was such a treat to be in a restaurant.

Screens can sometimes be useful tools in coping strategies. Rather than rotting brains and stunting development, their use can be positive, so it's not a thing to globally condemn when you don't know what's actually going on.

My DC and I were recently out for dinner with some children from our wider friendship group. One of those children (a lovely, intelligent, funny and active kid with ASD and ADHD) felt overwhelmed and used his coping strategies to self-regulate. One of those strategies was to have about 5 minutes of screentime (on mute) watching a rather advanced programme about maths. It helped him be able to carry on enjoying his time with his friends and I doubt it's rotted his brain given he's years ahead of his peers academically and has the maturity to use coping strategies effectively.

So everyone else has to be uncomfortable? Cheeky fucker.

What about the autistic child at the next table that needs not to hear the screen noise? Thought of that - no. Entitled - yes.