Manic bipolar episode - ruined my life and no way out

Actually I’ve just remembered what I did when I ran up debts in my last episode
Make an appointment with CAB, they were so kind and non judgemental and dealt with creditors on my behalf.
They will liaise and explain that you are vulnerable and the debts are due to irrational behaviour due to inhibition which is a symptom of bipolar.
You were not in control and it was not your fault

From what I remember( it’s a blur now) some of my debts were written off, some were repaid at £5 a month, or whatever you can afford.I did end up with a CCJ which I didn’t know I had, but just waited 6 years before it was spent
i now have a credit card with a low £1200 limit which my DS oversees.
PLEASEdo not let this make you unwell
Do take the first step with CAB
sent with warmest wishes

Speak to your creditors, you are vulnerable and they need to show that they have identified it and acted on it in a way to help prevent this. I would bet they haven’t and that they could/should have prevented it being this bad.

citizens advice should be able to help

The MH charities “Rethink” and “Mind” have advice lines which could be a really good starting point for you or your partner to call and explain where you’re at and how helpless you feel. They should be able to sign post you to other support and help for financial issues too.

i grew up in a family where close family members had lots of mental health issues.

There have been points where I could never ever imagine us ever functioning normally and if I’m being honest, as the child, ever forgiving my mum and older sister for what went on. I totally understand the debt and other issues that went on.

But today it’s so different. I feel a connection to my sister that I don’t have with anyone else on earth. I appreciate my mums devoted love for me even if she struggled with addictions during a lot of my childhood.

I can chat with them about what happened in a neutral way. In a way it’s made us closer. I’ve no practical advice but as the child in your scenario I just want you to know family bonds are strong and please have faith in the future. I love my mum and sister more than anything despite all the issues. I’m sure your son will feel the same. Please forgive yourself x

Firstly OP, it's not your fault. You have a mental illness. Bipolar and mania is a debilitating and severe mental illness.

Do you have power of attorney set up and someone who can legally take over finances if you lose capacity, as you likely did previously?

Could you ask for an advocate support? They will help you attend appointments, appeal debts, attend mental health appointments etc with you, as needed. You can usually self refer through a charity.

Do you have a social worker? It might actually help you, OP. They can support you with accessing the right things and help advocate for you.

It also sounds like you need an urgent meds review from your CMHT, and potentially something to help ease your anxiety short term, like a benzo.

OP you’ve done brilliantly to regain your mental health back after your episode - and no wonder it’s slipping. Running a business and having a child with additional needs can cause even mentally robust people to have breakdowns, let alone those with pre existing serious MH conditions.
I know the feeling of being in “reparations” mode after fucking everything up, it’s so tough but you’ve identified you’re not able to carry this now. You barely got the proper support to recover from the last episode.

Much more specific helpful advice will be on this thread but I’d just remind yourself to advocate relentlessly to get more MH immediate help. And consider liquidating the business and the implications of that and starting all over- speak to a specialist in that re its implications. It’s too much pressure as it is.

I've been there. All I can do is send you my love and compassion. ❤️

As a pp suggested in regards to the debts please speak to step change and be totally honest about your mental health - they can help get debt under control and in some instances written off.

Please speak to your DP and explain how you feel - you really need to speak to your crisis team and access help urgently. You need some time and space to get well and that may mean your DP working rather than you but you need to be transparent with him and not hide your emotions.

You need to hire an assistant immediately. Probably a temp PA for a month who will sort out the practicalities. And organise your life for you.

I know you're having money worries but you need two levels of practical support immediately: someone to remove the mental load, run your diary and keep you on track, and someone who can look at your long term plan and advise you about where your expertise is best placed.

OP I'm sorry for your troubles. Having a child with MH troubles, I have no trouble believing you that the professionals often don't listen and then judge you for being stressed by this. It's hard.

Getting you on a stable medication regime that works for you seems the first priority. Is there anyone who can advocate for you, come with you to appointments, help amplify your voice? Maybe from a charity like Mind?

I also second the suggestion up thread that whoever gave you that much credit when your behaviour was likely observably erratic has questions to answer. Try debt charities or CAB on this.

And don't kick yourself, whatever you do. Have compassion for yourself. You are fighting a terrible foe, setbacks will happen. But you're here seeking help. That's a start.

In my experience with familial serious mental health can I suggest that you contact step change with evidence of your mental illness and get some of this debt written off. Especially any loans you have received as you were not capable of entering into a contract when you were unwell? This worked for a relative of mine and got 10s of thousands written off.

I feel stressed just reading your story 🤐

Have you had any proper psychotherapy to understand somewhat of where your bipolar came from? What was your childhood like?

Medication only manages it to a certain extent and lifestyle and therapy are the way to really control it.

I don’t know what to say about the financial situation other than it sounds stressful af, and I hope you can keep on top of it

What’s your partner doing to help?

Dear Op, you sound like an extremely dynamic and brilliant person and it's just going to be a case of finding compassion for yourself and the right support. You wouldn't blame yourself if you broke a leg and couldn't walk so fast for a few months would you? Sending you a virtual hug also xxooxx

Wow OP you have a lot on your plate.

Mental illness is shit, and a particularly shit aspect of it is that it makes you feel like things are your fault. I've been there, felt that I ruined my own life, not bipolar but a different mental illness, it's an utterly awful feeling. Your actions during a manic episode are not your fault.

I really hope that you can get better support for your mental health. It sounds like you need to find the right meds, but also could do with some therapy too help you with the trauma of what's happened. Also do you know others with bipolar? Building a support network with people who truly understand, whether that's in person or online, can be invaluable. It's easier to have empathy for yourself when you have friends going through similar struggles.

OP - it might be worth you posting on moneysavingexpert - there may be an argument to say that you shouldn't have been given so much credit whilst you were unwell so you might be able to get some of your debt wiped off but please don't pay for advice on this, moneysavingexpert debt forum will help and HMRC will work out a payment plan with you and there is support out there for you. Please contact your GP the 111 MH crisis team if you are having suicidal thoughts, your local Mind will also support as will the samaritians and there are always people willing to cheer you on and give you a virtual hug on mumsnet.

First of all I’m so sorry you are feeling this way.

In our area you can dial 111 or 999 and be put through to a crisis MH team. Would it be better to contact them now when you are on the edge rather than when the crisis hits? I have a PTSD condition and understand about being labelled ‘difficult’ when you’re in the grip of something.

Regarding finances contact a charity such as National Debtline for professional help. Would it be so bad if you had to declare bankruptcy and had to start again?

Hope things improve for you.

I think you urgently need a medication review and probably intensive/crisis type support. I would make notes before you speak to anyone and ideally take someone with you to appointments to help you advocate for yourself.

It definitely is possible to overcome all of this, but from experience it comes from having proper oversight and support from mental health services. It can be really hard to get that in place sadly.

Maybe in the longer term you could check with step change to see if there is something that can be done to make the debt more manageable, especially if you were unwell when building it up. Could your partner take control of bank cards etc for the moment if you’re still spending a lot? Set weekly amount in cash and remove card details from your phone etc?

Your illness has led to you doing things that you wouldn’t have otherwise.

not your fault.

since then, you’ve worked bloody hard to get back on your feet. Your son is surrounded by love. Be proud of yourself.

get some medical help urgently. Ask your DP to help you with this.

you can do this. There is a positive future for you.

I’m really sorry for what you’ve been and are still going through… I’m bipolar 1, and I too did some ridiculous things which I’m still mortified by.
You ( or DP) need to get hold of your care coordinator/ CMHT urgently and tell them you’re in crisis.
Recently when I was hypomanic, my DS1 phoned GP with his concerns and the GP prescribed lorazepam and Zopiclone over the phone
Its possible, the change of meds has triggered this for you( or even change of seasons)
Please do not feel bad about anything
you got into debt because of your illness which was controlling your thoughts at the time.
Everything between life and death can be remedied, and things will get better.

Contact the mental health team and try and get support, I know it's not always great with mental health teams but you need to do what you can to avoid crisis. There may be an advocacy service in your area that can help with accessing services and making sure you are listened to.
Go to citizens advice/ welfare rights about finances for advice. I'd also consider forgetting about work for now, we have a welfare system to support people like you. You need to focus on being stable and being there for your child. If the routine of work helps then you can look for volunteering roles where there is less pressure.

Above all op there is one thing to focus on: being there for your little boy.

He needs you desperately, is not judging you and is NOT better off without you.

Forgive me for being blunt, but I was wondering about your ccjs? If you already have some, would it be easier to declare yourself bankrupt?

I'm sorry for what you're going through girl, but you are not a bad mum! You're a human one! We all have our problems and the main thing is, you've realised the signs now and you want to get better!

You need to get some proper help as soon as possible. Maybe on Tuesday when things start back up again?

You've recognised that you're struggling and now you're not alone as mumsnet can really be a good source of help

❤️

I would go back to the people who changed your meds. Maybe ask your partner to come with you, so he can also advocate for you. Does he know how you feel?