Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

671 replies

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 20:54

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

OP posts:
Mrspatmoresapprentice · 19/04/2025 21:27

Well, I would always buy a gift for a sibling who got married. But that’s me and I wouldn’t judge anyone who doesn’t. And they absolutely were not “late for your wedding reception”. You were in fact already married. They were late for a party. Have you never, ever been late to a party? Let it go…..

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 21:27

pimplebum · 19/04/2025 21:26

odd expectation to do photos at the start
did you let anyone know the time if the photos

Exactly, it was silly to plan the photos at the start as people may be running late

GreenSkyes · 19/04/2025 21:27

OP, most people think YABVU.

Try and let this go otherwise it will drive you nuts and likely cause unnecessary conflict within your DH family.

deeahgwitch · 19/04/2025 21:27

Did she come from a “generous house” - are your inlaws tight ?
If so she may not know/wasn’t taught that it would be nice to give her brother a gift for his wedding or she may herself just be tight.
Your colleagues sound nice giving gifts.
I know my brothers and sisters would give us gifts. One brother might be a bit slow about it though 😉
I’d let it go - pointing the finger is upsetting you.
I can understand your sil/bil
being late if they are trying to sell a house. It was a party, albeit one to celebrate your nuptials. Their house sale is a life changer for them.

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 21:26

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 20:58

Yes, that’s right - it was a reception party -separate occasion. We had a private elopement abroad.
I think about an hour or so late. It kind of ruined photos, as the idea was to arrive early or on time so we could get family photos. We ended up taking some without them. I’m not fussed about that on its own, it’s all the factors together that have left me feeling upset.

Show quote history

Well if you are not the lateness that bothers you then it’s the fact she didn’t bring a present on the day
Is that correct?

You shouldn’t expect people to bring presents and anyway maybe she will give it to you at a later date

You sound grabby and petty

Praying4Peace · 19/04/2025 21:26

ZekeZeke · 19/04/2025 20:59

Let it go.
Your wedding was wonderful (I'm sure).
Stop focusing on this one minor issue. Stop giving her the head space.
This should ve the happiest time of your lives, your honeymoon!
Give over nagging your new husband.

SPOT ON

WearyAuldWumman · 19/04/2025 21:26

nocoolnamesleft · 19/04/2025 21:03

I thought if you eloped you didn't get wedding presents and a reception?

It's quite usual for people nowadays to have the ceremony abroad and then a reception back home. I have family members who have done that.

I'd be embarrassed to attend a wedding reception and not to give a present.

pimplebum · 19/04/2025 21:26

odd expectation to do photos at the start
did you let anyone know the time if the photos

Octavia64 · 19/04/2025 21:26

It is absolutely standard in this country that if someone elopes and gets married abroad in a private ceremony gifts are not required.

when I got married I bought several books in wedding etiquette to make sure I organised things correctly.

obviously it’s nice if people do give you gifts but you are trying to go against custom. Which does make you look grabby.

RealEagle · 19/04/2025 21:24

I don’t see the issue .She was late and didn’t get you a present (so what).Think your being OTT

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 19/04/2025 21:24

YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU

BlackBean2023 · 19/04/2025 21:24

I’m still perplexed as to what gift you expected. Presumably with an elopement you didn’t have a gift list so were you hoping for cash or a set of Mr and Mrs mugs from The Card Factory?

Riaanna · 19/04/2025 21:24

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:00

No not really. I’m not that ridiculous - but I happen to think a wedding is a very important event!

Show quote history

It wasn’t a wedding though. It was a reception at a later date because you eloped.

I don’t think it would have occurred to me there would be photos or that it would matter if I was late.

Did she attend the wedding?

dogsandcatsandhorses · 19/04/2025 21:24

Send her a card thanking her for her card. I’d be tempted to write and lovely gift.
When you next see her make a pint of showing her all the photos that don’t have her in them.
( god I’m in a bitchy mood tonight)

DangerFrog · 19/04/2025 21:24

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:16

It is the reception part of a wedding. It just didn’t include the ceremony.

The ceremony is the wedding. The reception is just a party.

You're behaving like a spoiled brat.

OhcantthInkofaname · 19/04/2025 21:24

When they complain they aren't in the photos - just remind them they were late!

Arlanymor · 19/04/2025 21:24

If you don’t know how to tell him, just show him this thread. Some attitude adjustment is required… Whether him or the both of you…

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 19/04/2025 21:24

I probably would have brought a present, but I’m not sure I’d class her as being late. I’ve been to a fair few weddings where I was an ‘just’ evening guest (which is how I would describe being invited to a party celebrating an elopement), and I don’t think I’ve ever aimed to be there at the start. I, and most people I know would assume it meant ‘arrive from’, and was much more relaxed than the start time of an actual wedding.

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 19/04/2025 21:23

YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU

beAsensible1 · 19/04/2025 21:23

nocoolnamesleft · 19/04/2025 21:03

I thought if you eloped you didn't get wedding presents and a reception?

You don’t

Brefugee · 19/04/2025 21:23

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:16

It is the reception part of a wedding. It just didn’t include the ceremony.

Look, you aren't getting (or don't want to get) her message

You didn't invite her to your wedding - so she didn't join in with your fantasty wedding party later. Now you are 1-1 - it's a draw.

Put a line under it and move on.

Cosyblankets · 19/04/2025 21:23

If i was going to a party and it said for example 7pm i would think it was from 7pm and would get there some time between 7 and 8.
If i was invited to a wedding at say 3pm i would be there before 3.
There's a huge difference

nocoolnamesleft · 19/04/2025 21:23

You didn't invite them to the wedding, so why on earth would you expect them to bring a wedding gift? This wasn't a wedding reception, this was a party.

beAsensible1 · 19/04/2025 21:22

Don’t get how you can be “late” to an evening party.

Did they know they were supposed to be there for a specific time for photos?

I think you are definitely being unreasonable as they had a perfectly valid reason.

Arlanymor · 19/04/2025 21:22

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:20

Make up party? Are you for real?
So I’ve done it a bit differently - it doesn’t mean it’s a make up party. A lot of people on here are acting as if a wedding is for the guests. And you’re being passive aggressive not getting a gift just because you didn’t come to the ceremony?
it isn’t just a party, I spent quite a lot - wedding prices - on what was a wedding celebration party - a reception party. Many of my friends and family were delighted to be there, celebrating with us. I was just a bit taken aback by her behaviour and it’s left a poor taste in my mouth.
My husband is quite angry and upset by it. I feel awkward as I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’ll likely drop it, but just wanted to know what other people thought.

some people are being quite nasty however as these things can be quite hurtful.

Show quote history

Well talk some sense into him as is being abundantly and repeatedly explained to you on this thread. You can’t blame people for being glib when it’s clear how ridiculous this whole grievance is. People are giving you advice - take it.