Is it such a bad thing If I don't have children?

Had them, love them and wouldn't change it for a second now its happened, but feel that life without them would have been objectively "better" or at least no worse.

I drifted into having kids, it was just expected I didn’t fully realise I had a choice. So I’m super happy new generations have and can make this choice. You do you!!

I'm 66 and childfree. I was younger than you when I went to my GP and asked to be sterilised as I knew I didn't want kids. (FWIW they refused.) No regrets at all. I've had (and am still having) a great life.

What interests me about these posts are the people who keep telling you that you'll regret not doing it. I didn't get that. What evidence do these folk provide?

Good luck choosing your path.

Children are not right for everyone, it’s your choice. Don’t let anyone dictate to you what is right for you.

I'm 55, no kids through choice, absolutely no regrets.

I’m 53, no children and never been pregnant. Sometimes I do feel as though I’ve missed out but it was never the right time for me. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 38 and him 43 and we’ve only lived in one bed flats ever since. We’re happy enough, got money and can have nice holidays. No cats though sadly, ditto the living in a flat.

I think it's great that you have the self awareness to really think about whether motherhood is the right path for you, considering that it would be more challenging for you with your health issues.

I'm in my early 40s and don't have children. I just never had the desire to, and I'm totally content with the situation.

My mother had schizophrenia and it was a very hard road and has caused me some trauma too. Obviously the illness wasn't her fault, but in her case it meant she was not well equipped to be a mother. I'm sure treatment is much better now than it was when I was a child, but it's still not an easy road to take.

Whatever you decide, do it because it's what you truly want, not because of other people's opinions. Wishing you the best.

I'm 41 with no kids and my older brothers are 44 and 47 with no children, so our bloodline will end with us. We're all high achievers academically, but there's definitely some sort of undiagnosed autism with us all. Personally I've suffered with awful depression/suicidal ideation since being a very young child, so bringing a baby into the world is not something I've ever seriously considered.

I don't regret my decision, but I will say 26 is still young enough to explore your thoughts and feelings for a bit longer if you wanted to. There's no right or wrong answer and the fact you're thinking about how your life would be with or without kids is more thought than a lot of people give to such a serious decision.

It’s fine not to have a baby. I had my child, older (44) so I’ve experienced life both as a childless woman & as a mother, now.

I don’t buy into the “profound change to my life” thing (that’s just me, my opinion). DS is just another person in my life TBH.

Life is the same. I still have a job, still have to run a home, have DH, my family. I’m still the same. Except now DS is here too.

No it’s not. Also you’ve got about 20 years of fertility left so you don’t need to decide now anyway.

I’ve got 3 kids and of course I love them but my honest advice - stick to the cats!

You are no different from the 1000s of young women who are making similar choices.

The most important person that you can look after in life is yourself, there are many ways that you can experience children without the relentless slog of raising them.

My DD with mild mh issues/ASD, she needs a lot of downtime, she doesn't want children. I 💯 support her choice.

Well done for recognising the pros and cons, my child free friends have a great life, most of us with DC have then nearly grown, it is good to be free.

It's not a bad thing as long as you're okay with it. I have a 6 year old daughter and it's been bloody hard work. But now, with the way the world is and is going, I wish I never had. The fear of leaving them to this world is terrifying.

You’ve still got plenty of time to decide. I didn’t have children until I was 35 and before then led a very fulfilling life. I’m so glad I did have children but would have been happy without. Do what feels right but you don’t need to give it much thought now. What’s more important is looking after your mental health.

Completely the individual's choice. We all think about what might have been different but if it's the right decision for some it's a road well travelled.

40 and no kids. No regrets at all. They just aren’t my thing.

Hey, I’m 28 and TTC, but I’ve been married for years and met my DH at 17. We’ve had over 10 years without kids and I’ve loved it.

I feel it’s an experience I want from life and an urge to have them. However, I also feel quite relaxed that if it doesn’t work out for us, we would just continue having a ball without them.

I’ve traveled for months, we go to London to see a show and have a good weekend twice a year, renovated houses, focused on our careers so we are pretty comfortable, enjoyed child free weddings, spa days, hobbies like running, gardening etc. We did a road trip from either side of USA not too long ago. When I think of childfree life, it’s been so exciting and fun and I really don’t believe I’d have done all that, or afforded to, if we had had kids. Totally get people don’t want to do some of that, but I did and I’m glad I had these years.

I hated my job and DH said to walk away from it and get something else, we don’t have kids to worry about! You are so much more free and flexible in so many ways, you are never really ‘stuck’. Think about what you want from life and take some risks if you have to.

Most of my friends don’t have kids either and I expect that to become more common. You won’t find yourself the odd one out.

Good luck whatever you decide x

You don’t have to have kids, I didn’t have mine until I completed therapy, I just wouldn’t have coped before it if I’m being completely honest. No-one has to have children, I love mine but would have been just as happy without. I do have members of my family who are older and have mental health problems and haven’t had children because by the time they settled down it was a bit late. Honestly they are doing great.

Kids are wonderful in many ways but they are also a massive stressor and if at any point you are not managing it impacts them. I’m not saying this to be negative but I have a schizophrenic member of my family who had quite a few children and it was incredibly tough on all of them. Also have a bi-polar member of my family who’s children have distanced themselves from her for large periods of time because they couldn’t cope, they are all good people, no-ones wrong but it is so very hard on families. There may be people who can take over at times but (and they did in my family members case) but the impact on her kids was lifelong. Thats the reality.

I’m not saying this to try to stigmatise you or to make you feel bad, I’m saying this because I’ve seen the impact on peoples kids. It’s not always about what you want or what other people want, the wellbeing of any child you bring i to the world os your responsibility. You don’t have to be perfect (no parent is) but think carefully about whether you would be prepared for kids.

If you don't want to have a baby then you're not going to want to deal with sleep deprivation etc after the fact. And if the cat life was so bad it wouldn't be so popular lol 😼

@Notsure54

You could have children and still end up single with cats though.
I am a mum, via adoption - and no this is not an encouragement to adopt, it's just how I chose to become a mum.
I have a wonderful son, we are very close, we get on well and he still enjoys spending time with me.
But he has grown up to be the young man I wanted him to be, strong and independent minded and following his own path. He has moved away to university and I don't think he will ever come back permanently. So I'm here with the cat and my allotment.
I have lots of interests and good friends. I think I have pretty much the same life as I do now if I hadn't adopted him.
A life with children is very different to a life without children, but neither is intrinsically better than the other.
Unless you really want children. You don't sound very sure one way or the other, and although you say you like babies, they don't stay babies very long.
You could also of course meet someone who doesn't want children.
There are many ways to live your life. On another thread a poster mentioned a piece of advice they'd had after a difficult time which was don't waste your life thinking about the life you wished you'd had.
There are many ways to have a happy, fulfilled life. But being single with a cat is actually quite nice.

Of course it's not a bad thing! Nearly 20% of women are childfree.
It gives you the freedom and opportunity to do whatever you want in life.
If you don't want/have children, then embrace all the opportunities that will come your way - you will have a fantastic life.

I have one child, was one the fence re kids and am very glad I get to have this experience. However I firmly believe that you can have a truly fulfilling happy life without having children.

I think having children is like any other life affirming/changing/big experience in that if you go through it it gives you life experience and different perspective but that doesn't mean that that is any better or worse than other things. For a loose example I never did a 'gap year', I've never travelled very much at all (I don't want to and have no desire to!) so I don't have that experience to gain that perspective from. Is my life worse for it? Nope. Do I sometimes think I should have done it? Yep. But I haven't and I am still living MY life, respecting how others live theirs and hoping they are happy.

I have pretty bad anxiety and depressive episodes thought my life, motherhood actually tought me how resilient I am....however a very hard lesson to learn and I did have PPA & PPD. I was in a support group with a lady who had schizophrenia and small children and although quite up and down at times those kids were her priority and looked after by her support network where/when she was struggling.

Your only 26, make no firm decisions, you don't need to, but know whatever life decides to gift you either way you will cope and likely thrive xxx

I love my little one but it is HARD. I have luckily never had any mental health struggles in life and I still find motherhood really tough sometimes, I can only imagine how hard it would be with the additional complexities of schizophrenia. You 100% can have a fulfilled life without kids, if anything having a baby has made me realise how true this is.

I love my children but raising them is hard, lots of worry and anxiety as well as the joy they bring. You say you love babies but they are not babies for long and the huge responsibility of being a parent never really ends. It sounds like you are facing more challenges than most. Many women choose not to have children and live a rich and fulfilling life. Don't feel pressured by societal expectations.

Childfree at 62 and zero regrets here. Do as I like, go where I like, spend as I like. My SO is childfree, too. We lead very pleasant lives reaping the rewards of focusing on careers.