Is it such a bad thing If I don't have children?

Sorry this sounds so tough. Please get in touch with your LA early help service to see if they can provide respite care for your daughter and you

Yeah this is definitely a strong consideration!

OP you might end up meeting a partner with kids and being a step mum too (although check out the step parenting board on here as this comes with lots of stresses!)

I'm a mum and glad I'm one. But I have many friends of all ages who don't have kids. My parents and in-laws also have friends who are in their 60s and 70s who don't have children. All are happy, regret free and lead full and interesting lives.

The most important thing is to lead the life you want and make the decisions that are best for you, not what society expects you to do.

Ps if you like babies but are uncertain about having your own, when your good friends start to have them they would love you to offer to go round and spend time with then both and cuddle their baby while they shower or have a nap or do their admin on their phone etc. I did that for my friends with kids as I had mine later than lots of my friends and all these kids adore me and see me as an auntie now - one even shared he had to do a piece of writing about an adult he likes that isn't a family memeber and he wrote all about me :-)

This is a very good point they are only a baby for a year which flies by

Look at the mumsnetters without children thread and search for child free not child less.

The happiest women are single child free women in their 40s statistically!

I always wanted my own child so would have been very to not have one, I feel sad that I might not have a second but equally if I don't I will ensure that I use the time to pour into myself and building a great life for me and my son

Focus now on hobbies and rewarding relationships and helping yourself to be as healthy as you can

Don’t be dictated to by societal expectation even though it’s hard not to. Being child free is becoming more accepted & being responsible about bringing a child into your life & the world & realistically evaluating if you are capable or have the resources to do it should happen more & be commended. You don’t need to feel less than for not wanting children nor should your reasons & your chronic health issues be minimised or not taken into consideration when others are preaching about what you should or shouldn’t be doing with your life. They don’t live in your shoes with the challenges you face. That being said if you do choose to then that’s your choice. But you can be happy & fulfilled in your life without kids & liberated by living life on your own terms. Don’t be bulldozed by others & do what’s right for you.

I'm 37 with depression, OCD and anxiety and also recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I've never wanted kids and so far no regrets. A sibling has schizophrenia and that's also a reason not to have kids. Although it's always a risk regardless of genetics. Our parents were healthy happy and well-adjusted with no mental illnesses and us kids are anything but well-adjusted so it doesn't always correlate. We were all fine as kids (although I swear I had depression back then) but once we hit adulthood that's when the issues started. I think a lot of parents are trying to help their adult kids navigate relationship breakups, addictions, depression etc. more than ever these days. Parenthood never ends.

To me you can't put a price on peace of mind and not getting that call in the middle of the night. I've chosen a much more stress free easy life and I'm happy to forego any benefits of having kids. When I hear of people desperate for them I just thank my lucky stars I don't have that urge. No regrets especially with how the world is.

Just to give an alternate view. DD’s “DF” skipped out of her life with no explanation over 5 years ago when he was sectioned, diagnosed with schizophrenia and “having an additional personality”. I only know that he’s alive because we get regular child maintenance payments monthly.
DD was 7. He also left behind a 3 year old from another relationship. I have CPTSD (partially due to him), and now autistic 13 year old DD who often physically attacks me. I can’t talk for schizophrenia but I have had to take fairly heavy duty meds for years to cope day to day. I literally cannot sleep without my meds.
I lost two babies. I have 9 cats. I’m pretty much okay with where I am in life but will definitely regret not trying to have another baby when the choice is taken out of my hands. I guess my comment is a bit mixed bag. Sorry :(

I know many childfree people and none have regrets, but lots of parents do.

Look at bloggers. There are thousands of miserable parent blogs lamenting their “hard”
life, but I’ve yet to see a blog about the misery of childfreedom.

Surely no one still thinks having children is just ‘what you do’, like ageing and taxes, or that being afraid you might regret it when you’re older is a valid reason for creating new people, especially with a serious MH condition with a significant heritability factor?

I think if you have any kind of mental health challenges then it’s wise not to have children. Children can be very emotionally and mentally draining and if you struggle anyway, you’ll find it 100x harder.

It is absolutely ok not to have children. It’s entirely up to you. Try not to let others influence you here. Do what’s right for you.

Nah. It's heavily romanticised. The reality of a baby can be pretty horrific.

Works wonderful for some, terribly for others.

Nah.

I've two. They're a bit annoying, really expensive and not all that tbh.

I'm a big fan of kids. And cats. But it's not for everyone. There's no right or wrong way to live your life. You may find a partner who doesn't want kids. You may have an amazing career. You may travel all over the world. There are lots of worthwhile things in life the don't include kids.

I wouldn't. I have a great life without children and have never regretted it. Perhaps I will be flamed but it's dreadfully unfair to have them when there's a chance you might be too ill to take care of them.

Considering the heritability of schizophrenia and the issues of treatment during pregnancy, I wouldn't be having children in your position unless it was something you couldn't live without.

Why didn’t you want children?

I love my children. I would chose them every life time - but I always knew I wanted them.

if someone is on the fence I would suggest not… they’re a LOT. Plenty of my girlfriends in their 40s are single + childfree with zero regrets, lovely travel filled lives, beautiful apartments with un-drawn-on walls and crumb free carpets. I don’t envy their lives as such - but I can absolutely see how they have made the right choice for them and I celebrate that (and am delighted to run away to their homes for child free wine sometimes!)

there are a so many ways to be happy, don’t let other people impose their thoughts on what you will or won’t regret on you!

I had kids because I had a burning desire to do so. You do not, so it is a perfectly valid choice for you to make not to have them.

I knew from a young age I would not have kids as I suffer from mental health, suspected adhd and I knew I could pass it on to a child. I adored kids but never regretted my decision:

I think it's great that there's more openness about choosing to be child free. I didn't even consider it as an option when I was op's age, I'd dint realise it was a possibility.

Don't get the wrong I love my dcs but 2/3 are choosing not to have children and I can't be happier for them.

One DD always says she's too selfish for having children, she wants to travel unencumbered!

I’m not sure why PCOS is given as a reason not to have children.. my dd has this and was told by a consultant conceiving would be no problem.

Obviously autism is something different.

I’m 51 & divorced. Being single & childfree with my cat is living the dream as far as I’m concerned.

Maybe come & look at some of the threads on the Mumsnetters without children board.