To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

I haven't read the whole thread so not sure if this has been suggested already.

Assuming that the rent is more than £650/month and having gained the impression that the mother of your DH's children doesn't necessarily always make the best financial decisions, wouldn't a solution be that DH pays the £650 monthly contribution to supporting his children direct to his ex-partner's landlord.

This way he can then agree to act as guarantor knowing that his exposure to rent arrears is limited as far as possible. The children's mother isn't losing out because paying the monthly rent to keep a roof over the children's head should be her most important financial priority. He can ensure that she prioritises that because the amount he pays is not subject to any court order.

She does however need to start planning for what she's going to do once the children reach 18.

Many landlords will ask for either six or 12 months rent upfront instead of a guarantor. Most don’t ask for a guarantor after that period expires because the tenant has proved they are reliable, so no need.

How has the tenant proved s/he is reliable? The landlord has no idea whether he or she will pay monthly on time in future.

Agreed. She’s got herself into debt. She’s at serious risk of falling into arrears. Absolutely no from me

TBH I would just agree to it, or at least do the 6m rent thing.
Otherwise your husband will end up resenting you and it will fester.

I would really feel for her, times are tough, but I think this would have a wholly different feel if a woman came on here saying her ex-boyfriend from 10+ years ago who she shares two teenage children with got himself in debt and bad credit due to some poor decisions and asked if she’d be his guarantor or pay 6 months rent in advance for him. 😂

Everyone would say absolutely not. He can get a bedsit or live with family and have the dc one night a week or EOW only.

Many landlords will ask for either six or 12 months rent upfront instead of a guarantor. Most don’t ask for a guarantor after that period expires because the tenant has proved they are reliable, so no need. The landlord can’t just evict a sitting tenant for not providing a guarantor or stumping up another six months rent unless that’s the rent agreement.

How on earth did you pay it

in struggling to cover the loan monthly but least it ends in 4yrs

OP said ‘It's their home and they can be here as much as they need or want to be, that absolutely is no question.’

Which is what a good step-mum would say.

The mum is not OP’s responsibility!

I would not sign to be a guarantor for anybody, it's not worth it. Just say no.

Under the old child support agency the spouse was never directly liable for the maintenance, that’s true. But l know personally of quite a few instances where the CSA decided that where the spouse earned more than the paying parent, they could be expected to pay more towards housing costs so the paying spouse could pay higher maintenance. Not sure if this is still the case under CMS but it certainly happened in the past.

Why is the mum OP’s responsibility?

What other problems do you want to place on step-mums’ shoulders?

World peace?

The war in Ukraine?

Noooo!!!!!! She has already proven that she is irresponsible with money. People who have been irresponsible with money when it’s their own financial security on the line, don’t suddenly become responsible with money when it’s someone else’s financial security on the line. I am baffled by all the people saying it’s your DHs responsibility to provide a home for his children. It is also their mother’s responsibility to provide a home for them, and she has jeopardised their home by being irresponsible with money. If he does this for her she will continue to buy things on credit and you’ll be left having to bail her out repeatedly. It will completely fuck over their coparenting relationship as you will end up resenting her. She needs to take responsibility for herself and her children.

If anything I would say pay towards her mortgage payments for 6 months or something, it's less risky, she can then use the spare to pay off her debt. But don't be responsible for her finances

@Startinganew32 - maybe, maybe not; if the DM earns enough all they have to do is go to the CMS. Not sure what the actual DC want, but needs must and all that. The most important thing is that they have a stable, caring home - and seems OP and her DH can provide that for them - here's hoping anyway.

How much is the rent she wants you to guarantee?? If its equal to or lower than what he pays in maintenance I would agree on the basis that he sends maintenance directly to landlord as rent but then pays nothing more.

Which OP has offered so yes this makes sense. Also I bet if the children did move in with their dad full time, the OP and her DH wouldn’t be getting any child support from the mum.

Probably easiest if you and your DP had your SC full-time so their DM can be available to maximize her earning potential and pay down her debts? And possibly have some spare time to socialize and maybe meet a new DP, if she doesn't already have one.

I'm sure you would be able to include all the extra responsibilities that caring for an additional two dc entails in your existing 'life plans'.

Absolutely not. There's a reason she is being asked to provide a guarantor, she's a risk. Unless you're happy to pay her rent for an unknown amount of time and any potential legal costs.

That won’t really help. The landlord will want a guarantor for the full length of the tenancy. If you pay 6 months rent, she will get a 6 month tenancy and will be asked to leave after 6 months unless she can stump up another 6 months or gets a guarantor.
Not sure why it’s astonishing that she needs to cut her cloth accordingly. She could ask the council for temporary accommodation but it might be better for the kids to live with their dad full time if she can’t afford to house them.

I fall in the no camp. No matter how stable someone may present I would not be willing to be held financially liable for someone else.

I would look into the 6 months rent in advance as others have said. Often letting agents and landlords will see this as a form of security and she should be able to find somewhere. She can then pay back in installments.

And by accept it I also mean she then needs to accept that she can’t house her children and let them move to their dad’s. As I asked before, would you be guarantor for an ex so that he can get a 3 bed for the kids to stay at his? Because almost no woman would and would rightly say that it’s his own responsibility and that if he doesn’t have beds for the kids, they don’t stay over at his.

Well, do whatever anyone else would do? Approach the council, ask for housing, get a better paid job, move to a cheaper area? Your ex is not financially responsible for you. She would have seen this coming for a long time as well but took no steps to improve her financial position whatsoever.

if it were me, I would help her. It's a hand up, not a hand out. It sounds like she wouldn't take the piss.

I'm astonished at the idea of taking the kids full-time and her getting a flat share. That's surely not good for her or the children's mental health.

I would prefer to pay 6 months upfront, with a payment plan for her to pay you back.

So:-

£36k unpaid rent
£18k landlord’s solicitors fees, court fees etc
£10k+ of your solicitors fees
£Xk of damage that you didn’t have to pay for but the landlord had to swallow but you could have had to pay
£Yk of further solicitors fees that the landlord had to pay but you could have had to pay

Three questions:-

1. How much would you have had to pay if it had just been a case of your friend having no money? Rather than them being an awful awful person.
2. Do you think the landlord ran up more bills than necessary? Is that why you only had to pay some?
3. Is there any way you can get any of the money back? Presumably not if the “friend” has no money but if they won the Euro millions tonight could you?

Sorry - a lot of this is for my own pure interest but I am a mega fan of putting numbers to everything. It makes things so much clearer. Before your post I was a bit on the fence as to what the Op should do. Now I most definitely am not!

Accept that ? And do what ? Find a nice big cardboard box