To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

She's made some mistakes but she's the kids primary caregiver - their mum, and it doesn't sound like she's a bad one

Struggles come for all of us at times - if the roles were reversed, I would be saying the same

They're family. He's just a guarantor, not paying the rent

Nope. If she messes up then it's you and your children's life that suffers, and she could still end up out on her arse anyway. You need to ensure that at least one set of parents is financially as secure as possible.

As an alternative could either have her live with you for 6 months to save up more (I certainly couldn't do it, but I'm just throwing it out there!) or could you offer to pay 3 or 6 months rent upfront for her in the hope they might sway a landlord into taking her on.

If he signs as guarantor it isn't going to affect your money at all. It will only risk affecting what he can contribute for a short time.

You clearly don’t have a clue what someone is signing themselves up for by being a guarantor.

Of course it affects op and her husband's money...the mum hasnt exactly shown her self to be financially responsible and she could default on the rent at any time, meaning op and her husband are liable.

Op has already said they are happy to take the kids in...their responsibility ends there

No, No, No, they are divorced, he pays maintenance for the children. He does not have a responsibility for her housing. Do not do it.
He has offered to have his children more as well.
Ignore those who say he has a responsibility for her, he has a responsibility for his children which he fulfills. Also you have your child to think of. Please say no.

I 100% agree with this

Its putting op and her husband at risk financially, which will in turn impact on the children even more so if anything was to happen.

Sounds like he already has the kids almost half, pays half of expenses and pays a decent amount of maintenance. I think he is doing enough and would be mad to consider putting himself in this position

Yabu- these are HIS children and he has a responsibility to ensure they are housed. If he signs as guarantor it isn't going to affect your money at all. It will only risk affecting what he can contribute for a short time.

The only other option is if the DC come to live with you.

I used to work in debt recovery. We used to joke : "What do you call an idiot with a pen in his hand? A guarantor".

Very difficult situation for you. Just be aware that if she didn't pay the rent the Landlord could come to your DH for it, could get a CCJ, an attachment of earnings order or even a lean on your house.

Not really, his obligation is to his children and OP has said they are welcome to stay with them full time if their mother needs time to get back on her feet.

OPs DH does not have a lifelong obligation to make sure his ex wife is ok. She is an adult.

If it wasn’t just a short adjustment period that got her into trouble then I wouldn’t offer. And I think the she’s a good mum line may be being unfairly generous - ensuring financial stability is a huge part of being a good parent. It’s essential to kids’ well being and should be a primary focus. Obviously everyone can meet unfortunate events - like being made redundant - but burying your head in the sand about financial reality is poor parenting.

I would cut her a bit of slack if the things she got on credit were done early in her new reality (of being unable to get a similarly paid job) and she has since adjusted. If she is good now at living within her means, hasn’t been booking holidays, etc. then I might consider it. But it’s always a risk.

Assuming you are near their schools and friends I’d be more inclined to offer to take the kids full time so she can focus on getting herself in a better financial position.

How old are the children? What’s their living situation like with you and how disruptive would it be to them to move to live with you full time and effectively not be able to ever stay with their mum because she’s in a flat share?

As their mother she has a responsibility to keep a roof over their heads too.

What about the Mums duty to make sure they are housed?

It sounds like she's made a series of bad financial choices, and the kids dad is already doing a lot.

They kids will be fine, they can move in with the op if need be, but it's not up to ops dh to secure housing for another adult, his duty ends with his dc.

It's really hard. I once did it for my MIL under similar duress and it all went pear-shaped. I think you have to say no.

I would not do this. My friends husband was guarantor for a close friend. The friend lost his job and stopped paying rent for 2 years. My friend and her husband were presented with a legal bill which were 2 years worth of rent and court fees! It really impacted their finances, no holidays or eating out for a few years. It made them argue alot. I would not be guarantor. I'd encourage her to present herself as homeless at the council house, they'll put them into temporary accommodation. They'll be put on a waiting list for a council flat. Offer to house the children.

He does ensure his kids have a roof over their head when they are with him

Their mother needs ro ensure they have a roof over their head when with her, without having to rely on her ex.

Yanbu and you are right op, you would be mad to do this. Ensure the mum and kids know you will have them whenever they need and if mum has to go into temporary accommodation, then unfortunately thats the way it will be.

No no and no again. It's mad you or your DH are even wasting head space considering it. Your gut is telling you no and with good reason...

Can your dh just tell her that you'll be needing a loan to get the extension on your home and being her guarantor could potentially effect that.

Set out what you can offer to do to help her (having the dc with you, potentially a slight increase in maintenence, and maybe look into what schemes the local council has to help people struggling to get a rental), it's not your responsibility to do that, of course, but I would be doing all I could to maintain the good relationship, without a massive financial commitment.

I don’t see what point you’re trying to make, OP has a say in this because it will impact their family money. And she has said she is willing to have the kids more or full time while she gets herself on her feet.

Glad her DH has said he will no go ahead with her support.

It does sound like he shoulders a fair amount of costs for the kids to be honest.

I’m not sure what to suggest, I don’t think you should be a guarantor. If there’s anything practical you can do like extra pick ups or having them for tea a couple of extra nights so she can work more then maybe this is the best way to go.

The children shouldn't be removed from their mum imo

This man has a family with his ex and it's his duty to make sure they are housed

I'd say that its on the provision that she sorts her finances though.

I wouldn't be a guarantor for an adult unless it was for a university student. The problem is, of course, that you can't limit your liability and so will be financially responsible for as long as the tenancy lasts, which is a huge ask. But you do mention that she has parents so why doesn't she use them?

@OhYesYouDid0 if she is struggling now, what makes you think she is not going to struggle in the future and think to herself, oh its ok, john does will cover the rent? what will happen at christmas when no one has spare money?? sorry but definitely not. she should not even have asked. her ex should also just have said no and not even asked you either!