To say no to being a guarantor for SC mum?

Never a good idea to be financial tied to someone you are not even related to.

Yes but those safer options you describe, the part about him having the kids 100% of the time, will deprive them of living with their mother - very damaging.

I am a landlord and Hell would freeze over before I became a guarantor for a rental agreement.
It has to be an unlimited arrangement as even if the tenant stops paying it can take months or even years to evict them. The guarantor has all of the financial responsibility but with none of the rights to terminate the tenancy.
At present it is possible to offer an advance payment, but this will be prohibited under proposed amendments in the Renter’s Rights bill.
OP how much is the proposed rent in relation to the child support your DH pays?
The reason I ask is because it can actually be less of a risk to become a joint tenant on the agreement ( although strictly speaking he should only be on it if he lives there).
He could pay the current child support directly to the landlord and then he only needs to rely on her to pay the balance.
As a joint tenant he would have the right to terminate if she failed to meet her obligations, so could end his liability much sooner.

His children need housing. Housing them at your house 100% of the time is not a good solution. How do you think your 5yo would cope if you and your DH split up and circumstances meant that the 5yo had to live with your DH 100% of the time. Deprived of living with his/her mother. Serious emotional damage and resentment lasting a lifetime - especially knowing that the father acting as a guarantor could have prevented this.

I would be very careful. Obviously you can see the serious financial downside and it is severe and could impact your life. But if you don’t act as guarantor, then those children potentially lose the ability to live with their mother and/or live in poverty/really shit accommodation. Your DH having another child whilst two of his existing three are in poverty is irresponsible.

I would look into whether the guarantor can be for a limited time or capped amount of money. He has a responsibility not just to house/bring up his children, but also to make sure that they are emotionally and mentally cared for - and that includes living with their mother in a not-uncomfortable situation for at least 50% of the time. You say she is a nice woman. She is likely a lovely mum to them and they need her.

You and your partner could offer 6 months rent upfront but agree with his ex-partner that maintenance payments will be paused until the sum is recouped (i.e. the £650 each month adds up to the sum he has provided). Hopefully this will be affordable for his ex as she will not have rent to pay on a month to month basis - assuming the landlord is happy to be paid monthly after the initial period.

But
Other considerations are: Would his ex be able to claim housing benefit to pay rent? Would paying in advance complicate this?

Keep proof of the money transfer and have it in writing (signed and agreed) that this is maintenance in advance in the unlikely even your partners ex takes an official route for maintenance.

Would your partners ex be better (as suggested by someone already) to go down the homeless route in the hope of eventually getting secure, affordable housing.

Can his ex restructure her debt with the help of a free debt advice company such as stepchange or Christians Against Poverty to stop the issue spiralling over again.

Do not under any circumstances agree to be her guarantor for any kind of debt. If your husband does this then it will not bode well for your futures.

Only a fool would be a guarantor to somebody who is already bad with finances.

He can look after the children full time in his house until the mother is back on her feet.
Pay for one of those specialist rent guarantors that have a fixed fee/fixed term.
Or help pay for six months upfront rent which avoids needing a guarantor.

No need for him to put himself, his children or his second family in jeopardy. There are safer options.

If it does want to help, it might be a case of him giving her the money to get a guarantee from a guarantee company, I.e. a once off cost/fee

Yes, I agree that could be a possibility if they're determined to step in

Admittedly this wouldn't be cheap either, but it has to be a damned sight better than signing up for the lot

@OhYesYouDid0

I think if you do this it could irreparably damage the co-parenting relationship going forward when it goes wrong. It could cast a long bitter shadow if you end up footing the bill and the legal fees.

I think it was unfair of her to ask him as it's not his decision alone. It's put you both in a difficult position.

I'd be saying no and whilst it may cause short term issues it will protect the co-parenting relationship long term.

To let her down gently and close the door on the subject, I'd go back with the line that you will be unable to proceed with your loan if you are a guarantor and this has been confirmed by your bank after you've checked, so the answer needs to be no.

Clear and concise but let her know as soon as possible so she can look for an alternative solution.

" ... she’s unlikely to get to the point of non-payment that a guarantor would have to stump up the money ..." What nonsense - you can't possibly say this.

Absolute rubbish.

So she doesn't have to take responsibility for things? The OP and dh can't have savings or nice things for themselves because the ex-w lives beyond her means..
And yes, they could be in her shoes soon as they'll have no money as they're paying maintenance, AND 50% of all kids items, the exs rent and their own household expenses.
But yes, the '2nd family' should know they don't matter as long as the ex is mollycoddled from adult responsibility!

For me, it would depend on what you were being a guarantor for, smallish size house with enough room plus benefits helping get pay rent? Not a mansion.
Does he have to bail her out often? I think that sometimes it’s just getting things over the line in the current market.
FWIW though, when my exH and his ex girlfriend split up, and he ended up in a brutal situation financially I gave him a key to my house so he could spend time with our daughter there.

Housing benefit via UC would be available if she lost her job.

NO.

Its not a case of taking over the rent OP. The arrears will build up first and then the first you'll hear of them is when the bailiffs turn up for full payment.

Don't do it to yourself. She's shit with money and she won't give a toss if she lands you in it

OP I hear you that this is a really difficult situation, personally I would try to offer up other options as support (ie having DC at yours more, as you have suggested) but absolutely avoid being a guarantor unless you're rich enough to be able to cover both her monthly rent and your own costs every single month for the duration of her rental agreement.

It is the DH’s decision, not the OP’s decision as she isn’t being asked to be guarantor and none of her income or assets will be at risk.

As a stepmother you'll automatically get a hammering from some on here, but I'm with the vast majority who've said you'd have to be mad to do this

Your DH is (quite rightly) being pretty generous already, and assurances that "It would never come to that" from the DCs' mum mean nothing - after all, as a PP said, if she was that capable of managing finances she wouldn't need a guarantor in the first place

As for "there is already debt from unaffordable credit (which to her credit she has been completely honest about)", how can you know? Step into this particcular snakepit and I'll almost guarantee a lot more would come to light which you never knew

This has the potential to go really bad really quickly, it would be a no from me.

How would you all cope with her losing her job and then having to essentially cover 2 homes, that you would then be legally obliged to, financially and emotionally, what impact that would have on your relationship.

Offering for the children to stay with you is more than enough, as you say, you have to draw a line a line somewhere.

Landlords commonly require guarantors even if the applicant passes the affordability checks for the rent. It’s not usually debt or poor credit, but lack of a credit history specifically for paying rent.
”When renting a property in the UK, many landlords require tenants to have a guarantor. This is especially common for first-time renters, students, or those with limited credit histories.”

• https://contend.legal/housing/uk-renting-guide-who-can-be-your-guarantor-tips-rules/

Which has happened because your DH left her and they had to downsize the family home. He, being the father of their DC, should be the guarantor for the roof over their head.

After a few years of her renting, she won’t need a guarantor anymore.

Just posting a little link here for anyone who thinks that being a guarantor is super easy and doesn't mean you're liable for anything because you're 'only being a guarantor, not paying the rent' or because 'she's unlikely to get to the point of non payment' etc etc.

https://www.experian.co.uk/consumer/guides/being-a-guarantor.html

As others experienced in the industry have said - it is absolutely likely that she will get to the point of non-payment and at that point OP and her DH are liable for everything.

OP I hear you that this is a really difficult situation, personally I would try to offer up other options as support (ie having DC at yours more, as you have suggested) but absolutely avoid being a guarantor unless you're rich enough to be able to cover both her monthly rent and your own costs every single month for the duration of her rental agreement.

Some good advice here.

I hope for OP sake she can pick it out.

Maybe her ex - your husband - could increase the amount of maintenance he pays which would ultimately benefit his children. If she is struggling for money whilst he is not, he’s not paying enough maintenance. She’ll be prioritising housing and feeding their children.

If he can afford an to save for extension and another child with his second wife, he can afford to support the mother of his original family better. She probably took a backseat with her career to support his by looking after their children, or she’d be in better paid employment now, like he is.

Think carefully before saying no. You might be in her shoes soon as well. Saying yes won’t be the end of the world; she’s unlikely to get to the point of non-payment that a guarantor would have to stump
up the money - it doesn’t happen instantly and might not happen at all.

No way Jose. It's too big of a risk.

My own parents refused to be a guarantor when I wanted to buy my own car - despite me being very responsible. So I waited, saved up some money and it turns out I didn’t need a guarantor.

You need to say no. This person needs to pay off her debt and to do this she needs to consolidate and possibly move in with her parents as it’s likely she won’t be able to afford to service her debt and her rent and you will have to pay.

It’s not a real option if the mum is being coerced into it under financial duress by the dad and his new wife.

The mum has to willingly consent and want her DC to live with their dad.

I didn't read all of your post but you/anyone should NEVER be a guarantor for anybody unless you are either extremely rich or quite happy to be taken to court/having your house taken away from you if they default on payments.

Are you very rich or willing to lose your house? Because the latter DOES happen.